But I’m not a control freak…

I know this isn’t really a word I use, but go with me here.  I don’t feel centered.  I feel like I’m lurching from thing to thing, reacting to everything but not really choosing what happens next.  I’m not really worried about anything (I’m always worried about something, but those things are on the back burner for now), but I don’t feel like I’m in control.  Some of it is work; I don’t really know what my priorities are supposed to be.  I feel like I’ve let some things slide, but I can’t really pinpoint what.  And at home…I always have this list of things to do to balance against what I want to do.  And what I want to do wins out probably more than it should, so I feel guilty about shirking responsibilities and I can’t enjoy the things I want to do.  Perhaps I need more lists.  I have lists of things that need to get done and things I want to do.  Maybe I need an actual daily list of Things I Am Going To Do.

Tomorrow:

  • Run three miles before breakfast
  • Eat right (no pigging out!)
  • Clean the kitchen and family room
  • Set aside 30 minutes (at least) to read (uninterrupted)

I can do that.  The weekend will include more cleaning and some yard stuff.  John has homework and a quiz, so we’ll probably have some quality alone time.

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