At some point in your life, you or your parents have stuck toothpicks into an avocado pit and suspended it over the edge of a glassful of water. I know you have. You’re expecting it to germinate. (That’s what it’s called when it grows roots, right? Or something.) Well, I think it’s a myth. A myth! (“Yeth?”) We have two sad-looking avocado pits being tortured on our kitchen windowsill which are never going to put out little rooty tendrils. Honestly, it looks cruel and unusual. This shouldn’t be legal. Rescue the avocado pits! But what’s the alternative? For avocado pits in my house (and in most, I imagine), it’s either suffer being half-drowned and poked with sticks or go out with the trash. If I were an avocado pit, I’m not sure which I’d choose. Maybe the trash. Then I could hope to find a friendly landfill. I suppose we could plant them, but isn’t the whole point of the torture? Start the roots and then plant them? You know, they’d probably start to grow if I left them in the pantry long enough. That’s what happens to my potatoes and onions. I’m a regular farmer, I am.