Brand new, totally original thoughts about TV!

You know what phrase I have never uttered?  “Well, I’ll be.”  Also, “Well, I’ll be a monkey’s uncle,” or any  other variation.  I don’t think I’ve ever heard anyone say either of those things in real life, actually.  Just TV.    Something else that only happens on TV: big dramatic pauses after someone says “I did something bad,” when any normal person would be like, “Bad how?  What did you do?  Bad like illegal?  What are you talking about?  Stop looking all tortured and talk!”  “Never mind – I’m sorry I said anything!”  I mean, really.  No one talks to each other on TV.  Or when they do, it’s cloying and horrible.  Or maybe that’s just on CW shows.  And yet, I keep watching them.