Cause and effect

I slept in this morning.  That’s why I had terrible dreams about cartoon villains murdering my pets.

I haven’t walked down to the river since mid-December.  That’s why it’s frozen now.

I spent a little time today sorta kinda doing stretches that resemble yoga.  That’s why the mailman didn’t pick up the package we left out for him.

I’m getting a haircut tomorrow.  That’s why it’s going to rain.

I don’t like the cinnamon bun creamer I bought earlier this week.  That’s why my eyelashes are stabbing me in the eye.

Makes as much sense as anything in the news.