Inane Chatter

• John caught Riley drinking my coffee this morning.  Later, he (Riley, not John) knocked the trash can down the basement steps and possibly ate some of the coffee grounds that spilled out.  Is my dog a caffeine junkie?  How did this happen?  How did I not notice?  It would certainly explain the high-strung behavior…

• John made a pot roast (roast beef?  Is there a difference?  I don’t really care – delicious either way) for dinner tonight.  The house smells fantastic – like red wine and onions.  Warm red wine and onions.

• I got a 96% on my fourth homework assignment in my data modeling class.  I was debating whether or not to argue with the professor because I think (and John agrees) that she’s wrong about that one answer.  I decided not to.  I got a 96%.  Arguing for a 100% isn’t necessary.  I’m letting it go.

• I’m drinking white wine instead of red even though we’re having pot roast (or roast beef) for dinner tonight.  Ask me if I care.  (Hint: I don’t.)

I’ve been having some problems with my cell phone lately.  My wonderful was-state-of-the-art-almost-a-year-and-a-half-ago phone.  That I still love.  Except for these problems.  I’m going to list them.  Because I like lists.  And choppy sentences.

1. My phone reboots when I’m using the Hulu or Netflix app to watch TV.  I can get through about 20 minutes and then my phone turns itself off and takes forEVER to turn itself back on.  Much longer than the usual startup time.  And it’s not a battery problem – I usually have at least half the battery life left.  Maybe it’s an overheating problem, but it doesn’t happen to John when he watches something for that long (or longer) on his phone.  And once it reboots once, it’ll do it again within about five minutes.  Irritating.
2. My battery only lasts about four hours, even when I’m barely using my phone.  I don’t leave unnecessary or power-hungry apps running when they don’t need to be.  I don’t know why I would see such a sudden change.  Maybe my battery is going.
3. My phone can’t find the GPS satellite anymore.  The last few times I’ve turned on the GPS…tracker..thingy, my phone says it’s searching for the satellite and never finds it.

So I called Sprint for help.  Oh my god.  It started out promising.  The tech I talked to had a deep, calm, capable voice, and he was very nice, but it was all a lie.  Well, not all.  He was calm and his voice stayed deep.  And he was nice.  Not so capable, though.  He was kind of an idiot, and he clearly didn’t understand how the phone works.  The GPS thing completely threw him.  But it was over half an hour before he gave up.  He did absolutely nothing to help me.  He couldn’t even give me an idea of what the problem might be.  The next step is to take it to a repair center.  I might try talking to HTC first, though.  Actually, I think the very next step will be to put John’s battery in my phone and test my issues.  He’s not having any of these problems.  If that doesn’t work, I’ll call HTC.  Then try the repair center.

I was looking over my list for the weekend and I realized I left off something important.

1. Do my homework (I have an assignment due for Data Modeling and Design)
2. Finish Faithful Place
3. Start The Hunger Games
4. Exercise
5. Grocery store
6. Blah blah other boring things
7. Oh, also SLEEP

Aren’t I forgetting something? Oh, yeah.

8. GET MY NAILS DONE

How could I forget about that?  Something of such global importance?  Silly me.  I also don’t remember what the other boring things were (#6), so I’m considering them done.  But look how productive I was!  Homework, reading, and sleeping.  Good for me.  And the gym.  Better for me.  Poor John is still miserable (and he has to go to work today – poor John, indeed).  He spent most of the weekend resting.

I am going to finish The Hunger Games before I tackle the rest of my busy day.  OR…I could go to the store now and get my one chore out of the way early…  Decisions, decisions.

I can’t even count the ways that I am sore.  Last  night was my first night back at my Muscle Blast and yoga classes since Thanksgiving.  I’m very happy to be back, I really like those classes, but oh my god I hurt so much now.  Every muscle we worked on is screaming at me.  The aches sorta crept in one by one throughout the day, but they’re all here now.  Hi everybody!  Now go away.

I spent the entire day in a tiny little room with my boss (plus an hour and a half each way in a car with her to get to that tiny little room).  I need some space.  I need some alone time.  And I need some sleep.

You know what’s awesome?  Tomorrow’s Friday and it’s the beginning of a three-day weekend!  You know what’s awesome-er than awesome?  The first season (well, the 2005 season) of Doctor Who arrived in the mail yesterday!  With extras and commentary and lots of hours of Doctor and Rose goodness.

Does anyone know where we can find the last season of Torchwood (the season set in the US) online?  It was on Netflix for a little while, but it’s gone now.

My plan for the weekend:

1. Do my homework (I have an assignment due for Data Modeling and Design)
2. Finish Faithful Place
3. Start The Hunger Games
4. Exercise
5. Grocery store
6. Blah blah other boring things
7. Oh, also SLEEP

What were my goals for this past weekend?  Right.

1. Complete two statistics quizzes
2. Run six miles
3. Buy groceries
4. Go to Target
5. Weed the flower beds

Out of five things, I managed to do only one.  ONE.  That’s pathetic.  Statistics is way more time-consuming that I expected.  I didn’t even make it to the first of those two quizzes.  I’m still doing the homework problems. I did run my six miles, but the rest of my list was left undone.

I hate that.

I woke up this morning a little crazy with anxiety.  The worst thing about it is that I woke up with a list of all the things I should be doing on a loop in my head, and then I froze.  I could have gotten up right then to get started on the list, but did I?  No, I stayed in bed.  Because I could put off all the hard things.  I do that all the time (procrastinate).   Of course, that gives me less time overall to get everything done, so all it really does is ratchet up the anxiety a little more.  Not exactly helpful behavior.

Instead, let’s a play a game (courtesy of Mom) called “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Anxiety Causing Thing #1: Quiz #4 for vector calculus and the midterm I have to take on Thursday

What’s the worst that could happen?  Well, I could get all the answers wrong on my quiz, but that doesn’t affect my grade (just makes my professor think I’m an idiot), so there isn’t anything to worry about there.  Of course, my performance on my quizzes is an indicator of my performance on the midterm, so if I don’t do well on my quizzes, I may not do well on my midterm.  And I could fail my midterm.  So what if I do?  I won’t have a very good grade in my calculus class.  That would be a blow to my ego (something I could survive), and it may put me on the road to failing this class.  What if I fail the class?  I’m taking it online at a community college because I need the prereq for grad school.  If I fail it, I’m out approximately $350.  If I fail it, I can retake it later.  Will I fail it?  Probably not.  I may not get an A.  I may not even get a B.  But I probably won’t fail.  I submitted my quiz this morning (confident that I got three out of four right), so that’s out of my hands, and I still have today, tomorrow, Wednesday, and part of Thursday to study for the midterm.  Breathe deep.

Anxiety Causing Thing #2: Work

What’s the worst that could happen?  I could get fired.  Or laid off.  Or whatever.  That could happen, but there’s nothing I can do about it (and there’s no immediate indication that it’s coming), so that’s not what’s making me edgy.  There’s nothing specific about work that’s bothering me.  No major deadlines, no one is asking me to do anything I’m not capable of, I don’t have any issues with any coworkers.  I just don’t like it.  I don’t want to come here every day.  (I know, whine whine whine, most people don’t actually like going to work.)  I want to do something with flexible hours where I can work from home and have more time for me.  The math that’s stressing me out is the first step in that direction, so this is more of a low-level, back-burner, always-bugging-me sort of thing that every once in a while jumps up and says, “Hey!  Loser!  Worry about me!”

Anxiety Causing Thing #3: Army Ten-Miler

Did I tell you about this?  A few weeks ago, John registered to run in the Army Ten-Miler this October, and I caved to the very mild peer pressure and registered with him.  So what’s the worst that could happen?  I’ll be so slow that the bus that picks up the slowpokes who aren’t going to finish in the required time will pick me up.  Humiliating.  I have 17 weeks to train for it.  I had more, but I didn’t use them.  I can’t procrastinate on this one, so every day I don’t start this training plan gets under my skin, and I didn’t run today.  Well, I kinda did.  I sprinted around the block (up the hills) a couple of times with the dogs this morning.  My math anxiety trumped my race anxiety this morning – I spent the extra time on my quiz.  (SuzRocks sent me a link to a half-marathon training plan.  I figure if I’m capable of running a half-marathon by the time I finish training, ten miles should seem easy.  Ish.  I just need to start the &^$* training plan.)

There are other things that bug me (there are always other things), but those are the three I woke up with this morning.  Peace, serenity, lots of gym time tonight, some studying…I’ve got it under control.

Happy thoughts!

Nine professions I’m not well-suited for:

1. Construction worker
Pros – Working outside, lots of exercise
Cons – It’s hard work!  Also, I get sunburned easily.  And I don’t want skin cancer.  And pollution.  All that machinery puts out a LOT of exhaust, and I’d rather not breathe that in all day long.

2. Police officer
Pros – I’d get to keep people safe and chase down bad guys
Cons – I’d have to chase down bad guys, and I wouldn’t be safe.  I don’t particularly want a job that puts me in harm’s way.

3. Baker
Pros – The smell of freshly baked bread every day.
Cons – Trying not to eat that freshly baked bread EVERY DAY.  I’d gain weight like crazy.

4. Butcher
Pros – I like meat.
Cons – I don’t particularly want to wield the cleaver that dismembers Lucy the Lamb and Carl the Cow.  I like my food better when it doesn’t look like the animal it came from.  Becoming a butcher could turn me into a vegetarian.

5. Candlestick maker
Pros – Power outages would not be a problem.
Cons – From what I understand, it’s hot, sticky, smelly work.  So’s being a butcher, I imagine.  Hot, sticky, and smelly are three of my least favorite sensations, especially when they’re combined.

6. CIA agent
Pros – It’s very cool.  (I’m thinking of the Mission: Impossible type, of course.)  All that weapons training and fighting stuff, defensive driving and jumping out of helicopters – very cool.
Cons – DANGEROUS.  And probably pretty boring most of the time.  Because life is not actually a movie.  I don’t want to have to lie about my job to everyone I know.

7. Doctor
Pros – Money.  Helping people.  Saving lives.  Probably not boring.
Cons – I’m a little squeamish, so anything involving bodily fluids is most likely not for me.  And if someone breaks a leg or an arm and the bone is sticking out – I might faint.  LONG hours.

8. Tooth Fairy
Pros – I’d get to wear a tutu and wings (I can fly!) and hell – I’d be a fairy!  That’s pretty cool.  And I’d have so much money I’d be constantly giving it away.
Cons – I’m not a night person.  Working all night, every night does not sound like a good time to me.  Also, I’m crazy clumsy (constantly bruising my knees and elbows), so sneaking around kids’ rooms and reaching under their pillows without waking them up is probably impossible for me.  I’m not qualified.  And what would I do with all those teeth?

9. Lion Tamer
Pros – It’s the circus!  And oh, the baby lions I’d get to train…so cute.
Cons – Adult lions.  Christian the Lion aside, I doubt adult lions would really want to perform in front of huge crowds.  I don’t want to get eaten by my “trained” lions.

I’m traveling for work next week (for the first time since last June – this isn’t anything like a continuation of last spring’s craziness and stress), so I’m making lists.  I have so many lists I need a list to track my lists.

• List of stuff to do at home before I leave
• List of stuff to get done at work before I leave
• List of work stuff I need to get done while I’m away
• List of stuff I need to take with me (personal)
• List of stuff I need to take with me (work)
• List of stuff I need to be ready to do when I get back (personal)
• List of stuff I need to be read to do when I get back (work)

I can’t think of anything I have to do that doesn’t fit into one of those categories.  Sometimes a list like that makes me feel organized, like I can get everything done in time.  Not so much tonight.

In no particular order:

• Nathan Fillion
• John Stamos
• Daniel Craig
• Hugh Jackman
• Romany Malco

This list is constantly under review.

Runners-up (who occasionally rotate onto the list)

• Christian Bale
• Colin Firth
• George Clooney
• Clive Owen
• Taye Diggs
• Jonathan Rhys Meyers
• Alexander Skarsgard

Made up facts I just made up:

• Human beings think 30,000 thoughts every hour.
• Cats think 60,000 thoughts every hour.
• Dogs think 75 thoughts an hour.
• Statistics are accurate 37% of the time.
• I could eat my weight in pepperoni and pineapple pizza.  And chicken tikka masala.

I wonder if Riley or Roxy would try to defend me if I were attacked.

Why does it have to be so cold?  And windy?  One of those I can handle, but both?  Not fair.

I am in need of bookshelves.  And books.  Bookshelves first.

I should re-read the Harry Potter books before the last movie.  And watch all of the movies.

Oh my god, my brain is boring.  Why do you people keep coming back?  Don’t misunderstand me – I’m thrilled that you do.  And a little puzzled by the spike in visits I had over the weekend, all related to searches for Road Runner.  Who knew that guy was so popular?

You know who needs more work?  John Hannah.

What is the air speed velocity of an unladen swallow?

I have feelings of guilt.  Not about anything huge, and they’re not overwhelming feelings of guilt, and when I list them here, no one who may be affected is allowed to feel guilt of their own.  I mean it.

1. I may not have spent every minute I was at work today concentrating on work.
2. I’m not reading my book.  Right this second.  I mean, I could be reading.  Why am I not?  Guilt.
3. I haven’t made solid (or any) Thanksgiving plans.
4. I’m probably (most likely) not spending Thanksgiving with family.
5. It looks like I won’t see Mom and Dad again until sometime next year.  The rest of the family?  Hopefully in May.
6. There are certain friends of ours who have a baby boy who we have met only TWICE in his short adorable life.
7. We have other friends who have had their second child and are moving to Vermont, and we only know these things because John happened to google them and found their blog.
8. I eat too much.
9. I don’t exercise enough.
10. I don’t play with the dogs enough.
11. I didn’t volunteer my time to help with the midterm elections.
12. I don’t carpool.

Enough.  Guilt sucks.

Things I want to make time for:

1. Catch up on six months of Runner’s World issues
2. De-clutter the house.  It’s an endless cycle, I know, but I want to be ahead of the clutter for once.  Just for a while.
3. Exercise.  Like real exercise.  I haven’t been getting out of bed early enough to do more than a couple of miles (occasionally three) before work, and I need to have time for four or five.  Or six, once I work my way back to handling that long of a run.  And what about other stuff, like lunges, squats, push-ups, crunches?  When am I supposed to fit those in?  Maybe I can try to make room for those at night.  Before dinner, before bed.  I’d like to do them right after the run, but I don’t think that’s realistic.  Not when I need to be out the door by 8:30.  The days are already getting shorter, sunrise is later, and just how early do I think I’m going to get up?
4. Find an affordable place to live.  With jobs.  Or find jobs that’ll let us work from anywhere.  Yes, I know our current jobs could technically be done from home, but the hard part is finding the employer who will let us do that.  So maybe that’s the next thing on the list.
5. Find jobs/employers who will allow, even encourage, us to work from home.  This list is changing directions a little.  It’s not like we’re looking for new jobs.  ‘Cause we’re not.  ‘Cause I certainly wouldn’t be announcing that here.  That would be dumb.  Let me rephrase.  Find a way to convince our current employers that we’re much more effective working from home.  There.  For real, despite my recent schedule, I like my job.  Now that I’ve (hopefully) convinced my current employer that I’m not looking for a way out, let’s move on.
6. Play with the dogs!  This should move up the list.  I feel like I’m neglecting them a bit.  They get lots of love, and I take them on my morning jog every other day or so, but I don’t run them around the yard or really play with them outside as much as I should.
7. See friends.  Again, this should move higher up the list.  Almost all of our friends live too far away.  Seeing them always means making plans, which sometimes is just too exhausting to think about.  We have so little free time during the week and we spend all weekend doing chores and running errands, so the free time we have on the weekends tends to be spent enjoying the quiet and the knowledge that we don’t have to run around for an hour or two.  We are trying to figure out a better way to live.  This is nuts.  And that leads me back to what I was saying a couple of months ago.  Neither of us wants to live like this.  We don’t want the conventional jobs, with conventional work hours and conventional commutes and conventional bosses.  But how do we get out?

“Zannah, why haven’t you gotten me a Les Paul?”

“Clearly, I don’t love you enough.”

We watch a lot of TV.  Not as many movies, but we’ve seen a few lately.  We watched Broadcast News last weekend.  Both of us confused it with Network (another one we haven’t seen), and we didn’t figure out that we were thinking of an entirely different movie until Broadcast News was over.  Where was the rant?  Oh, right.  Wrong movie.  We watched Some Kind of Wonderful tonight, but I was a little disappointed by it.  I’m not sure what I was expecting.

List for this weekend:

• Run
• Clean
• Groceries
• Swing by the office to drop this week’s evaluations off and make some copies (Yes, I peeked, and yes, they were nice to me again.    Thankfully.)
• Make sure Jess is okay after Chuck gets on the plane (he’ll be gone for three months)
• CATCH UP WITH MY BLOG FRIENDS
• Library (to get a new book to listen to during my commute)
• Bank

Roxy (who’s doing well, thanks for asking) just gave me a look that said she wished we’d just go to bed already.  Don’t we know we’re keeping her up?

*Edited to add the last two items on my list.  I remembered them this morning.

So now the bathrooms are clean, the guest room beds are made, and upstairs is vacuumed.  I still need to clean the windows and dust.  At work (need I say it was another long day?), I basically cleaned out my entire desk.  I threw out what I could, but everything worth keeping is important enough to actually have with me in the training classroom.  So it all came home with me today.

I’m meeting Jess and Chuck around noon tomorrow in Chantilly, but there’s stuff I need to do first.  Sounds like I need a list.

1. Lord & Taylor is having a shoe sale.  I could go on Sunday, though.
2. Buy a laptop bag (for work) at Staples.  I’ve found the one I want.  That can wait until Sunday, too.
3. Get my car washed, inside and out.  I think the place I go is closed on Sunday, so I have to do it tomorrow.  I’ll be carpooling next week, so my car should be in good shape.
4. Dust.
5. Clean the windows.
6. Go to the grocery store.  I don’t even know what I need to get yet, but I won’t be able to feed Jess and Chuck if I don’t go.

At least I’m not traveling yet.  If this were the last weekend before all the travel, I’d be way more anxious and making many more lists.

My computer, thanks to John, is now running perfectly with its new hard drive and shiny new Fedora operating system.  And I get to use my pretty pink laptop with the nice keyboard.  (It’s really a pleasure to type on this keyboard.)

I think the condition of the house has been holding me back.  A half-clean house, so close to being mostly clean, makes me feel like I’m more in control of how and when I exercise, what I eat, and how I feel about myself.  You know?  If the house is clean, then I’m successful, and I have more energy and more enthusiasm for exercise.  But we still have too much clutter.  How do we get rid of all this crap?

Things I Like (in no particular order):

• Reading fiction, anywhere, anytime
• my dogs
• all dogs
• PUPPIES!
• And kittens
• And cats that actually like people
• chocolate
• milk chocolate
• white chocolate
• Paul Reiser
• Mad About You
• Saturday mornings
• sunny days (“sweeping the…”)
• summer days
• trees
• books (and their smell)
• big band music
• lists
• flowers
• BIG bathtubs
• showers with real water pressure
• manicured lawns
• manicured nails (my own, anyway – don’t much care for anyone else’s nails)
• clean sheets
• John’s clean, just-out-the-shower smell (much better than his just-came-back-from-a-long-run-sweaty smell)
• John (duh)
• everyone else I like (but won’t list here for fear I’ll leave someone I like off the list and that person (let’s call this person “H” for “hypothetical”)  will notice and be mad at me for leaving her (or him) off (even though it was an accident and I really do like H) and she will stop visiting my site, assuming  she was visiting and reading anyway, but if she wasn’t, she wouldn’t know I left her off and she wouldn’t get mad and stop reading, so I guess H was reading, which means, again, that I shouldn’t list anyone because I might leave someone off and she’ll get mad and stop reading)
• decorating with books
• my pretty new dining room table
• Ellen DeGeneres
• working from home
• that relaxed feeling as you drift off to sleep

Speaking of that last one, it’s getting close to my bedtime.  More accurately, it’s getting close to that time when I should be in bed reading.