Inane Chatter » work

Overload

Zannah — Thu, 02 Feb 2012 02:17:37 +0000

Stress. Busy day. Lots of work done, lots of work to do, not enough time to do it. And then the realization that I have to take an exam for my data modeling class before Monday. Almost didn’t go to classes tonight, but was sane enough to remember that one of the things that is stressing me out is my incapability (incapableness? Lack of capability? I don’t think any of those are words.) to eat right (I say as I take teeny bits from a piece of Dove chocolate), and I usually feel better after the gym. So I went. And I do feel better. A little. But tomorrow is another crazy day (with a long commute with my boss) and it seems to have started already and – no. Tomorrow is tomorrow. Not here yet. Even if I am mentally calculating how many hours of sleep I need before getting up early tomorrow. (I’m coming up short.)

Yoga’s great for calming me down while I’m in class, but that feeling doesn’t last long enough.

Of course, I’m very rarely anywhere NEAR Kristen Bell’s meltdown level. This is funny, kinda cute sometimes, and so very weird.

Let’s watch a dog diving through a pile of leaves instead

Zannah — Wed, 11 Jan 2012 01:32:12 +0000

These last two days have gotten completely away from me. Too much work, not enough play. Or homework. And a cold. Poor, poor me. Let’s all be sad.

Actually, I felt much better today than yesterday. I’m crossing my fingers that this trend continues. Especially since I have to go downtown tomorrow and I REALLY don’t want to be miserable that far from home.

Of course, if I end up feeling miserable tomorrow, I can make myself feel much better by watching this video (via The Daily What) again.

That was hilariously adorable. This one is just scary.

I am easily amused. It helps to be absentminded. Seriously, you can tell me the same joke over and over again and I will find it hilarious every time. Ask anybody.

Zannah — Fri, 16 Dec 2011 23:00:50 +0000

You know how it feels when you find something unexpected? Something good. Like last year’s $10 in your winter coat pocket. (That one in particular hasn’t happened to me, but you know what I mean.) It doesn’t have to be big. It just has to be nice. A couple of weeks ago I was writing test scripts for work, and I needed a fake name to fill in a particular field. I picked a fairly innocuous name, familiar to me and many of you, but not to most people. I moved on. Today, I was helping out on that project again, setting up the test data and tweaking some of the scripts. I got to that field and asked the guy who took it over from me what name to use (having completely forgotten what I’d chosen weeks ago). He told me, and I laughed, thrilled with myself for setting it up that way so I could have a private little geeky giggle. Yay me! The name? Harriet Jones. (No room in the application for a title, sadly.)

It went a long way towards making my 4:15 wake-up call (to get to Baltimore today) bearable. Not all the way bearable, but closer.

Not doing what I’m supposed to be doing. Naturally.

Zannah — Wed, 26 Oct 2011 00:35:38 +0000

What I should do: study for my calculus midterm. What I’m going to do: play on the internet and possibly watch TV. Then? Bed. I have to go to Baltimore again for work tomorrow. On the one hand, the work I’m doing in Baltimore is the best thing about my job. On the other hand, I have to go to Baltimore. It’s far.

I need more sleep. Roxy was due for a seizure over the weekend, but she never had one. This is good news (seizures are bad), but it means I’ve been watching her like a hawk when I’m home and I keep waking up at every random sound in the night, convinced it’s her. I’m tired. But she just licked my elbow and wagged her tail, so everything must be fine.

Update: I jinxed it. She just had a seizure. But at least it was before we went to bed. (She’s fine. Walking it off.) I’ve been playing phone tag with the vet since yesterday. She wants to talk about changing her medication. (Roxy’s, not the vet’s, just so we’re clear.) I’m all ears.

Dread

Zannah — Thu, 29 Sep 2011 22:08:34 +0000

It’s going to be okay, right? I mean, just because my boss decided that we’re going to commute downtown together three days a week starting next week for I don’t even know how long and that commute (plus some extra work travel) caused me to almost quit a year and a half ago and NO it’s not better having a commute buddy when that buddy is your BOSS -

That sentence got away from me. Let’s just say I’m not looking forward to it. Besides, she changes her plans for me on this project every other day (sometimes every day), so it’s possible that it a) won’t happen at all or 2) won’t last long. So I’m putting the frenzy away, locking it in a closet, and instead I’ll work on getting all those #%^# songs out of my head. Because THAT is a good use of my time.

Lunch is the answer to everything

Zannah — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 17:13:43 +0000

This particular Tuesday has a weird vibe. It’s just after 10:30am. I’ve been to the gym and joined two conference calls (a daily occurrence now – who the hell wants to start every day with two conference calls?). Neither of those things are out of the ordinary. I had some coffee. Haven’t eaten anything yet, which may be contributing to the feeling (I can hear a croissant whispering my name), but what else?

Part 1: The windows are open. It’s August. It’s supposed to be hot and sticky and grossly muggy. I’m not complaining – I’m thrilled to hear the breeze in the trees and the summer insects buzzing or droning or cricketing or whatever is they do, thrilled to have turned the A/C off for the first time in months. It’s just weird. Makes it feel like early fall and I’m not quite ready for early fall.

Part 2: I’ve already talked to Mom and Dad. Before breakfast! It’s throwing my whole schedule off.

Part 3: I have gotten things DONE already. Left messages, rescheduled appointments, refilled prescriptions…I’m on a roll.

[Several hours later]

I was on a roll. A few hours ago, the sunlight was mid-morning fresh, the birds were chirping, and the breeze was breezing. Since then, I’ve gotten bogged down in the things I’m supposed to be doing (I was doing them before, but everything was light! and cheerful! and oh, what a beautiful morning!), the cool fresh air that was tickling my elbows turned hot, and the sunlight turned stale.

I can still turn this around. There’s time. The solution? Lunch! A turkey sandwich with cucumber slices on toast. Seriously. I don’t think I’m asking too much of one sandwich. I get cranky when I’m hungry. Lunch will save the day.

If you were a dog

Zannah — Tue, 16 Aug 2011 01:30:12 +0000

If you were a dog, would you want to be an outside dog or an inside dog? A big dog or a little dog? A dog with responsibilities or a pet without a care in the world? I’m watching our two sleep the day away, and I’m just a teensy bit jealous. Only a teensy bit. I think they’re sleeping because they’re bored. I’m not entertaining them. (I’m working. Clearly.) I’m not sure I’d want to be a dog if it meant (as it must) giving up reading. And talking. Somebody asked me the other day if all this working from home is isolating. I don’t feel particularly isolated. I’m not talking as much as I would if I were in the office, but I don’t think I’m making up for it when John gets home. (John may disagree.) I don’t feel starved for human contact. I talk to the dogs (although not as much as you might think), and I spend plenty of time emailing and calling work people for work stuff. In fact, I think I spend too much time on that and not enough time on what I wanted to get done in the quiet of home. Hey, if I turn into a dog, I won’t have to work. Unless I’m a working dog. But working dogs always seem to enjoy their jobs, so maybe that would be okay.

I could fall down flat on my face and not notice

Zannah — Mon, 11 Jul 2011 23:30:22 +0000

I cannot begin to describe how worn out I am. We were up way late (for us – like 1am) last night and slept in as late as we could before work today. Not long enough. So we were dragging when we woke up. I worked from home today, and while the morning was fine, the afternoon was frustrating and what little energy I had from my morning tea wore off pretty quickly. I went to the gym this evening for my strength class, and the instructor tried to kill us. She had us jumping from exercise to exercise, targeting two muscle groups at once, no breaks. Our heart rates were up and I was STILL yawning. It’s almost 7:30. If I’m not in bed by nine, I might not make it through tomorrow.

Even with all that, I don’t regret last night. We had dinner with friends we see less than once a year, friends who were just passing through on their way south, and if it means a day like today, well, okay. Worth it.

Bonfire

Zannah — Tue, 21 Jun 2011 20:31:52 +0000

There’s probably an HOA regulation against it (or a county ordinance or an actual law or something), but sometimes I think it would be kinda convenient if we could lug everything out of the basement and burn it in the backyard. Except the washer and dryer. And the dog crates. And the drum sets, amps, guitars, studio equipment, and other musical paraphernalia. And the books. Everything else, though – who needs it? It’s not stuff we use often, if ever, and we’ve already combed through it looking for stuff to donate, so why are we still holding on to it? Some it is paper – things that should be filed and held onto for a while. I started that project over a year ago; I’d like to finish it some day. We have an exercise bike I don’t use – I could easily get rid of that. John has a weight bench, but he uses that sometimes. What else? I really don’t know. But there’s a lot of crap down there.

In other news, I have no news because I still haven’t gotten my midterm grade and I decided not to bug my professor because why? I don’t know. I just decided not to bug him. It hasn’t even been a week since I took the test. I can be patient. For a couple more days.

I’m considering cutting out caffeine. Cutting back certainly. Possibly cutting it out altogether. I’ve been drinking too much of the stuff lately. Today alone: 1 cup of tea with breakfast at home, 1 cup of coffee mid-morning at work, and another cup mid-afternoon. TOO MUCH. I don’t know if I can start tomorrow, though. I’ve got an 8am meeting downtown, so I’ll need something or I’ll fall asleep on the way in. And Thursday I’ll be exhausted from Wednesday’s very late night….I’ll start Friday. You believe me, right? How is it that I got through four years in the Navy without a coffee habit only to be beaten by a regular 9-5 job? Hm. The answer may be in the question.

Things I’m anxious about today

Zannah — Mon, 13 Jun 2011 18:30:01 +0000

I woke up this morning a little crazy with anxiety. The worst thing about it is that I woke up with a list of all the things I should be doing on a loop in my head, and then I froze. I could have gotten up right then to get started on the list, but did I? No, I stayed in bed. Because I could put off all the hard things. I do that all the time (procrastinate). Of course, that gives me less time overall to get everything done, so all it really does is ratchet up the anxiety a little more. Not exactly helpful behavior.

Instead, let’s a play a game (courtesy of Mom) called “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Anxiety Causing Thing #1: Quiz #4 for vector calculus and the midterm I have to take on Thursday

What’s the worst that could happen? Well, I could get all the answers wrong on my quiz, but that doesn’t affect my grade (just makes my professor think I’m an idiot), so there isn’t anything to worry about there. Of course, my performance on my quizzes is an indicator of my performance on the midterm, so if I don’t do well on my quizzes, I may not do well on my midterm. And I could fail my midterm. So what if I do? I won’t have a very good grade in my calculus class. That would be a blow to my ego (something I could survive), and it may put me on the road to failing this class. What if I fail the class? I’m taking it online at a community college because I need the prereq for grad school. If I fail it, I’m out approximately $350. If I fail it, I can retake it later. Will I fail it? Probably not. I may not get an A. I may not even get a B. But I probably won’t fail. I submitted my quiz this morning (confident that I got three out of four right), so that’s out of my hands, and I still have today, tomorrow, Wednesday, and part of Thursday to study for the midterm. Breathe deep.

Anxiety Causing Thing #2: Work

What’s the worst that could happen? I could get fired. Or laid off. Or whatever. That could happen, but there’s nothing I can do about it (and there’s no immediate indication that it’s coming), so that’s not what’s making me edgy. There’s nothing specific about work that’s bothering me. No major deadlines, no one is asking me to do anything I’m not capable of, I don’t have any issues with any coworkers. I just don’t like it. I don’t want to come here every day. (I know, whine whine whine, most people don’t actually like going to work.) I want to do something with flexible hours where I can work from home and have more time for me. The math that’s stressing me out is the first step in that direction, so this is more of a low-level, back-burner, always-bugging-me sort of thing that every once in a while jumps up and says, “Hey! Loser! Worry about me!”

Anxiety Causing Thing #3: Army Ten-Miler

Did I tell you about this? A few weeks ago, John registered to run in the Army Ten-Miler this October, and I caved to the very mild peer pressure and registered with him. So what’s the worst that could happen? I’ll be so slow that the bus that picks up the slowpokes who aren’t going to finish in the required time will pick me up. Humiliating. I have 17 weeks to train for it. I had more, but I didn’t use them. I can’t procrastinate on this one, so every day I don’t start this training plan gets under my skin, and I didn’t run today. Well, I kinda did. I sprinted around the block (up the hills) a couple of times with the dogs this morning. My math anxiety trumped my race anxiety this morning – I spent the extra time on my quiz. (SuzRocks sent me a link to a half-marathon training plan. I figure if I’m capable of running a half-marathon by the time I finish training, ten miles should seem easy. Ish. I just need to start the &^$* training plan.)

There are other things that bug me (there are always other things), but those are the three I woke up with this morning. Peace, serenity, lots of gym time tonight, some studying…I’ve got it under control.

Happy thoughts!