Inane Chatter

Work today was not cool.  There was drama, and I cried.  (Less than five minutes, alone in a bathroom stall – that sounds really pathetic, but it wasn’t that bad.  It was after I got an apology of sorts, not while the drama was going on.)  It’s over, I’m home, I exercised, John made dinner – all is well.  But I’m tired.  Drama wears me out.

My brain has been buzzing all day, but only about work stuff, and I wish it would stop. I was asked to volunteer for some outside-normal-working-hours work, and that project finally started to need me, so work is reaching into my evening and weekend hours again. Thankfully, this particular project is due in two weeks, so the pain will be short-lived.

I have a desperate dog trying to crawl into my lap, making typing difficult. He’d climb into my skin with me if he could. Needy animal.  We’re going to try group meditation (me and the dog) and see if he’ll calm down once I’m fully relaxed.  Deep breaths, Riley. You can do it.

Thanks to Emily (and the totally random subject of an email she sent to John), I think I’ve found my calling. Or at least another job possibility should I decide 9-5 in the IT world isn’t doing it for me anymore. I could totally be a life coach. I just googled it – there are certification courses in life coaching. Who would pay someone for that? More to the point, who would pay ME for that? And how can I convince them to?

No segues come to mind, so let’s work together on this and pretend I found one so I can abruptly change the subject.

Here’s a transcript of a voice recording I left for myself on my phone (that I’d forgotten about), I think from early December:

We’re driving home from John’s parents’ house, and we just passed a sign that says we’re in a highway safety zone for the next three miles.  I said, “What does that mean?”  John said, “It means you can dance…if you want to.”

And then the giggles I was suppressing broke free and I think that might be a snort right at the end of the recording.  Unfortunately (for you, maybe, but I think I’m okay with it), it’s not saved in a format I can convert to mp3, so you don’t get to hear it.

It’s funny what an unexpected internet outage can do to an evening. Since yesterday was my day off from exercising, I’d planned to spend some time reading my regular blogs (it’s been a couple of days) until John came home and we ate dinner.  Instead, I got home from a whirlwind day in DC with my boss (We commuted together and were in almost every meeting together – that’s a LOT of quality time.  I value my time alone in the car after days like this; I need it to relax and let the day go.  Didn’t happen.) to find that we had no internet, we had no phone (we have Vonage for the house (needs internet) and my cell phone battery was dying), and the problem seemed to be with the cable company.  At least we had power.  It was cold in the house, so, while I waited for John to come home so we could have stir fry for dinner, I made myself some de-caf Earl Grey and curled up under a blanket on the couch with my book.  My new book, a mystery set in post-WWI England with a haunted detective.

The internet came back this morning (obviously).  I missed it.

Maybe I’ll become addicted to classes at the gym.  There are worse things.  I feel SO much better than I did all day.  It was, to be blunt, a shitty day.  A few people at work were in bad moods and were being pricklier than usual, and that put the rest of us on edge, so we were all sniping at each other most of the day.  I texted John around lunchtime and said I was considering pretending to get sick just so I could leave early.  I wanted out of there.  But no, I stayed all day.

But then, I went to my new gym (I joined today – they won me over) for what was described as a high energy dance fitness class.  Everyone in the class was super-friendly and the steps were fun and I had a wonderful time and I feel MUCH better.

Really, I am.  It says so right there, on my blue, Lucite, sharp-edged award.  It was awarded to me (because it’s an award and that’s how you get them) at our annual work thing this afternoon (a speaker, team discussions, yearly awards, etc).  Pretty cool.  It looks like the missing murder weapon on Law & Order.  You know, the victim’s head was smashed in with a heavy blunt object at the office, but no one has been able to find the murder weapon.  Then one day the cleaning crew notices one less thing to dust on the shelf in the executive’s office, and when they finally find the weapon (which was shoved in a box in the closet), it turns out to be an award for excellence in consumer relations that has been hastily (and not thoroughly) cleaned off.  Plenty of evidence to convict.

Mine looks kinda like this, but blue. And a little more substantial. And therefore dangerous.

I may also have committed myself to playing golf with my boss when the weather warms up.  She’s aware that I’ve never played before, that I’ve never even picked up a real golf club (I don’t think putt-putt counts), but that might be part of the appeal for her.  I’m someone she could beat.  Maybe she’ll forget.  Oh, look!  A problem to solve!  I’ll get right on it.

The internet conspired to make me laugh today, which is good ’cause my workday left me feeling irritable.  First, The Bloggess.  Naturally.  Time-share ponies = awesome idea.  Then, John and I watched an episode of Castle on Hulu tonight (we’re maybe three episodes behind – it was the one with Donna from That ’70s Show), and there was one scene we laughed so hard at we had to pause the show and go back.  Then, I read an email from last week (I’m not that behind – I must have missed this one) that’s a compilation of winning Style Invitational entries and alternate definitions of words.  I can’t find the actual list online anywhere, so I think it’s just an email thing that was put together who knows how long ago (I’ve seen some of them before) and by who knows who, but it’s really funny.  My favorite was lymph: to walk with a lisp.

Maybe you had to be there.

I meant to post this yesterday but got distracted by the evening’s drama. Nancy Nall, purveyor of links, pointed me to a couple of things that made laugh. First, the cheat sheet Bonnie Tyler probably used (I would have) during the original recording. My favorite part is the dotted line indicating when to croon the lyrics or belt them out.  Second, an edible rickroll.  I know it’s a couple of years late, but that never gets old to me.  Third (and best), Better Book Titles.  Self-explanatory, I think.

Alternate title: Selfish Spoiled Brat To Blame for Deforestation

Today was a snow day, but I didn’t get to play in it.  I had back to back to back meetings all day long, mostly with the same group of people, so it turned into one highly productive marathon conference call.  My ear buds aren’t meant to be worn for nearly 10 hours in a row.  It was a relief to finally hang up the phone.  And tomorrow is Friday.  Compared to today, wearing jeans to work will be like dressing up.  Work clothes on a snow day = yoga pants, a sweatshirt, and fuzzy slippers.  Speaking of yoga pants, Wombat is in love.  I have to agree.  I can only think of one job where I could get away with wearing yoga pants to actual work, and I’m not flexible enough for that.

Happy 10th Anniversary to us!  John woke me up with one of my favorite cheerful wake-up songs (“Carolina in the Morning”, Dean Martin) because he’s wonderful, and I started my day deliriously happy.

Then I went to work.

Work today wasn’t really any different than it is any other day, except that I’m trying to get everything I’ve been working on in order so I can leave it all in somebody else’s hands for a week and a half.  I’m way more distracted then usual because I JUST WANT TO GO ALREADY, so even though I’ve made a bunch of lists to make sure I don’t forget anything, I’m having a hard time keeping track of all the lists.  I got a little stressed out.

But then I got home and started doing stuff I want to do (like pack and check off the fun lists), and I feel much better.  We’ll just celebrate our anniversary when we get there, which is kinda the whole point of the trip.

Anyway, happy anniversary to us.  Enjoy one of my favorite songs.

I don’t want to work any more this week.  Or next week.  I’m ready for vacation, and I’d like a super-long one, please.  The danger with super-long vacations, of course, is that after all that time off, I don’t want to go back to work.  The first time that happened to me was after the month I took off to move across the country when I transferred from San Diego to Norfolk.  Then, I could very easily blame my reluctance to go back to work on the fact that work = ship and deployment and separation and stress.  I don’t have that excuse anymore (something I am most certainly NOT complaining about).  Going back to work now just means not being able to stay home and be lazy, something I don’t get any sympathy for.  Which is fair.  I can hardly demand sympathy for being employed.  Nor should I.

Editing is a good thing.  I just deleted a paragraph about my hair.  My ponytail, really.  Be grateful.  It was…stupid.  Worse than inane.  Or, well, it was inane, but not in a fun way.

Because I can’t think of any other way to stop tonight, I’ll leave you with this: Kenny Loggins wouldn’t beat the baby Jesus.

Blah blah blah blah blah. Blah blah blah blah blah-blah blah blah.  Blah blah.  Blah blah?  Blah.  Blah-blah blah blah blahblahblah blah.

Really, that’s all I heard today.  Behind it, my to-do list ran on an endless loop in my head.  Finish the test scripts, pack for the wedding, drop the dogs at the kennel, buy a wedding present, where are they registered?, finish the test scripts, leave work a little early to get the dogs to the kennel before they close, don’t forget clothes for Saturday in case we spend the day wandering in the city, make-up – where’s my make-up?, get out of some meetings at work so I can finish the test scripts, get off the internet and do some work, what else do I need to pack?, and so on.  Yeah, I’m relaxed.  I’m SO close to being able to leave work at work again.  Thisclose.  The end is in sight.  And then I can be myself again.  I hope.

I had to go downtown today to teach a training class for the first time in five months (unexpectedly – I’m the LAST backup for that, which means that the other six people were all either sick or still out of town for the holiday, so I found out at 6:15 this morning), and I’m comPLETEly worn out.  I’d forgotten how much that takes out of me.  I love to talk, I’ll never deny that, but talking for eight hours straight while standing up and fielding questions is exhausting. And then I came home and worked, since I didn’t get any of MY work done today.

So.  Short.  Almost done and going to bed (hoping that the guy I was subbing for today feels better when he wakes up in the morning).

I bought a hat!

And then I got a haircut, but I’m not ready to show it yet.  I need to remember how to use a hair dryer first.

1. I’m allergic to work.  Like the physical building, not the work itself.  I got in this morning and my head exploded.  I felt fine (not achy or sick or anything), but I couldn’t stop sneezing, my eyes wouldn’t stop watering, and my head stuffed up.  I left around one to go home and take Benadryl, and as soon as I got in the car, I dried up.  Just like that.  I didn’t take anything when I got home, and I’ve been fine since then.  We’ll see what happens tomorrow.
2. The dogs stole a tupperware lid out of the sink.  Did they chew on it?  No.  They just stole it.  They must do it for the thrill ’cause they never eat what they steal, even when it’s food.
3. I slammed the very tip of my finger in the car door.  Hurt SO much.  I shouted some not nice words and then called my mommy.  Not to shout not nice things at her, though.  She distracted me long enough for the pain to fade.  Thanks, Mom.
4. John is on the phone with his dad, and I think he’s forgotten that we haven’t had birthday cake yet.  (It’s his birthday.  We had pancakes for dinner.  Can’t complain.)  We’re not having birthday cake, but he doesn’t know that.  (I didn’t buy him a cake.  Or make him one.  Yes, I know how.  Out of a box.    Not the point.  I got a mini peanut butter cream pie for him.  Which we may or may not eat tonight.)

Time for pie!  Gotta go.

Not that I was trying to.  I was able to slow down around mid-morning today.  I can breathe again at work, I don’t have to rush anymore – everything is under control.  Mine.  As it should be.  I’ve  hardly slept in two days, though, so this’ll be a short visit.  I need rest.

Riley flipped out tonight.  I took them to the vet for routine exams and shots, and he went nuts the second we walked in the door.  He’s usually a little nervous (he pants a little, gets extra slobbery, stays under my feet), but tonight he whined and cried, paced and drooled, tried to get into my lap and then back out the door – he was a wreck.  I tried to calm him down, but nothing I did was working.  Roxy pretended she didn’t know us.  She stretched out on the floor at the very end of her leash, facing away from us.  Riley didn’t calm down until we were checking out, and from then on, he was back to normal.  I don’t know why this visit was so traumatic for him.  We were the only ones there, but maybe he was reacting to a lingering odor of fear from some other animals.  Or something.  Who knows.  He’s crashed out on his dog bed now, like nothing ever happened.  So’s Roxy.  And they’re making me tired.

I’ll continue my re-introduction to the Internet tomorrow, hopefully, with some visits to my blog friends.

The Internet is a distraction.  (Understatement of the year.)  I love the distraction, but this week I don’t have time for it.  Work is nuts (or I am nuts because of work), and I have to stay offline or I won’t get anything done.  Just this week.

I’m bursting with news, but it’s all about work, so a) the Internet at large doesn’t care (not that the Internet at large cares about anything I write, reads me regularly (or at all), or even knows I’m here (Goodness.  Pity party much?  Move along, please.)), and 2) I will NOT go into detail about work stuff here.

Also, with a little perspective, it’s just not that exciting.

So.  Other stuff to talk about.  Thanksgiving plans?  Don’t have any yet.  All we’ve decided for sure is that we don’t want to have a big gathering (last year took a lot out of us), and traveling for the holiday may be difficult since John doesn’t automatically get the day after Thanksgiving off from work.  And we’re saving vacation days.  Big trip coming up.  And we like running that 5K on Thanksgiving morning.  That’s the extent of the discussion so far.

The band is practicing tonight, so I let the dogs come upstairs with me.  Roxy curled up on the floor next to my side of the bed.  She either fell asleep immediately or she’s faking it so I won’t make her go downstairs once the guys leave.  She might really be that tired.  She had two seizures yesterday, one around noon and one around 11 last night.  She’s fine now, but I think she could use a little extra love.  We may try letting the two of them sleep up here tonight.  I’m sure they’ll only make it an hour or so before one of them decides to stick a cold nose in my face.  That’s when I’ll shoo them back downstairs.  Happens every time.

Things I want to make time for:

1. Catch up on six months of Runner’s World issues
2. De-clutter the house.  It’s an endless cycle, I know, but I want to be ahead of the clutter for once.  Just for a while.
3. Exercise.  Like real exercise.  I haven’t been getting out of bed early enough to do more than a couple of miles (occasionally three) before work, and I need to have time for four or five.  Or six, once I work my way back to handling that long of a run.  And what about other stuff, like lunges, squats, push-ups, crunches?  When am I supposed to fit those in?  Maybe I can try to make room for those at night.  Before dinner, before bed.  I’d like to do them right after the run, but I don’t think that’s realistic.  Not when I need to be out the door by 8:30.  The days are already getting shorter, sunrise is later, and just how early do I think I’m going to get up?
4. Find an affordable place to live.  With jobs.  Or find jobs that’ll let us work from anywhere.  Yes, I know our current jobs could technically be done from home, but the hard part is finding the employer who will let us do that.  So maybe that’s the next thing on the list.
5. Find jobs/employers who will allow, even encourage, us to work from home.  This list is changing directions a little.  It’s not like we’re looking for new jobs.  ‘Cause we’re not.  ‘Cause I certainly wouldn’t be announcing that here.  That would be dumb.  Let me rephrase.  Find a way to convince our current employers that we’re much more effective working from home.  There.  For real, despite my recent schedule, I like my job.  Now that I’ve (hopefully) convinced my current employer that I’m not looking for a way out, let’s move on.
6. Play with the dogs!  This should move up the list.  I feel like I’m neglecting them a bit.  They get lots of love, and I take them on my morning jog every other day or so, but I don’t run them around the yard or really play with them outside as much as I should.
7. See friends.  Again, this should move higher up the list.  Almost all of our friends live too far away.  Seeing them always means making plans, which sometimes is just too exhausting to think about.  We have so little free time during the week and we spend all weekend doing chores and running errands, so the free time we have on the weekends tends to be spent enjoying the quiet and the knowledge that we don’t have to run around for an hour or two.  We are trying to figure out a better way to live.  This is nuts.  And that leads me back to what I was saying a couple of months ago.  Neither of us wants to live like this.  We don’t want the conventional jobs, with conventional work hours and conventional commutes and conventional bosses.  But how do we get out?

Honestly, I can’t remember ever putting this many hours into my job.  EVER.  Not even when I was in the navy, ’cause I did a hell of a lot of NOT working when I was at sea.  On the one hand, it’s okay.  I like what I’m doing, I know what I’m doing, and I’m good at it.  And I’m responsible for a lot, so I have deadlines and expectations, and if I have to work a little longer to meet them when things are a little crazy at work, then that’s what I’ll do.

On the other hand, DUDE.  Not okay.  Home is home, work is work, and they SHOULD NOT OVERLAP.  For real.

The End.

If this is what working from home is like, I could get used to it.  No unwanted interruptions, dogs hanging out by my feet, I can wear whatever I want, work wherever I want (dining room table, couch, bed).  I prefer to restrict it to weekdays, though.  Today was a repeat of yesterday, minus the frustrating trip to Dunkin Donuts.  In fact, I didn’t leave the house at all today.  Not a good precedent to set.

I want my weekend back!

For a number of reasons, today kinda sucks.  It could be worse (it could be SO much worse), but it’s not what I wish for when I look forward to my weekends.  I’m working, John’s working, we’ve been camped out at the dining room table for most of the day, sitting across from each other with our heads buried in our laptops, and that’s not really the part that kinda sucks.  Mostly, it’s exhaustion. Roxy had another seizure last night, around 11pm, and this time, neither of us could go back to sleep until after 1am.  Out the window went our plans (my plan, anyway – not sure if that was John’s plan, too) to run this morning.  Instead, we slept until nearly ten.  Not good sleep.  Woke up feeling like we hadn’t slept at all, and since we have no milk in the house,  I went to Dunkin Donuts to pick up breakfast.  (Yes, no milk = bagels.  And Starbucks.  It does not equal go to the store and buy milk since you have to leave the house either way, dumbass.)  The Dunkin Donuts in our tiny town is the WORST Dunkin Donuts.  This morning was it – I’m never going to that one again.  This time, before ten am on a Saturday, they were out of plain bagels, out of plain cream cheese, and they didn’t give me the hash browns I paid for, even though they repeated the order back to me three times AND they’re on the receipt.  They’ve screwed up our order lots of times, they make terrible coffee, and they even manage to screw up iced chai.  John tells me (and I know this – I’ve been to others) that this Dunkin Donuts is not representative of the whole company, but still.  This one?  Dead to me.  That, on top of no sleep, on top of the half-hour wait at Starbucks (It may have only been 10 minutes, but it felt longer.  At least they got my order right.), all BEFORE breakfast, with no run to clear my head or make me feel virtuous for exercising when I’m eating a not-healthy breakfast, followed by WORKING makes today not the greatest Saturday.

Also, my head hurts.

Also also, I might feel better if I’d showered this morning.  I swear, that’s happening soon.

Also also also, I didn’t like the book I just finished (finally), The Emperor’s Children, so that may have been contributing to this mood.  I couldn’t even escape into my book!