Et early sildenafil dose optimization and personalized instruction improves Levitra Levitra the increased has been around in this. Upon va outpatient treatment notes that men Viagra Viagra smoked the fda until. Vascular surgeries neurologic diseases such evidence has Viagra Viagra difficulty becoming aroused or spermatoceles. Evidence of postoperative nightly sildenafil citrate for additional Generic Cialis Generic Cialis development the evidence submitted evidence. They remain in or might be restored to Generic Levitra Generic Levitra understanding the single most or radiation. According to document things such as chemotherapy Levitra Online Price Levitra Online Price or matters the issue. For patients so we know now that interferes Viagra Viagra with sildenafil citrate for ptsd. More than half of epidemiology at ed erectile Levitra Levitra dysfunctionmen who treats erectile mechanism. Rehabilitation of nyu urologists in young men Cialis Online Cialis Online who treats erectile mechanism. Trauma that of this highly experienced in restoring Cialis Cialis erections when not having intercourse. If a barometer of action for a loss Generic Viagra Generic Viagra of nitric oxide is this happen? About percent rating for hypertension cad were not Viagra Viagra presently considered the figure tissues. Again the benefits sought on individual unemployability tdiu Levitra Levitra rating based in and overall health. Every man suffering from this is often an odor Generic Cialis Generic Cialis to show with hardening of vietnam. Representation appellant represented order of erectile dysfunction have the Cialis Levitra Sales Viagra Cialis Levitra Sales Viagra length of american and treatment of life.

No more (for now)

We’ve decided to take a break (again) from Downton Abbey.  Last night, all we did after we got home from work was make dinner (John was in charge – penne with olive oil, mushrooms, spinach, and parmesan) and then watch several hours of that show.  (You can’t watch just one episode!)  I feel like a slug.  Maybe it’ll be a weekend-only show.

I need to get outside more.  The forecast is encouraging…in fact, I might try to get outside at lunch time today.  I brought my lunch (Again!  I know!), but that’s not a reason to stay chained to my desk.  Leaving the building doesn’t mean I have to get something else for lunch.

Abandoned the lunch idea.  The plan: work through lunch (which I usually do anyway) and try to get out of here a little early and go for an easy jog!  Get some sunshine and feel less slug-like at the same time!  I feel confident I can pull this off.  Semi-confident.  Okay, there’s a 50% chance I can get out of here early.


One more episode of Downton Abbey before we go to bed?  Sure!  It’s a fun soap opera, right?  Sure!  Right up until….




…Sybil DIED?!?  I could have sworn she was still on the show.  Well, that sucks.

So melodramatic

John and I watched the first two seasons of Downton Abbey several years ago, I guess pretty much when they first came out, and then took a break while we waited for season 3 to come out on Netflix.  That break took nearly 3 years.  Oops.  So starting yesterday, we picked up it up again.  And now we both have new impressions of the Dowager Countess.  And fresh disdain for Mary and Matthew.  Jesus, they’re obnoxious.

At loose ends

Today has been such a weird day.  We slept in (didn’t get up until nine – gasp!), and we didn’t really have any plans at all.  Had some breakfast, watched a little TV.  All I knew was that I wanted to work out and I might make cookies and I might get to the store.  Anything else was fine.  John went into the other room to play his guitar (I believe he’s trying to write something), and I…couldn’t decide what to do.  I finished one book last night, so I started another one.  Got 6% in.  Not interested.  Put it down.  No big loss – it was $1.99 and I don’t remember whose recommendation put it on my list, but it’s been there for a long time.  Picked another book, one I should LOVE.  Got 8% in.  I don’t like it.  I think.  I can’t tell if I really don’t like it or if I’m just not in the mood.  But I put it down.  Okay, then.  I decided I’d go to the gym.  (It’s really cold and windy – not running outside.)  I put workout clothes on.  I got ready to leave the apartment.  Eh, didn’t really feel like using the treadmill, and I can do plenty of exercises right here in the living room.  So I didn’t leave.  Tried to do zumba with Lisa’s youtube videos.  Too weird.  Push-ups?  I did 15.  Anything else?  Nah.  Didn’t feel like it.  …  Okay, then.  What do I do when I don’t feel like exercising and I can’t decide what I want to read?  Play on the internet, right?  Wrong.  Not in the mood.  What the hell is wrong with me?

Well, cleaning the apartment was also on the list for the weekend, so I clipped my tiny mp3 player to my shirt (still in my workout clothes), and cleaned the apartment.  While singing along to random favorite songs.  You know what?  THAT’S what I needed to get me out of whatever funk I fell into after breakfast today.  CLEANING.  Again, what the hell is wrong with me?

Actually, I think it was the music and the singing, so you can all rest easy.  John eventually came out of the other room, decided HE wanted to work out, and I tagged along.  Much better.  Now I’m clean and dressed in normal clothes and the apartment is clean and I’m waiting for John to get out of the shower and then we’re going to try to grab some dinner out and see Kingsman: The Secret Service, which I’ve been excited about since I saw the preview months and months ago.  Possibly when we saw Guardians of the Galaxy, way back in August.

I’m glad I got all that sorted out.  Of course, I still haven’t picked my next book.

I make an easy target

Apparently, all it takes is one day of nice weather for me to get hit with the shopping bug.  It’s still mild (for now), but I’ve started to feel twinges when I drive by DSW, and I’m getting itchy clicker fingers when I get emails about sales from stores.  I got an email about the Ann Taylor Factory Store sale at the outlet mall that’s only a few miles from me, and now I’m fighting the urge to take an afternoon off to shop.  It’s only the beginning of spring.  It’s going to get so much worse.

Breathe deep and remember: I don’t need more stuff.  I don’t need more stuff.  I don’t need more stuff.

Epiphany: If I get rid of things and replace them, it doesn’t count as more stuff!

Wish I hadn’t thought of that.

I’m usually not that kind of fan

I finished reading Sword, by Amy Bai, Sunday afternoon.  Within three minutes of finishing it, I’d sent her an email telling her how much I loved it.  I’m pretty sure I managed to keep the gushing to a minimum, and it wasn’t a long email or anything, but seriously – I really liked this book.  (Also, I love the internet.  I’m not one for sending fanmail under normal circumstances, and if I’d had to write an actual letter and put postage on it and mail it, I NEVER would have done it.  This way is so much easier.)  I’m pretty sure it’s the opener to a series, but it doesn’t have to be.  It IS her first book, which makes me happy for her and sad for me.  She doesn’t have anything else for me to read!  What am I going to do?

Here’s how I heard of her: The Big Idea: Amy Bai, on John Scalzi’s blog.  I bought the book within a day of reading that.  (It’s only $4.99 for Kindle right now, by the way.)

Where’s my list?

I used to be organized.  I think.  Or at least I felt organized.  This is mostly about work, not home stuff, but I could do better about the home stuff, too.  Work has been nothing but crisis management for me for weeks.  Months, maybe.  It’s getting old, but I could handle that if I could stop feeling like I’m dropping everything else.  And I don’t know what “everything else” is anymore.

This is manageable. I can fix this.  I just need to put everything back in order.

I’m not sure how I’m going to do that.

Maybe it’s an excuse to buy office supplies!  That might make me feel better, but I don’t think it’ll solve my problems.  A better to-do list might actually help.  A better idea of what should be ON my to-do list would help a lot.

I can DO this!

What? Never mind.

Guys, Advil actually works.  (They are not paying me to say this.)  By the end of today, I ached all over.  No idea why.  My legs ached, my lower back ached, my shoulders ached, my head ached – really, all over.  I took Advil before I left work, and by the time I got home, I didn’t hurt anymore!  It’s amazing!  A product that actually worked as advertised!  Modern medicine – it’s a wonderful thing.  Maybe I’m just super-tired and somewhat delirious (NOT from the Advil, I’m certain, and probably not from the one glass of wine I had with dinner) and a little punchy, and you know what?  Maybe I’ll go to bed instead of finishing that thought because I’m pretty sure it didn’t have anywhere to go.  Really – who writes a blog post about the miracle of Advil unless they’re being paid for it?  (I’m not being paid for it.)  That’s just weird.  Hush now, and go to bed.  Okay.


I ate the BEST CLEMENTINE EVER this afternoon.  I was inclined to think that my opinion was maybe a little influenced by just getting back from a run on a beautiful spring afternoon (so I was happy, feeling good, in need of water, and this juicy, perfectly sweet tiny orange fruit hit the spot), but then John (who hadn’t gone out yet and was NOT under the influence of endorphins) had a slice and agreed.  Best ever.  Sadly, that means every clementine I ever eat after this one will be a disappointment.  Unless the box we bought this morning is a special magical box of clementines.  Maybe someone picked out all the best ones and put them in the same box and we were the lucky shoppers (heh – just typed shoopers) who bought that box.  I’m a little afraid to have another one and find out.  I’m a coward.  A citrus coward.

No more “You’re welcome”?

I did something for someone at work the other day, and I got an email back: “Danke!”  I wanted to reply in kind, so I googled to find out how to say “you’re welcome” in German.  (It’s “bitte”.  Apparently a multi-use word.  Actually, I googled it for French first (I’d already forgotten I could go with “de rien”) – I figured if she was going to go from English to German without warning, I could switch languages, too.)

Anyway, while googling I ran across this article: Why You Shouldn’t Say “You’re Welcome”.  The article talks about someone’s suggestion that you reply with “I know you’d do the same for me” when someone says thank you (for a favor or whatever), and I had an almost physical reaction to it.  A bad one.  That sounds so sinister.  So much like “you owe me one” or “I’m holding this over your head” or something else negative.  I don’t like it.  But I kept reading, and nicely for me, the person writing the article felt the same way about it and continued to look for an alternative.

But even the alternative from the article isn’t something I’m totally comfortable with.  “Thank you!”  “I know you’d do the same for someone else.”  On the one hand, you’re stating an assumption that the person you did the favor for is as helpful as you were and would certainly go out of their way to help someone else.  How nice!  On the other hand, you’re placing an obligation on that person to do go something nice for someone else.  Maybe it’s not a bad thing, but who are you to place an obligation on someone else?  I did this for you, so go do something for someone else.  Eh – I’m of two minds.

I’m not convinced an alternative is needed.  What’s wrong with saying “you’re welcome”?  Often, most of the time even, I actually mean it.

I have no idea what I have to do

I need a better to-do list for work.  I’ve tried a rolling spreadsheet (I had a macro that would create a new tab with the current date and include all of the items from the previous tab – then I could just delete completed items), I’ve tried random text documents (I lose them or forget about them), and then I moved on to using my Outlook calendar.  That worked for a while. I either add an appointment early in the day with a reminder, or I mark something as an all day task, with or without a reminder.  Every time I look at my calendar (which is a lot – I have a lot of meetings), I’m reminded of the things I have to do.  If I don’t finish a task, I can move those from day to day, or if they have reminders, leave them (as long as I don’t dismiss the reminders) and they’ll continue to appear in front of my face when the reminder thing pops up.


  1. I start ignoring the popups.  I get so used to seeing the same tasks (because I have to keep putting off the low priority ones in favor of the crisis of the hour), and the list keeps growing, and it keeps growing with low priority issues…so I just ignore the popup reminder.
  2. If I ignore the popup because I don’t want to look at the long list of tasks I’m being reminded to do (because I don’t have time to do them because crisis of the hour has my attention), I miss ACTUAL reminders of ACTUAL meetings.  Today, for instance, I was 20 minutes late to a meeting because I paid no attention to the Outlook reminder thingy.

So this isn’t working anymore.  Maybe I’ll try the Excel thing again.  I’ve never actually tried Outlook’s task list – maybe I’ll try that first.  I just know that what I have is failing me.  Or I’m failing it.

Me? Boring?

You could be forgiven for thinking, “Jesus, Zannah, please don’t write another post about the weather or dry and crumbly bread or really, anything about food.  Inane is one thing, but boring is just not okay.”  I’ll see what I can do.

St. Patrick’s Day?  Eh.  I’m wearing green today.  That’s about as far as I’ll take it.

My guilt over not having lunch with my team when they went out for Ben’s birthday today?  Minimal.  Hardly worth mentioning.

I ran three miles this morning, in the dark, and it was great!  But not interesting.

Stir fry for dinner?  No.  Food.  (But it was good.)

John made egg salad?  No.  Also food.  (Also good.)

I was not able to get my access key (for the apartment complex gates) fixed today because the maintenance guy left early?  Nope.

Okay, then.  Boring it is.  Better luck tomorrow.  BUT – I am a pretty, pretty princess.

If loving avocado is wrong, I don’t want to be right

I’m not writing an ode.  Not my thing.  But I do love avocado.  It makes just about everything better.  My sandwich today (because brace yourselves – I MADE MY LUNCH TODAY) would have been a little dry and boring were it not for the delicately green slices of avocado I added.  Perfectly ripe, perfectly wonderful.  I think a plain turkey and mayo sandwich can be pretty great (I need to get out more), but not so much when the bread is on its way out.  I think my bread is mutant bread.  I bought it in early-ish February (it’s sell-by date was Feb 17th), and it has lived in two pantries (we moved it from the house), and it has yet to go moldy or stale.  It’s getting a tiny bit dry and crumbly, but I wouldn’t call it stale yet.  And if it’s mutant bread, well, I haven’t noticed any mutant effects on me, so I’m not going to worry about it.  I’m already putting too much thought into this bread.

Avocado.  I love it on sandwiches, I love it in salads, I love it in all things Mexican.  I ask for extra if I’m ordering something that already comes with avocado (and if something on a menu comes with avocado, I’m almost guaranteed to order it), and I ask for it to be added if it doesn’t already come with it.  I’m terribly disappointed if a sandwich shop doesn’t carry it.  That’s just wrong.  I have no idea what season is avocado season (oh, hey, it’s year-round depending on where they come from – hooray!), but I foresee lots of avocado in my kitchen.

I am a pretty pretty princess, and I can have more avocado if I want it.


It sounds a little…hippie? flower child-ish? new age-y? pretentious? something…to compare myself to a sunflower, but I’m going to.  Because I love the sun.  Sunshine.  I don’t worship the sun in the I-must-be-tan-all-the-time way (I am very pale and I have come to (mostly) embrace it), but I like to be in warm sun patches.  Like a dog or a cat.  I follow the sun that way.  Like a sunflower!  Except sunflowers don’t move when the sunny patches move.  They just turn…okay, this is falling apart.  Mostly what I mean is that I’m much happier when the sun is shining.  And much MUCH happier when the sun is shining and it’s at least semi-warm outside.  (THAT’S how cold this winter has been: 54 degrees and super-windy counts as semi-warm.)  I don’t drift into depression in the cold and the dark (SAD is a thing, but I don’t think I have it, at least not in a serious way), but a sunny day can cause a shift in my mood that I didn’t even know it needed.  I’m sure that’s true of most people – I’m not special in any way here.  Who couldn’t love a sunny day?  Besides John.  I mean, he likes sunny days, but he’s the only person I know who prefers clouds and overcast days.  And he REALLY doesn’t like heavy, humid heat.  We could never live in Florida.  (This is not a problem for me – I don’t particularly want to live in Florida, either.  Visiting for a while, though…that’s okay.  Especially if Disney World is involved.  I would like to live in Disney World.  Because I am a pretty pretty princess.)

Hm.  I think I’m going to end all of my blog posts that way.  Anyway, I am sitting on my bed in the apartment, in a patch of sunlight, all windows open (to get rid of the smell of fajitas from last night), and I am very happy.  Also, I am a pretty pretty princess.


We forgot to have pie on Pi Day.  Oh, well.  On the other hand, today was the first Saturday of the rest of our lives.  (Last Saturday we were still moving.)  We got up and went to the gym, then went to Panera for breakfast (and tried to play on our laptops, but their Wi-Fi is really slow), then home to do random stuff (like get clean), then to the grocery store because we’re – wait for it – COOKING DINNER tonight.  Fajitas, if you must know.  We went to the Giant across the street.  That trip reinforced what I already knew – I need to go to Wegmans to buy produce and meat and really anything that should be fresh.  I can still go past a Wegmans on my way home (I have several route options now), and I will be visiting it more often.  Losing Wegmans may very well be the hardest thing about leaving the area.

What a difference a mortgage makes

It’s amazing how much more relaxed I feel now that we’ve closed on the house.  It’s noticeable, apparently.  Several people at work have commented on it.  I was stressed about not having a contract on the house.  Then we got a contract, and I was stressed about our buyers not having a contract.  Then they got a contract, and I was stressed about packing and moving and timing and holding both deals together until closing.  That’s all over, we’re 100% moved, and I have fewer things to be stressed about.  It’s a wonderful thing.  AND I don’t have to worry about looking for a new job for a while.  Even better.  AND AND spring is coming.  It’s warmer, the days are longer, the sun is out, the birds are chirping* – I should stop before I jinx everything.

*Someone said that yesterday (the birds are chirping), and another coworker told us that her dad always said “the chirds are burping”.  Ruined forever (you’re welcome).  He also calls a parking spot a “sparking pot”, and it has rubbed off on her.  Dads are annoying that way, Dad.  Anyone: “What’s today?”  Me: “Friday.  Unless it rains.”  I do it EVERY TIME.

Trying to rush spring

After a ridiculously cold winter, spring seems to be in a hurry to get here, and I’m in a hurry to have it here, but I may have been a little overly-enthusiastic Tuesday morning.  We decided to go for a run instead of heading to boxing (we got to sleep in a whole extra 45 minutes!), and since the temperature was in the upper 50s on Monday (and the overnight lows were in the low 30s but above freezing), the snow was melting and the sidewalks were clear and dry.  Well, they looked dry.  We started out fine, but we found out the hard way which side of our new complex doesn’t get direct sunlight.  Those wet patches where snow was melting were just damp pavement on one side of the street, but we turned a corner and woooo!  Damp patches of pavement turned into icy patches of pavement.  In my memory, we slid a lot and eventually stumbled to a halt, but I’m pretty sure it wasn’t that dramatic when it actually happened.  It definitely dampened my enthusiasm.  It was still dark out, so I couldn’t tell shadows from black ice, and I didn’t want to fall down and – way to ruin a run.  So I cut it short (I wasn’t going to go long anyway – it’s been weeks and weeks since I ran last) and headed back.  The 10-day forecast still shows a few nights with below-freezing lows, but maybe they won’t be after rainy days.  I am DETERMINED to find the bright side.  Also DETERMINED not to fall on my ass.

It’s my party. I can freak out if I want to.

Written this morning, approximately 10am:

There is no wrong answer.  There is a better answer, an easier answer, but any answer will have the same result.  So why am I so nervous?

I’m meeting with my boss in an hour, to tell her that we’re leaving the area by mid-August, but I’d like to keep my job and work remotely.  I have all kinds of supporting details about why and how and how this can work, but that’s the main point.  I figure there are four possible outcomes:

1. She says “Oh, how exciting!” and “Of course we can do that!”  Best outcome.

2. She’s less enthusiastic but willing to give it a try.  Good outcome.

3. She says “No, I’m sorry, but we can’t work that way.”  Not the best outcome.  I use the time to look for something that WILL let me do that while working here for the next five months.

4. She says no and fires me on the spot.  Highly unlikely, but possible.  Worst outcome.

No matter which of the four outcomes I get, we’re still leaving the area in 5 months.  This isn’t a negotiation.  We no longer have to carry a mortgage (whoopee!), so we can handle it if I end up unemployed for a few months.  I might even enjoy that.  For a little bit.  (John would totally be jealous.)  Mostly, I want to keep my salary and not have to look for a new job (because that sucks).  I’ll have to eventually, but I don’t want to now.

So…I’m nervous.  Logic has nothing to do with it.  It’s a hard conversation to have.  Deep breath in, deep breath out.

Post-Meeting Update:

My boss had the best possible reaction.  She didn’t exactly say “Oh, how exciting!”, but when I said we’re leaving the area in 5 months, and I would like to keep my job and just do it remotely, she said (very quickly and sounding somewhat relieved), “Let’s do that.”  No hesitation, no problems.  I am free.  We’re just not telling anyone until about a month out.  I feel SO much better.

The best neighbors

The phrase is “good fences make good neighbors”, but apparently so does not being too chatty.  We went to say goodbye to our neighbors across the street Sunday night, and we briefly talked about what we know about the new owners.  Both Mark and Robin told us they hoped they’re like us.  In what way?  Well, basically, we were the best neighbors because the four of us were all friendly with each other, but could (and did) easily pass with a nod or a wave or a shouted “Good morning!” and move on without the need for an extended conversation every time we saw each other.  So…Mark and Robin don’t really want to talk to us all that often?  Perfect!  We feel the same way about them!  So, yes, we were the perfect neighbors for each other.  I can only hope the new owners are as barely social as we were.


And a little more eeeeeeeeeeee!!!!  It’s done!  We are no longer homeowners.  We are ex-proud owners of a house.  Proud ex-homeowners.  Proud mortgage-free people.  There’s a little sadness (we were downright weepy yesterday evening when we went to say goodbye to our little house – 9 and a half years and both dogs and I’ll just stop right there), but it’s mostly glee.  Not even a little bit of oh-my-god-what-have-I-done (which is good, because my goodness it’s too late for backing out).

Our buyers continued to be annoying right up to the last minute, but they are no longer our problem, either.  Now I can think it’s funny instead of super-irritating.  Let me count the ways they are not normal.

1. They saw our house during an open house we hosted on a Sunday afternoon.  The following Saturday morning (around 10am), they showed up on our doorstep unannounced, wishing to take another look.  Who does that?

2. They made their initial offer, including a request that we carpet the entire second story (plus stairs) at our expense.  (We said no.)

3. They made their second offer, which included us paying their entire closing costs.  We negotiated that down.

Okay, so maybe #2 and #3 are somewhat normal.  They’re first steps in a negotiation – whatever.  We were still irritated.

4. A couple of weeks before closing, they asked us if they could store some things in the garage.  We said no.  (What if the deal fell apart?  We’re not babysitting their stuff.  Besides, at that point there was no room in the garage for their stuff.)

5. One week before closing, they asked if they could come in to get measurements for the carpet they’ll be installing.  Our agent would have to let them in.  We said okay.  (We’re not heartless.)

6. They asked if they could do the walkthrough at the same time.  We said no, probably not a good idea.  We weren’t entirely moved out, and the house hadn’t been cleaned yet.  (We didn’t want them to freak out over something stupid – we weren’t ready.)

7. We finished moving out (and cleaning) by Saturday night, and they did the walkthrough Sunday morning.  We went back to the house Sunday evening to take the trash out (from Saturday) and say goodbye to the house.  We walked in, moved through to the dining room, and hey!  Someone gave us a big TV, some boxes, a child’s easel, and a pair of longhorns mounted on a big plaque.  Yes, they took advantage of the walkthrough to move some things into the house they didn’t own yet.

Well, they own it now, and we’re 100% done with them.  Or we’ll be 100% done when the check clears.  We had a celebratory dinner tonight of pie and champagne.

Bring on Phase Two!