pondering the big questions

Disney convenience

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If you stay at a Disney resort, they send you a Magic Band (which I have already shown you) that acts as your park ticket, your room key, and your FastPass (skipping long lines for rides), and if you link your credit card to it (and a PIN), you can use it to pay for EVERYTHING.  (If you don’t stay at a resort, you can still buy one and use it the same way.)  It was incredibly convenient, and it meant we could really pare down what we had to carry.  It’s making me reconsider services like Google Wallet and Apple Pay.  There are still security concerns, and I’d always have to have my phone, but I always DO have my phone.  Obviously, there are still places that don’t use those services, so I couldn’t use it all the time, but I’m willing to bet it’ll become more and more common, just like it’s more and more common for even street vendors to take credit cards.  It’s something I’m thinking about, anyway.

Dog fix needed

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Our bike ride this afternoon took us past the dog park.  It’s a really big dog park, and there were a lot of dogs playing and looking happy.  We watched for a few minutes, trying not to be those weirdos who lurk outside dog parks without dogs.  I missed our puppies, but was mostly happy to watch all those dogs play.  I’ve toyed with the idea of volunteering at an animal shelter before, and I’m toying with it now.  I’m not Mom – I can be trusted not to come home with a new pet.  But will it make me feel better, knowing I’m helping out homeless animals, giving them love and attention and helping them get adopted?  Or will it make me feel worse to come home every time, NOT having adopted a new pet (a new dog, let’s be honest here), knowing I’m not rescuing them and giving them all a loving home?  Because really – now is not the time for us to get a dog.  We’re not ready emotionally.  We’re a week away from three years since Roxy’s death, and about a year and a half from Riley’s. We both have dreams about one or both of them fairly regularly, which is kind of nice.  They’re not sad dreams – they’re matter of fact (we’re doing something and oh hey, one of the dogs is with us), and it’s kind of like saying hello.  For me, crying about them is not a thing of the past.  On top of that, our travel plans make it complicated, so it’s not an option.

But anyway, volunteering at an animal shelter – good thing for me?  Bad thing?  I should probably try it and see.

Things I don’t understand

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I don’t know a lot of things, obviously, and that will always be the case because who can ever know everything?  But I think that if I learn something, or someone explains something to me, I’m capable of understanding it.  I feel like that should be true of EVERYTHING.  I’m intelligent and curious.  Tell me, and I’ll understand.

There are exceptions.

Things/actions I don’t understand:

  • People who wear make-up to work out
  • People who wear perfume/cologne to work out
  • People who don’t wave/nod/smile/say good morning back
  • Acquiring a taste for something
  • People who cut in line (there are some exceptions, but they require explanations and politeness)
  • Dog-walkers who don’t clean up after their dogs
  • Drivers who don’t use their turn signals

This may be Part 1 of an ongoing series, but for now, those are the big ones.

I can hear the chapel bells chime

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Our apartment is directly across the street from the Naval Academy and just a little bit down the block from the Naval Academy chapel, where midshipmen get on the longest wait lists EVER to get married.  I have yet to see a wedding there, but I rarely go on the yard.  My view of the chapel is the back view, pretty much.  But I can hear it!  Bells chime on the quarter hour from 8am to 8pm daily.  Sometimes I can tune them out, sometimes every quarter hour shoves me through the day.  Most of the time I don’t mind them.  What I’m not crazy about are the songs.  At noon every day, after the bells ring the hour, they play “Eternal Father, Strong to Save”, and at 6pm every day, they play…something.  I think it varies, and it’s not always recognizable.  Sometimes it’s not even recognizable as a melody.  Tonight, though, it was “Amazing Grace”.  I think.  I’m pretty sure.

The Naval Academy website has a page for the chapel but NOTHING about the bells.  I found a 16-year-old article in the Washington Post about them, so now I know that they’re not rung by people (they’re digitized), I’m right about the Navy Hymn at noon every day, and apparently a hymn is selected at random from a database at 6pm every day.  Although it also says that the organ was going to be hooked up eventually, so maybe eventually came during the last 16 years and some person on the organ is responsible for the 6pm hymns that don’t sound like anything melodic.  I choose to believe that.

We’re about to trade constant bell-ringing for train chugging and whistles.  Which will we prefer?

Too many anthologies

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It seems I’ve been reading a lot of short story collections lately (over the last year), and I’ve noticed a common thread – I put a lot of them down without finishing all the stories. It happens more with collections from different authors – just when I find a story I like, it’s over, and I have to shift gears for a new voice and a new story. When I read an anthology by the same author, I don’t have this problem. Same voice, I guess? Maybe the next time I pick up a collection, I should space the stories out. Read a story, switch to a novel, read another story, read another novel. That’s an actual plan that I will follow. Good idea, me!

Everything is a risk

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*Continued from previous post.

Aren’t we (the collective we) always taking our lives in our hands?  Aren’t our lives always in our own hands, in one sense or another?  Every little thing we do has a risk associated with it, but we choose to do those things despite the risks (and, of course, we mitigate those risks where we can).

  • We got on a plane to fly across the country.  The plane could have crashed for any number of reasons.
  • Speaking of flying, John is learning to pilot small planes.  He’s not experienced, and even with an instructor there with him, he could crash.
  • I ate a sandwich – I could have choked on it.
  • I went down into the basement to get the laundry – I could have fallen down the stairs.
  • I went for a run – I could have had a heart attack or been hit by a car or been pushed over the rail of the bridge.
  • I went outside to meet Jess for coffee – I could have had a satellite fall on my head.  A rabid dog could have bitten me.  A rabid squirrel could have bitten me.
  • I let a stranger make me coffee (well, I paid her to make me coffee) – the lady at the coffee shop could have poisoned me (although that would be bad for business).
  • I washed dishes in the sink – the electrical cable from the electric kettle could fall into the running water and electrocute me.

Afraid as I am that The Big One will hit the Pacific Northwest while we’re there, I don’t think I can let that stop me from going.  That feels like the first step towards hiding in my room, curtains drawn, locking myself in and the rest of the world out.

To Facebook or not to Facebook

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I am considering setting up a Facebook account.  I had one a long time ago, but I canceled it after only a couple of years because I NEVER used it.  NEVER as in not once did I post a status.  I had a profile picture, and I friended people, but that’s about it.  Then they changed the privacy settings, and I figured I’d just get out.  And I think this was around 2007.  Maybe 2009.  Hey, it was 2010!  (Damn, I was kind of funny in 2010.  Wonder what happened?)  Now, with all the moving around, I’ve gotten a lot of requests (some outright demands) that I get on Facebook.

I’m considering it.

I still probably wouldn’t use it much.  I’m on Twitter (@zannah42), and as of today, I’m on Instagram (also zannah42 – is there a symbol for Instagram?), although that’s going to be a little-used account, I would imagine.  I don’t take many pictures.  And (most-used), I’m HERE.  What would I post on Facebook that I wouldn’t post here first (or possibly on Twitter)?  I don’t really see the point, but for people being able to track me down and connect, maybe it’s worth it.

But that raises another interesting question.  (Well, it’s interesting to me.)  Should I link to my blog on my Facebook page (assuming I set one up)?  I know that all you people know who I am in real life, but technically, I am anonymous here.  I’ve never used my full name, never my last name, never the last names of my family members.  I’ve never given out my address or posted a picture that included my house number or even mentioned the name of the town we owned that house in for nearly 10 years.  NOW I’m fine with saying we live in Annapolis (for now), but I’m still not using my full name or giving out my address.  Someone would have to work at it (not that hard, but it would take a little effort) to find out who I really am if they stumbled across me here accidentally.  I am not a public figure.  But Facebook is not anonymous. I would have to use my real name.  And if I post a link to my blog on a Facebook account with my information in it, then I will stop being anonymous here.

Then again, what does that really mean?  What do I post that anyone out there couldn’t read?  I don’t go into details about work.  Once in a while, I talk about finding another job, but who doesn’t?  Besides, I haven’t yet.  (I’m not even looking.)  I have plenty of good reasons to stick with the one I have.  Being afraid of getting fired because of something I write here is not how I want to live.  I don’t discuss huge personal details.  I don’t say bad things about other people (not that could get me in trouble with anyone I know, anyway).

Of course, if I don’t link to my blog on my as-of-yet-hypothetical Facebook page, will I feel compelled to update there, too?  [Thinks about it for 2 seconds.]  No.  That is not going to be a problem.  So then it will be a basically unused page, there for people to find me if they want to.  But if I link to my blog, then it will be an unused page with a link to my blog.  Why link to my blog?  To drive traffic here?  As if people will really come find me on Facebook (a big if, aside from the people who have been asking me about it) and then say, “Oh, I wonder what she’s really thinking?”  Not likely.  So…I have not come to any conclusions.  Help!

Back to practical matters (if I decide to do it): do I have to have a personal FB account?  Or can I set one up that’s for me and John?  (There is NO way he’s creating an account under his name.)  I think if I set up a Facebook page for us, I still have to have a personal account to manage it.  Google isn’t really helping me out here.

Someone tell me how to make hats work!

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How does one become a hat person?  I like hats. I like to try them on.  I like to buy them.  I think I look pretty okay in hats.  But I own three hats (of the non-baseball cap, non-winter kind), and I NEVER wear them.  Even when I think, “Hm, I could wear a hat with this outfit,” I NEVER choose to wear the hat.  A big reason why is because I’ll have hat hair.  I already suffer from lack of volume.  Wearing a hat makes it SO much worse (and adds a big dent all the way around my head).  How to hat people avoid hat hair?  Do they have perfect hair that doesn’t flatten down or show weird ridges where the hat hits the head?  Is there a trick?  Do they just never take their hats off?

Maybe I’ll figure it out this fall.  I’ll try it.  Maybe.  If I don’t, my hats are going away.  Why move with hats I don’t wear?

Am I too impatient?

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Scenario: You have an apartment for rent.

You showed it to prospective tenants (very nice people, the PERFECT tenants) at 9:30 Saturday morning.  You needed to meet them early because you were hosting a party that afternoon and evening, and you needed time to prepare.  Your perfect prospective tenants were happy to meet you that early (they’re very understanding).  They were enthusiastic about the apartment, promised to get back to you within a couple of days, and wished you well with your party.  They only took up 15 minutes of your time.

After a productive day of apartment-hunting, your perfect prospective tenants sent an email at 9:30 Sunday morning (a civilized hour) requesting an application because they would like to rent your lovely apartment that suits their needs perfectly.

Question: How long do you wait to email them back?

It is now Monday morning, and your perfect prospective tenants have not heard a peep from you.  They really want your apartment, but they also found a very nice one on the other side of the bay that would do the trick (although without the total lifestyle change they’re looking for).  They can’t leave THOSE possible landlords hanging too long, but they don’t want to shut that opportunity down because what if this apartment falls through?  They won’t know if you don’t respond.

Do your perfect prospective tenants become less perfect if they call you or send you a follow-up email?  They’re aware you had a party Saturday night and houseguests that might not have left until late Sunday.  They don’t want to be inconsiderate or pushy.  How soon is too soon?

Update: I called her, and she was very nice.  She lost track of yesterday, never checked her email, and she was just reading my message to her now.  She said she’d send over the application within the half-hour.  So once I have that, I can let our other possible place go.  Yay!

Too quiet

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I’m probably going to regret even thinking this, but this week has been quiet at work.  A little too quiet.  Like trouble is brewing somewhere, and it’s going to hit us hard soon.  Now that I’ve thought it, it’s probably going to come true.

That’s both pessimistic (in this particular case) and incredibly arrogant of me to believe that things will happen because I think them into being.  But you know, as far as I can tell, nothing is real if I don’t think of it.  You’re all constructs of my imagination, believed into being to keep me company.  The sandwich I had for lunch today (which was really good, by the way – hummus, cucumbers, artichoke hearts, and roasted red peppers) was imaginary, made for me by imaginary Potbelly employees.  I just had a conversation about my imaginary job with my imaginary coworker in my imaginary office.  Where am I, really?  What am I?  Who am I?

I just watched a YouTube video of a rabbit defending her babies from a very large snake (and winning).  That is not something I would have thought to imagine.  Existential crisis averted!  You may all consider yourselves real.

Who can you trust?

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The weather people continue to lie to me.  We were supposed to get thunderstorms today.  We even saw really threatening (and cool-looking) clouds to the west.  But we got zero rain and no more than two rumblings of thunder.  Tomorrow’s temperatures were supposed to drop to the 60s (in contrast to the high 80s and low 90s of the last few days), but the forecast now shows more of the same high temps.  Why do the weather people insist on all these lies?  Do they think it’s fun?  Taunting us, teasing us, and then snatching the things we look forward to away?  Mean.  More importantly, why do I keep believing the forecasts?  Some people just never learn.

Sometimes you feel like a nut

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(Now I want an Almond Joy.)

A friend at work asked me what kind of degrees my interns usually have (or are working on).  Most of them (I’m including interviewees, too) are IT-related, but I’m considering hiring a guy with a sociology degree and a minor in religious studies.  I told my friend that; his response was to tell me I shouldn’t hire another religious nut. (He was clearly joking – no need to be outraged on anyone’s behalf.)

“Having a minor in religious studies does not make him a religious nut.  Wait.  “Another” religious nut?”

“Yeah, like yourself.”

“How, exactly, am I a religious nut?”

“You don’t celebrate Christmas.  Or decorate.”

“I’m an atheist.”

“My point!”

“Are you kidding me?  That might make me an anti-religious nut.  But I’m not militant or anything.”

“I didn’t say you were militant.  Just a nut.”

It was a ridiculous conversation, but there you have it.  I am a nut.

Heart rate ramblings

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The American Heart Association says that when you exercise, you should try to keep your heart rate between 50% and 85% of your maximum heart rate.  The easy way to get your maximum heart rate is to subtract your age from 220.  So my max heart rate is about 184 beats per minute.  85% of my max heart rate is 156 bpm.  My GPS watch came with a heart rate monitor, so I’m usually wearing that when I run.  Based on those guidelines, my warmup should keep me around 100 bpm, and I shouldn’t reach 156 until I’m working hard.  But that’s not how it works for me.  I reach 156 bpm with a light jog.  Running uphill, I hit 165-170.  Sprinting, 185 to 190.

So….am I stressing my heart?  About to die?  I don’t feel like I am.  At 156 bpm, I’m not even breathing hard.  I know those are guidelines, but should I be worried?  I’d been wondering about this for a while, and I finally remembered to ask my doctor about it while I was actually AT the doctor’s office.  (That almost never happens.)

Answer?  If I feel fine, I shouldn’t worry.  They really are just guidelines, and it’s okay if they don’t apply to me exactly right.  So, okay.  No worrying.  But I’m glad I finally asked about it.  I kept remembering that runner a few years ago in Colorado (?) who was running in the heat and had a heart attack and died.  No history of heart problems.  I wasn’t actually worrying about this.  Really.  I lost NO sleep about it.  I just wondered.  Now I don’t have to wonder.  And neither do you.

But I am curious about my resting heart rate.  Sitting here right now, my heart rate is 72 bpm.  You’re supposed to get your resting heart rate after you wake up in the morning, before you get out of bed.  For one thing, I never remember that.  For another, what about alarm clocks?  Does it only count if you wake up naturally?  If the alarm startles you awake, wouldn’t that mean your heart rate is somewhat elevated?  I haven’t checked it in years (either I don’t think about it at all, or I do, but not when I’ve just woken up), but the last time I remember checking, my resting heart rate was about 60 bpm.  I’m curious to see what it is now.  But that will require me to remember to check.  And I don’t have a morning without an alarm coming up for almost two weeks.  Maybe a little more.

I want to see you work for it

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We have cable in the apartment (it came with the internet), but we still don’t really ever watch it.  I did use it to watch the Kentucky Derby the other day, though, and I kept seeing commercials for car racing (no idea which one(s)).  I have NO interest in car racing, and the juxtaposition finally gave me a reason why.  When you’re watching a horse or a person run (the only other type of racing I like to watch), you can see the effort.  You see them breathing hard, the muscles moving, sweat pouring – it takes visible effort, even when it looks effortless.  Cars driving in an oval?  Eh.

Why couldn’t we have been horse people?  How is it that I grew up in Kentucky, fro age 8-18, and didn’t have any friends with horses?  I’m nowhere near horse-obsessed (I haven’t ridden one in four years or so), but given the opportunity, I think I could be.  I know I could be.

Dinner!

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I don’t cook much (as most of you know), but for some reason, I feel like what I made tonight for dinner was more like real cooking than the other things I make for dinner.  Patently ridiculous.  I don’t consider salmon, brisket, pasta, stir fry, etc., real?  I even include vegetables when I make those!  Crazy.

Tonight’s meal wasn’t any harder.  I diced onions and a bright orange bell pepper.  Sauteed them in a pot with a little butter.  Added canned red beans and garlic and pepper and a little salt (didn’t need the salt). Tossed in small pieces of already cooked andouille sausage.  Steamed some rice.  Threw it all in a bowl.  It was good.  Why does it feel more like cooking?  Because it took more steps?  Not any more than stir fried vegetables over rice.  It wasn’t exactly healthy.

It was maybe a little satisfying to have it come together so nicely.  But I didn’t enjoy it, no.  I don’t like cooking.  I do not.

Curbing my desire to squee

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I mentioned the other day (last week?) that I loved Amy Bai’s Sword SO much that I emailed her to tell her about it.  (Seriously, I really REALLY liked it, and I’m really REALLY glad she’s working on the sequel.)  Then I started following her on Twitter (I follow a handful of authors I like on Twitter – they’re fun).  Then she emailed me back and was super nice.  (Or maybe she emailed me back and then I started following her on Twitter – can’t remember, doesn’t matter.)  AND THEN, she started following ME on Twitter.  I am not cool enough for this.  But I’m trying to act like I am.  🙂  No public squeals of delight. I’m pretty sure the neighbors didn’t hear me.

Luckily, Jess has upped her game on Twitter, and I’ve taken that as a dare to do the same.  Why be on Twitter if I’m not going to use it?  All I do is follow a bunch of people hoping to be amused.  Boring for anyone following me, including myself (not that there are many of those (which is okay)).  So let’s be less boring (at least to me and Jess).

Small dilemma: I was going to start tweeting about the books I’ve been reading that I’ve really liked, but having Amy Bai follow me on Twitter (have I mentioned that Amy Bai is following me on Twitter now?) makes me hesitate (because hers is one of the books I would tweet about).  Does it look self-serving?  Like, “Look at me!  I liked your book!  I’m telling the world, and it’s only coincidence that I didn’t tell the world until after you started following me and would see it (wink, wink)!”  Except that I told you guys before she was following me (but she doesn’t know that), and I told HER before she was following me (she’s following me!), and since I’ve already told you, why even tweet about it?  I don’t want to look like I’m sucking up or starved for attention.  Or a stalker.

Overthinking this?  Probably.

Definitely.  Authors are people who like other people for the same reasons everyone else does, and being nice to people is appreciated (usually) and my insecurities are having a field day.  Just relax already.

I guess I’m not in control of my own destiny

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Remember how yesterday I was going to leave work early and enjoy some sunshine?  Yeah…I shouldn’t have said it out loud.  The universe didn’t take it well.

“Oh, you want to leave early?  You’re a little frustrated with work?  Looking forward to some nice spring weather?  Need a break?  Oh, ha ha ha.  That’s so cute.  Tee hee.  That you should have such aspirations – oh, it’s too much.  Really.  Pardon me while I wipe away tears of hilarity.  Oh, ha.  Hum.  Hee.  YOU WILL BE PUNISHED.”

A three hour conference call began at 3pm.  I left work at 6:30.  I might need to placate the universe somehow.  I’m sorry!  I didn’t mean to offend!

Update: It JUST occurred to me that yesterday was April Fool’s Day.  Was this a cosmic joke?

No more “You’re welcome”?

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I did something for someone at work the other day, and I got an email back: “Danke!”  I wanted to reply in kind, so I googled to find out how to say “you’re welcome” in German.  (It’s “bitte”.  Apparently a multi-use word.  Actually, I googled it for French first (I’d already forgotten I could go with “de rien”) – I figured if she was going to go from English to German without warning, I could switch languages, too.)

Anyway, while googling I ran across this article: Why You Shouldn’t Say “You’re Welcome”.  The article talks about someone’s suggestion that you reply with “I know you’d do the same for me” when someone says thank you (for a favor or whatever), and I had an almost physical reaction to it.  A bad one.  That sounds so sinister.  So much like “you owe me one” or “I’m holding this over your head” or something else negative.  I don’t like it.  But I kept reading, and nicely for me, the person writing the article felt the same way about it and continued to look for an alternative.

But even the alternative from the article isn’t something I’m totally comfortable with.  “Thank you!”  “I know you’d do the same for someone else.”  On the one hand, you’re stating an assumption that the person you did the favor for is as helpful as you were and would certainly go out of their way to help someone else.  How nice!  On the other hand, you’re placing an obligation on that person to do go something nice for someone else.  Maybe it’s not a bad thing, but who are you to place an obligation on someone else?  I did this for you, so go do something for someone else.  Eh – I’m of two minds.

I’m not convinced an alternative is needed.  What’s wrong with saying “you’re welcome”?  Often, most of the time even, I actually mean it.

It was all action, and really good action at that

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Why do some beautiful blossoming trees have to smell so bad?  I mean, I’m sure it has something to do with defending against destructive insects or something (and I could google it find out, sure), but the smell really ruins an otherwise lovely walk around the neighborhood.

John and I saw Captain America: The Winter Soldier Friday night, and IT WAS AWESOME.  I mean, really – it was good.  And if you’re watching Agents of S.H.I.E.L.D, watch this movie before watching the “Turn, Turn, Turn” episode.  That episode will make SO much more sense.  You probably already knew that and have probably already done that, but I figured I’d pass that along.  So we got back from the movies, all excited because it was SO COOL, and sat right down and watched that episode of S.H.I.E.L.D.  Sure, it’s not the greatest TV show, but we can’t get enough of this stuff right now.  Hooray for Captain America!

P.S. I love Bucky.