Quality Control
I just wrote a whole thing about our two failed attempts to go to the quad to run around yesterday, and man, it was boring. So I trashed it. You’re welcome.
I’ll post just about anything, but I do have some standards.
I don’t have it in me
If only they weren’t weeds
Yesterday was a beautiful warm day, so I thought I’d do something helpful AND be outside. Yesterday was the day I would pull up dandelions. And then I went outside and really looked. Guys, we have SO many dandelions. Acres of dandelions. Endless seas of dandelions. Dandelions as far as the eye can see.
I started in the far corner of the yard, with Jack nearby, our portable speaker in his hands playing Sesame Street songs. He was as not interested in pulling up dandelions or playing in the dirt as you can possibly be and still be breathing, so my dandelion-pulling was interrupted by chasing after him – he headed for the street by way of the neighbor’s yard, he headed for the playset by way of the woods where poison ivy is probably making a comeback, and he headed for John who was in the driveway feeding branches to the chipper. I felt like a sheepdog.
I went back to it while Jack was napping, shifting my focus to the front of the house where at least someone (me) would see the improvement, and I was able to make a dent before I gave up for the day. There’s a very clear swath of dandelion-free grass.
Tomorrow will be when I realize how much I missed.
Slow Friday
Today is taking SO LONG. I was just reminded of an email I need to send at the end of the day, once I find some information out at a 4pm meeting and then I checked the clock frantically because oh-my-god-did-I-miss-the-4pm-meeting and NO. I did not miss it. Because it is not yet 4pm.
COME. ON.
I need to be better about doing yoga by myself
Ways that I am stressed, in no particular order:
- We’re trying to find our forever home, extra stress (get it?) on the forever. We’re tired of moving, and we’re ready to settle here and never move again, but only if we find the right house. It doesn’t have to be perfect, but if it’s not already perfect (or very close), it needs to be cheap enough to be made perfect. And I REALLY want to do it in the next month, ESPECIALLY now that our landlord is being difficult. Next bullet.
- It’s time to leave this townhouse. Our lease is up August 31st. The landlord will let us extend, but every time we talk, he adds another month to the notice we have to give, which adds another month to the length of time we’d have to carry mortgage AND rent. We were about to agree to 90 days’ notice, but then he said it’s actually 90 days plus to the end of whatever month that is. So if we gave notice on Monday, June 4th, we’d owe rent through 9/30. THAT’S NOT 90 DAYS. So we’re super irritated and about to pull the plug. If we give notice now, like today or tomorrow, we can probably still get out August 31st, but talk about adding pressure. I’m due in the second half of September. If we do this, and we’re probably going to do this, we have to find our house in the next two to three weeks and then hope everything goes smoothly with the inspection and closing.
- Work is crazy busy right now and I’m trying to figure out the best way to handle it post-maternity leave because I’m not quitting my job and we’re not putting our infant in daycare. I probably won’t work full-time, but I haven’t had that conversation with work yet, so that’ll be interesting and isn’t at all stressful, nope.
- I am PREGNANT. I’m not sleeping well, I don’t look like myself (I’m still surprised every time I look in the mirror), and holy crap I’m about to have a baby I didn’t think I was going to have. I’m juggling pre-natal appointments with extra thyroid appointments (because oh, yeah, I’ve had a messed up thyroid for over 10 years, and pregnancy is known to mess up thyroids, so I have to have additional blood tests and more visits with an endocrinologist) and trying to see houses whenever possible, but don’t forget I still have to work full-time for now. And I also have to eat right and exercise regularly and make sure I gain some weight but not too much weight. And I’m TIRED.
- I’m in a book funk. I quit my last book, read a pretty good novella, and then started a really long book that’s okay enough that I’ll keep reading it, but I don’t love it. That’s hardly a big thing, but it’s a small nagging thing, and you know what I don’t need right now? Exactly. The baby will fit that description soon enough, so how about we just avoid all small nagging things until then? (That sounds negative – I don’t mean to imply I won’t LOVE that particular small nagging thing.)
Now pardon me while I go sit on the floor and cry. Some more.
- Right. I cry. A LOT. Over both stupid things and not-stupid things. Example of a stupid thing? I cried at the end of the pilot episode of Hart of Dixie last night. Guys, that is not a good show. It’s not terrible, but it’s not good. I cried anyway. AND THEN I WATCHED THE SECOND EPISODE. My judgment cannot be trusted.
Cause and effect
I slept in this morning. That’s why I had terrible dreams about cartoon villains murdering my pets.
I haven’t walked down to the river since mid-December. That’s why it’s frozen now.
I spent a little time today sorta kinda doing stretches that resemble yoga. That’s why the mailman didn’t pick up the package we left out for him.
I’m getting a haircut tomorrow. That’s why it’s going to rain.
I don’t like the cinnamon bun creamer I bought earlier this week. That’s why my eyelashes are stabbing me in the eye.
Makes as much sense as anything in the news.
Mortality
A Twitter friend and occasional pen pal died yesterday. It was sudden – he was fine the day before Thanksgiving but then that night, his family rushed him to the hospital. He’d had a brain aneurysm. After several surgeries over the course of the weekend, the doctors determined that too much brain tissue had died for him to survive, even with another surgery. His wife took him off the ventilator Sunday afternoon.
He was unconscious the whole time. She didn’t even get to talk to him again. He was around my age, had two kids.
I only knew him through Twitter and a couple of postcards – he was funny, supportive, and kind. I feel awful for his wife and kids, and I’m trying to help in small ways.
I keep crying, but I know my emotional response is not about him. It’s not about his family. (I’d be a better person if it were.) It’s about my fear. There were no warnings. This could happen to anyone. What if it had happened to John? She didn’t even get to talk to him again. I think about what his wife is going through and I break down again, and then I feel guilty about it because it’s not about me. It didn’t happen to me. And I’m so glad it didn’t happen to me, and whoops there goes the guilt again.
I’ll be fine. I’ll do what I can to help his wife and family be fine. And tomorrow I’ll go back to our regular inane programming.
Hangin’ stuff
It’s time to hang pictures. Some pictures. Or at least we’ll start thinking about where pictures could go and we can lean them against the wall in the right room. (Baby steps.) Nearly everything we have (that we’re traveling with) is framed now, so we just have to make some decisions. Except we’re likely to get more geeky art at the Rhode Island Comic Con this weekend (yay!), so maybe we don’t want to go poking holes in walls just yet. We can wait another week, right? And then another…while…before we get frames for the new stuff, and then some more time leaning pictures against walls while we work it out… I’m sure we’ll have everything on the walls just in time for us to move again.
Ten sentences, no substance
Hi. Today sucked. Story tomorrow. Tonight: shower, then bed. Possibly no stop for reading, even. That’s how much I want to be sleeping.
(We’re both okay, everyone we know is okay. Today’s suckiness is under control. It’s just sucky and, well, inconvenient. Took an okay day down the tubes.)
So much no
I try to keep this blog free of real things that bother me. I mean, I certainly complain about stuff, but I don’t get into serious issues. I don’t plan to, either. I spend all day reading the news and talking about the god-awful things that are going on, and the last thing I want to do is write about them.
I’m angry, I’m sad, and I’m scared, and I DON’T want to talk about it. I want to hide and wake up from this terrible dream.
I won’t hide, and I will do something. I donated to the ACLU, I’ll be donating to other organizations, I’m calling my congresspeople daily, and I’ll continue to go to protests and otherwise get involved locally. I’m thinking about other things I can do.
In the meantime, I want to stay light here. It’s a nice distraction, but there are days I just can’t.
Like today. I just can’t.
Do something else
Things I should be doing:
- Working, because that’s what I get paid to do and it’s the middle of the day (or it was when I wrote this).
Things I should be doing that will make me feel better:
- Looking for a new job.
Reading my book.Sadly, this one doesn’t belong on this list right now. Reading this particular book does NOT make me feel better. It’s depressing, which is sometimes okay (memoir, sucky childhood), but it’s also not written very well. I should probably put it down.- Re-learning how to play my ukulele.
- Taking a walk.
NOPE
No. Uh uh. Not gonna do it.
Look, a puppy cam! Gosh, they’re cute. But now they’re napping.
Ooh! Donkey cam! That’s fun, but they’re not really doing anything.
Holy shit, penguin cam!
Maybe today’s not so bad after all. For those of you not into live-streaming animals, have some random adorable pictures from the internet instead:
You’re welcome.
I could use some sunshine
I’m going to stick to my theme of inanity, which I’m sure won’t surprise anyone, but it means I may need another day off. I’m in an airport again, writing this on my phone (which is going surprisingly well). Traffic sucked getting here, so we had that stress on top of last night’s disappointment. The weather is gloomy to match our moods. I’ll be looking for puppies and kittens, real or virtual, to make me feel better. Actually, that’s been backfiring lately, too. Puppies and kittens make me think of Roxy and Riley, and that’s STILL too raw.
Were you looking for depressing inanity today? Glad I could help.
Summer is taking a break
It’s raining, and there is no wind at all (apparently), so the rain is falling straight down. It’s a little eerie actually – looks robotic. John’s metronome isn’t helping the feeling.
Oh, that’s better – it’s slanting northwest now.
The temperature dropped yesterday. Today is the second day of highs in the 60s, and we’re not expected to hit 80 again until late next week (and then only barely). This is weird. Good, I think, but weird.
Hey, weather. That’s fascinating, sure, but it’s all I’ve got today. It’s Friday, work is over, and I think I’m going to take my book, open a window, and read in a comfy chair while listening to the rain. And John’s metronome.
It’s better than paying attention to the news.
Can’t win
I went to a Sprint store today to switch my number to the new phone. The guy got on the phone to I-don’t-know-who at Sprint, and I read my book. Half an hour later, he told me that my new phone uses the wrong frequencies for the Sprint network. It can’t be used for Sprint. I didn’t even know that was a thing. Apparently, Verizon and Sprint use one set of frequencies and AT&T and T-Mobile use another. This phone can be added to AT&T or T-Mobile’s network, but not Sprint or Verizon. Phones can work for one, the other, or both, and I just happened to get one that works with the wrong frequency.
So what are my options?
- Stick with Sprint and spend the $400 at Best Buy to get the phone I want. Return my new phone.
- Switch to AT&T or T-Mobile with my new phone. Will John’s phone (which works on Sprint) work on their network? I’m pretty sure it would cost more to have us on two different carriers. His phone works fine, and he’s not ready to give it up.
- Switch to Verizon and get a new phone that isn’t a Nexus (and return the one I just got). Not cheaper than spending $400 at Best Buy in the long run. Also, why would I do that?
- Switch to AT&T or T-Mobile and get a new phone that isn’t a Nexus (and return the one I just got). Same issues with John’s phone, and also still not cheaper than spending $400 at Best Buy in the long run. And nonsensical for now.
Are there other options? I’m too close to it at the moment and SO ANNOYED. I could insist we both leave Sprint, but we have unlimited data with them, and that seems impossible to get anywhere else (without also getting DirectTV or whatever with AT&T – not interested in that).
UGH.
I can’t even
I made another pie on Monday. One more pie. That’s a crucial detail I missed when I started to put it all together. I boiled sweet potatoes for only one pie. I peeled them, put them in the mixing bowl. Then I added the rest of the ingredients, according to my recipe. Yes, according to my recipe WHICH IS WRITTEN FOR TWO PIES. Started the mixer, noticed the resulting mixture was a bit runny….oh, shit. Dropped head into hands. I didn’t buy any more sweet potatoes, so I couldn’t just turn it into two pies. Tasted the mixture – a bit sweeter than usual (because of DOUBLE the amount of sugar needed for ONE pie), but pretty good. So at John’s suggestion, I added some flour to thicken it up, crossed my fingers, and cooked it.
I don’t know how it turned out. It’s puffy, and it took longer to bake completely. It was meant for my team at work – they’ll have to let me know. I’ll just hide when they try it. They’ve had it before! They’ll know!
To make matters worse, also on Monday (after the pie made it into the oven), I dropped a plastic mixing bowl of caesar salad. It landed right side up (small miracle), but half the salad bounced out of the bowl and landed on the floor. I had to walk away. Actually, I think I stomped away. That’s also when I decided not to make cookies that night. Too dangerous.
And you wonder why I don’t cook! Maybe you don’t wonder. THIS IS WHY.
Get it together!
Things I did today:
- Work
- Ordered new sheets for our bed
- Met Jess for lunch (I don’t think that counts, but it got me out of the apartment)
- Talked to Mom and Dad (not sure that should count, either – no, it totally counts because we decided on dates for my next visit)
Things I didn’t do today:
- Run (or work out in any way)
- Laundry
- Buy groceries
- Look for a new job
- Read my book
- Play on the internet (this doesn’t count)
- Write a book
- Fly a plane
- Ride a horse
- Paint a picture
- Build a house
- Cure a disease
- Sing at Carnegie Hall
- Reach through my computer and strangle someone – oh, wait. It’s good that I didn’t do that one.
Not every day can be the perfect example of how I want to live my life (yesterday was pretty darn close – it needed more John), but today fell disappointingly short. It’s my own fault. I didn’t get out of bed to run, and then I couldn’t get out of my head to enjoy the day, and then I let the rain keep me from the store. Going to the store wouldn’t have been exciting in any way, but it needs doing, and I’ll feel better when it’s done.
I will just have to do better tomorrow.
More excuses
In case you’re wondering, I have managed to finish my work things. Yay for me. But time for blogging I have not had.
Well.
Let’s be frank. All of us. We should all be frank. Frank won’t mind. He’s a generous guy. While we’re all being frank, I’ll say this. I probably have time to blog. But if I blog, I won’t be reading. And I want to read. I would rather blog than work, but that’s not the greatest idea, not if I want work to continue to pay me, so I can’t blog while I’m at work. Most days, I’ve been working a little later than I would prefer, so when I get home, I want to eat dinner and watch TV, and then I want to read and go to bed. Somewhere in there, I talk to John (because, you know, I still like him).
I’m not crazy about this trend, but blogging has not been my priority. Also, I don’t like using “blog” as a verb, so I’m going to stop doing that.
I want to want to write more. I have notes and drafts and pictures and things. They will all become posts. Soon. Really. Because I like you. And I like it here.
Same old
It’s that time again: time to pick a new book. But it’s bedtme and I’m sleepy, so I’m going to put it off until tomorrow. Which really means tomorrow after work. Why do I even want to put it off? I certainly don’t want to NOT read something.
I have made this complaint before. No more.
Hey, my company offered Molly the job she interviewed for, and she’s accepting it! That’ll be interesting. Good, but interesting. More to come as the story unfolds. Or however that goes.
You know what’s cool? My keyboard. It lights up. See?
Yeah, that’s a great picture. I’m on a roll tonight. I should definitely keep writing random stuff and then trailing off without any attempt to make it interesting. Yup. That’s what I should do.
Oh, wait! I know what I’m reading next. Finally, I have purpose! Energy renewed, off to start a new book. (Is this my process? Kind of irritating. Thanks for wading it through it!)
Not from concentrate
Today was not a good day for getting anything complicated done. Or anything easy, if it took more than 30 seconds. I’m sure it would have been different if anything had been interesting or on my list of things I want to do. The music from Pirates of the Caribbean (the film score, not “Yo Ho (A Pirate’s Life For Me)”) was going through my brain (just that one snippet – dum dum de-de-dum-dum de-de-dum-dum de-de-dum), and I think that was part of the problem. Maybe if it were longer, I could have focused for longer on one thing. Instead, I’d get to the end of that one bar, decide I must be done with whatever I was doing, and move on to the next thing. Except I WASN’T done, and then I didn’t get through the next thing, either, and wouldn’t it be nice if I could just go home and read my book? I’m pretty certain I wouldn’t have had trouble focusing on my book.
On the other hand, I had plenty of bite-size tasks, and today was the perfect day to get those done.
Complete lack of focus
I’ve lost it completely. I can’t concentrate on work because I want to work on packing and moving. I can’t concentrate on moving and packing because I want to focus on last-minute things (like packing) for next week’s vacation. I can’t focus on the vacation because then I feel guilty. For one, John isn’t going (it’s just me and Min), so it doesn’t seem fair to think only about that. Second, I feel guilty because I should be paying attention to house stuff and only house stuff. And work. But mostly house stuff. The end result is that I can’t pay attention to anything. I’m like a goldfish. Or Dory. Who are you again? I’ll just keep swimming.