complaining

There’s always something

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It wasn’t that long ago that I was rhapsodizing about them, but lately, the LAST thing I want is a hot shower.  Our townhouse doesn’t have AC.  (Our new house doesn’t either, but it’s much better insulated and it’s pretty shady there.)  We have a portable unit we bought in Oregon that vents out the window, and the townhouse had one regular window unit when we moved in.  It wasn’t TOO big of a deal last fall because we moved in September and we only had a couple of really hot days before the cooler weather started.  Now, though, it’s HOT.  We’ve had several days in a row of 90+ degree weather, and the house is pretty much unbearable.

We’re keeping the window unit running in our bedroom 24/7 (can’t wait for that electric bill), and it’s the only room that feels nice to sit in (with, of course, no place to sit other than the bed).  We moved the kitchen table and the portable unit into my office, so John and I are working together in the only other air-conditioned room in the house.  Fortunately, it’s been a quiet week for meetings so we’re not getting on each other’s nerves.  Unfortunately, the portable unit can’t keep up, so we’re still dying.

Today, even though it’s our first sub-90 degree day in a week, it’s still too warm in the house, so we’re camped out at Starbucks.

That is not the point I was going to make when I started writing.  My original point was that COLD SHOWERS ARE THE BEST.  Truly, that is not something I ever thought I would say.   It has become a necessity to take an actual cold shower before bedtime, both to clean off the sweat that’s accumulated all day long and to cool down before sleeping in the only cool room in the house.  AND IT FEELS SO GOOD.  It’s so hot in the rest of the house, bathroom included, that I find myself lingering under cold freakin’ water.  Maybe this is related to the pregnancy thing, too, but except for one incident, John has been as hot and uncomfortable as I’ve been.  We were watching TV, relatively cool, and all of a sudden I was like, “John, I need you to point the fan directly at me, I am so hot I can’t stand it please hurry up”.

Not to worry – I can find something to complain about in the only cool room in the house, too.  The window unit can only go in the window at the foot of the bed (lack of outlets and appropriate extension cords), and the air (which cannot be directed) blows directly on the pillows in the middle of the bed.  When I’m sleeping on my left side, like I am supposed to do, facing the middle of the bed, it blows directly on my face.  Consequence?  I wake up every morning congested with a drippy throat.

When will life be perfect, huh?

I need to be better about doing yoga by myself

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Ways that I am stressed, in no particular order:

  • We’re trying to find our forever home, extra stress (get it?) on the forever.  We’re tired of moving, and we’re ready to settle here and never move again, but only if we find the right house.  It doesn’t have to be perfect, but if it’s not already perfect (or very close), it needs to be cheap enough to be made perfect.  And I REALLY want to do it in the next month, ESPECIALLY now that our landlord is being difficult.  Next bullet.
  • It’s time to leave this townhouse.  Our lease is up August 31st.  The landlord will let us extend, but every time we talk, he adds another month to the notice we have to give, which adds another month to the length of time we’d have to carry mortgage AND rent.  We were about to agree to 90 days’ notice, but then he said it’s actually 90 days plus to the end of whatever month that is.  So if we gave notice on Monday, June 4th, we’d owe rent through 9/30.  THAT’S NOT 90 DAYS.  So we’re super irritated and about to pull the plug.  If we give notice now, like today or tomorrow, we can probably still get out August 31st, but talk about adding pressure.  I’m due in the second half of September.  If we do this, and we’re probably going to do this, we have to find our house in the next two to three weeks and then hope everything goes smoothly with the inspection and closing.
  • Work is crazy busy right now and I’m trying to figure out the best way to handle it post-maternity leave because I’m not quitting my job and we’re not putting our infant in daycare.  I probably won’t work full-time, but I haven’t had that conversation with work yet, so that’ll be interesting and isn’t at all stressful, nope.
  • I am PREGNANT.  I’m not sleeping well, I don’t look like myself (I’m still surprised every time I look in the mirror), and holy crap I’m about to have a baby I didn’t think I was going to have.  I’m juggling pre-natal appointments with extra thyroid appointments (because oh, yeah, I’ve had a messed up thyroid for over 10 years, and pregnancy is known to mess up thyroids, so I have to have additional blood tests and more visits with an endocrinologist) and trying to see houses whenever possible, but don’t forget I still have to work full-time for now.  And I also have to eat right and exercise regularly and make sure I gain some weight but not too much weight.  And I’m TIRED.
  • I’m in a book funk.  I quit my last book, read a pretty good novella, and then started a really long book that’s okay enough that I’ll keep reading it, but I don’t love it.  That’s hardly a big thing, but it’s a small nagging thing, and you know what I don’t need right now?  Exactly.  The baby will fit that description soon enough, so how about we just avoid all small nagging things until then?  (That sounds negative – I don’t mean to imply I won’t LOVE that particular small nagging thing.)

Now pardon me while I go sit on the floor and cry.  Some more.

  • Right.  I cry.  A LOT.  Over both stupid things and not-stupid things.  Example of a stupid thing?  I cried at the end of the pilot episode of Hart of Dixie last night.  Guys, that is not a good show.  It’s not terrible, but it’s not good.  I cried anyway.  AND THEN I WATCHED THE SECOND EPISODE.  My judgment cannot be trusted.

What’s with today, today?

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Today was a sucky day.  The plans I had for my workday went out the window right from the beginning, which means I’m way behind, and I just put in an extra hour that sucked and I’m still behind but I’m 100% done for today.  I’m cranky and it’s going to rain tomorrow and if I’m supposed to be some glowing pregnant goddess right now, well…I’m very definitely NOT.

Add being in a book funk to my list of woes.  My book is odd.  I like it, but the technology in this universe is, I think, deliberately inscrutable.  It could be really interesting – it relies on calendars, dates, and the population’s belief in those calendars – but the way it’s described is not clear at all.  The characters are interesting, and the plot is interesting, but there’s a space battle and how it’s being waged might as well be in Greek.

I was really looking forward to this one, too.

I’m still here

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Hi.  I’m back (as you may have noticed after the last few days of semi-consistent posting).  I’m sorry I went mostly dark, but I was trying really really hard not to talk about something, and when I’m bursting to talk about something, I can’t think of anything else to say.  I’m fine in person (although I went almost full hermit, so I didn’t have to test that very often), but for blogging purposes, it basically elbowed everything else out of my head.

But hey, the secret is out (THANK GOODNESS), and my head feels clearer.

I’m not being deliberately enigmatic.  I mean, I am, but not with the intention of leaving anyone in the dark.  It’s just that I don’t tend to get too personal here, so it feels kind of weird.  On the other hand, I plan to talk about it (or at least not NOT talk about it), so for the maybe ONE person who reads me who isn’t an immediate family member or high school/college friend: I’m pregnant.  Yay, happy dance, and all that stuff.

You know what?  I am going to talk about it.  Because it STILL doesn’t feel quite real, and it’s kinda freaking me out.  That it doesn’t feel real, I mean.  Despite the fact that less than a week ago I was at the doctor’s office and I heard the baby’s heartbeat, it appears that I need further proof.  (I mean, maybe that tiny fast heartbeat was just a clever ruse because the doctor is in on this charade or maybe it’s a tiny mechanical device, like a pacemaker, that somehow got implanted or hey, maybe it’s a tiny ticking bomb (and you know what?  it kind of is).  I’m not showing yet, and my first trimester symptoms have been pretty mild, with the exception of OH MY GOD THE WORST TASTE IN MY MOUTH ALL THE TIME except when I’m eating which means I want to eat ALL THE TIME but eating for two isn’t really a thing and gaining too much weight too fast is a BAD thing and also I’m supposed to drink a TON of water and water TASTES BAD because of this awful taste and please please please make it go away as this trimester ends….

It is getting slightly less unbearable, so I have hope.  Also, I have noticed actual feelings of lightheadedness and weakness when I need to eat something, which is new and unusual and super not fun.

So I’m looking forward to LOOKING pregnant.  I think.

Oh, also, we’re calling unborn child Hugo (Hugo Nebula when we’re being formal) until he or she is born because due to the timing, we will not be able to go to WorldCon for the Hugo Awards.  Turns out they don’t let women on planes when they’re THAT pregnant.  Color me disappointed, but there will be other years.  Our little baby nerd will go to LOTS of conventions with us.

All the books I want to read should be 99 cents all the time

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Today is our anniversary, but what I want to talk about is e-book prices on Amazon and what I deserve just for being me.  I mean, obviously, I deserve all good things, right?  That should go without saying, but my sense of entitlement extends to sales on Amazon.  I’m inordinately annoyed when I sort my book list by price and find that none of the books on it have gone on sale in the last 12 hours.  It’s like Amazon doesn’t WANT me to buy books.  Jeez!  This is the same sense of entitlement that led to me bitching when Amazon took away my ability to sort my list by price, except worse because how ridiculous is it for me to expect MY books to be on sale?  Plenty of other books go on sale every day – it’s not Amazon’s fault I don’t want to read those.

So yeah.  That’s today.

Low energy

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This past weekend was nice and relaxing (we went to visit my friend Chastity), but we came back to real fall weather, and apparently, I’m allergic to fall in Providence.  Yesterday was Sore Throat Day, and today is Congestion Day with a special appearance by Do I Have a Fever? I Might Have A Mild Fever (I Probably Don’t Have A Mild Fever).

My point is that I’m tired and being a whiny baby about it.  I’m not very much fun right now.

Made it!

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We’re here, in our new home, and the massive drive is over. That is a relief (even though it was fun and I didn’t have to work much and we had no responsibilities and we were seeing things we’ve never seen before and where was I going with this?), but the celebration will have to wait until the cleaning is done.  The big rooms are all okay (bedrooms, living room, dining room), but the other rooms are gross. Both bathrooms are grimy and the kitchen is grimy and greasy. Every surface in the kitchen, including drawers and cabinets, is greasy and vaguely yellow. The crew that was in here painting when we saw the place a month ago cleaned up after themselves, but no one cleaned up after the previous tenant.

Wednesday night, we got in after dark, did a quick tour and unloaded the car, walked to dinner, and dropped by CVS for some cleaning stuff. Then we spent the next two hours on the bathrooms so we could shower before sleeping.  Today (Thursday), I worked most of the day, and John spent the afternoon de-griming the kitchen. New appliances, but it looks like the previous tenant spent his three years deep-frying everything he ate.  When I finished working, we headed to the nearest Target (in Seekonk, which in my head sounds an awful lot like a donkey’s heeHAW) to buy the stuff CVS doesn’t carry, like a mop, a bucket, a broom, and some heavier duty cleaning stuff.

At least the house is empty. This would be a whole lot harder with our stuff in it.  And the weather is lovely!  It’s not all bad.

Hotel oddities

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We had two hotels in a row with soft water, which I HATE.  For two days, I felt like I was covered in soap that would never rinse off.  John’s parents’ house has soft water, but it’s never this bad.  Makes my skin crawl.

Oddly, both of those hotels had weird gym situations, too.  The one in Montana advertised a gym, but when we asked at the front desk, the guy said they have an agreement with a gym downtown.  When we’re ready to go, he can give us a key and direct us there.  It’s like 5 miles away.  We didn’t go.  The next night, in Minnesota, there was a gym in the building, but our room keys wouldn’t give us access.  We had to go get special keys made for access to the gym.  Why would you set up a gym for your guests and then not give them automatic access to it?  At least they had one, and once we could get in, it was nicer than the one in Bend – this one had a window.  And water.  And an A/C unit and a fan.  The one in Bend was like a cave.  A hot, sweaty cave with no windows, no water, and no fan.  Turns out I have expectations for a hotel gym.

Burning

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It’s forest fire season here (still, because you know, hot + dry = fire), and the air quality SUCKS.  Today’s high is 99, we don’t have A/C so our windows are open, and it smells like smoke outside and in.  John is feeling it more than I am, and he’s pretty miserable.  I’m considering buying disposable face masks, like the ones people wear in China, to see if we can stop breathing in all the stuff that’s causing raspy voices and crap in our throats.  The sky is so hazy it’s whitish-gray, and I’m not running in that.  John tried to fly again Sunday morning and had to come down again pretty quickly because the visibility was so bad.

If this had happened last year, I’m not sure we would have spent another summer here.  So…thank you, Eugene?  Trying to push us out the door is SUPER helpful.  I know we’re just trading these inconveniences for others, but we’re all about instant gratification at the moment.  Being three days from moving day will do that to you.

I’d rather melt than freeze, just not while I’m sleeping

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Hi.  It’s hot.  Okay, it’s not THAT hot (the high today was 87), but it’s the hottest it’s been so far this year.  It felt great during the day.  This afternoon I sat in the backyard reading in the sun…and then I could feel the beginnings of a sunburn so I moved to the shade and it felt like HEAVEN.  It was great.  I’m complaining NOW because it’s 8 o’clock at night, and it’s 80 degrees downstairs and 83 degrees upstairs.  This house does not have air conditioning.  (Because, you know, like, Oregon?  Doesn’t get hot in the summer?  Like, except for that one time last year.  And, like, that one time the year before, and like, that month it was over 90 every day for 30 days, but like, naw, man.  It doesn’t get hot here.)  John carried the portable A/C we bought last May, and we just set it up in our bedroom.  Hopefully it’ll be cool enough in there by the time we go to bed.

It’s still hot downstairs, and I am downstairs.

Also, I’m full.  You know how you want to be good so you order a salad but it’s one of those big entree salads and it’s really good so you eat the whole thing and then you feel terrible because it wasn’t the healthy thing to do?

Also, I’m staring out the window instead of reading my book.

Also, it’s Monday.

Off course

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My plans for the evening have been derailed.  I rode (great lesson – more tomorrow, or at least pictures tomorrow), I came home, I started cooking dinner.  The plan was to eat early and then head out to book club.  The eating part happened.  The book club did not because, well, it depends on how you look at it.

From one angle, I’m a big baby.  My throat hurts, and it hurts to swallow, and I don’t want to be sick, and I’m cold, and I want to take a hot shower and crawl into bed and NOT GET SICK.  (And whine.  Let’s not forget the whining.)

From another angle, I’m being solicitous of my fellow book club members by staying away when I might have something they could catch.  I’m being careful of my health by resting now, early, in the hopes that it won’t get worse, and I won’t get John sick.  I’m a good person, damn it.

What I’m annoyed about, aside from the discomfort, is how fast it came on.  I guess my throat was tickling a little earlier in the day, but I felt great while I was riding, and I babbled for half an hour or more with Mom and Dad on the phone and didn’t notice any problems.  After that, WHAM.

So.  Tea for dessert, hot shower, then bed with all the blankets.  I can beat this thing.

Mostly not-good smells

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My nose was more in tune with my surroundings today, probably as a precursor to the allergies I can see waiting in the wings.

In my kitchen, there are banana peels in the trash can.  I love bananas, but only while I’m eating them.  I don’t want to smell them before or after and heaven help the person who brings a banana into my car.  I’ve got two days’ worth of coffee grounds in the trash, too, but they seem to be losing the odor battle.

Also in the kitchen, in the early afternoon, there’s occasionally the smell of tuna.  It’s awful.  John has been making tuna salad for lunch nearly every day, and I know he rinses out the can even before he eats, but I think some days the tuna water doesn’t make it all the way down the drain right away.  Ugh.

In yoga today, the woman next to me was wearing a light perfume.  It was vaguely flowery, but still very much a perfume, and it was too much for an hour supposed to be spent in deep breathing.

The great outdoors tried to make it all up to me.  It’s spring, trees are blossoming, and people are doing yardwork.  The combination of some fragrant flower, newly cut grass, and the gas mower doing the cutting smelled fantastic.  I’d buy a candle that smelled like that.

Winter is SO long (whine whine whine)

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I’ve forgotten what jacket weather feels like.  Yeah, yeah, I know that sounds like a melodramatic plea from midwinter, especially since it hasn’t been that cold out here.  But I was walking home from yoga tonight wearing my winter coat, and I realized I couldn’t actually remember that in-between weather feeling.  I can imagine feeling cold (I don’t have to imagine it, but I can), and I can remember feeling hot, but that temperature where adding a jacket is enough to feel comfortable?  No, I can’t remember it and I can’t even really imagine it.  Failure on my part, I’m sure.

Where is spring?  When will it get here?  And stay?  When will I want to wear a jacket instead of a coat?  That’s all I really want.

Now please go away

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I am out of sorts.  There’s no good reason for it – I just can’t decide what I want.  No, it’s more like I have reasons not to do what I want, and I’m going to stick to them, and because sticking to them is annoying me (because I’m not doing what I want), I want to stick to them MORE because I shouldn’t be swayed just because the things I decided are annoying to me right this second.  I am not at the mercy of my whims!  Or my mood.

I’m going to scramble some eggs and read my book until the band starts rehearsing and then I’ll put on headphones and switch to a movie and it will be nice and relaxing.  BECAUSE I SAID SO.

And I am in charge.

(I think I should hurry the eggs up.  I might be hangry.)

I have to say this out loud

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I need to get this out of my system. Ahem.

I DON’T WANT TO GO BACK TO WORK TOMORROW.

Yes, I know.  No one does.   But I don’t want to get up at an ungodly early hour and have to catch up on emails and find out that I have to be a bit more sales-y in this new job that I’m comfortable with.  I don’t want to hear about which customer had a problem with the new thing they asked for and is spitting mad and won’t pay for the next thing they want.  I’m okay with the part of my job that deals with software development.  I’m not okay with the part of my job that deals with clients.  I think that’s going to be a problem, and I should do something about it.  But.

I DON’T WANT TO DO IT TOMORROW.

Okay, then.  At least it’s a short week.

Still hoping for a miraculous recovery

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Apparently I don’t get to feel better this trip.  My stomach has begun to make known its unhappiness with a steady diet of sinus meds and ibuprofen, but I can’t stop taking the meds or my head will explode.

I had coffee with Jess this morning (she drove up from Annapolis to say hi).  I was okay for most of that, but then I alarmed everyone at Panera when I caught my breath weirdly and raced for the bathroom so I could cough up my lung, which seemed to have put down roots in my right foot.  (There was some deep, loud, awful-sounding coughing is what I’m saying.  The walls in the bathroom shook.)  So then I came back out, all red-faced and puffy-eyed, and she took me back to the house.  Everyone was getting ready to go walk around downtown Frederick (which I’m sure looks lovely all decorated for the holidays), but I bowed out.  I’m inside, hanging out with the snoring dog, about to start snoring myself.  A nap may do me good.  (It did yesterday.  I don’t take enough naps.)

I suppose it was inevitable

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John has been sick for several days now (a week?), and I have felt fine. I should have known my days were numbered.  Tonight I could feel a sinus headache starting and my throat feels a little scratchy and please PLEASE I don’t want to be sick.

So I took a steamy shower and I’m in bed before 8, hoping to get real sleep. Maybe I can head it off. I’m writing this on my phone because no way am I going back downstairs to get my laptop.

The rest of the horseback riding story will have to wait.

 

Next time won’t you sing with me

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In the airport again (LaGuardia this time), same deal with only 30 minutes of free WiFi.  Whatever, airports.

In the same vein, we got here, following the signs to Terminal C to check in for American Airlines.  Got our boarding passes for gate D-something.  The guy who took our bags said we had to go to Terminal B for the D-gates.  Don’t terminals usually have the same letter as the gates?  So we checked in at C and got a shuttle to go to B to get on a plane at D.  I am now reciting my ABCs.

It’s not THAT confusing (we made it to the gate, after all), but I’m cruising on very little sleep over the last few days.  Saturday started early, with a long day of travel and a late night when we arrived.  We didn’t have to get up especially early Sunday, Monday, or today, but I slept pretty badly.  The hotel walls were thin, there was constant activity in the hallways, and the pillows SUCKED.  They looked all fluffy and nice, but they flattened into nothing as soon as you put your head down and the air squeezed out.  My neck hurts.  Plus all the emotions and the public face on the whole time and I’m. So. Tired.

We land in Portland at 7:30pm local, but then we have to get our car and drive home, so it’ll be 10pm at the earliest before we get home.  Probably closer to 11.  And tomorrow morning has to start on time, so there will be no sleeping in until Saturday.  On the plus side, there’s no one to tell me I can’t go to bed at 6pm tomorrow night or every night the rest of this week, and Saturday isn’t that far away.

Entitled

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Is free WiFi an unreasonable expectation in public places?  I mean, sure, someone is paying for it, so I can see how it’s not reasonable to expect it in a park or pretty much anywhere you can hang out for free.  But most places we spend any period of time are places we go to buy things (food, drinks, coffee) or see things (theaters – why not free WiFi in the lobby?), or wait to go somewhere else (airports, train stations).  Lots of those places DO offer free WiFi, and for the most part, people are buying things so the cost can be covered, and that makes sense.  Even in places where an individual might not buy anything, like, say, an airport, the vast majority of the people around that individual are nearly guaranteed to buy something, so again – cost covered.  So why would O’Hare only offer 30 minutes of free WiFi?  The airport is enormous, they probably make a ton from parking alone, and everyone who walks through here buys snacks, water, magazines, whole meals – the money goes to the stores, sure, but O’Hare didn’t give those stores space for free.

I suppose I should be glad they’re offering any WiFi for free (I wouldn’t be typing this right now if they didn’t), and I know it’s not the airport’s responsibility to make our layovers fun (FOUR HOURS this time) or to make up for the airlines who make us pay for every little thing, but they could help.  If I know I can’t get online at a particular airport, I might choose to fly through a different one next time.  Maybe they should consider THAT.

Aaaaaannnnnddddd #firstworldproblems.