I found a little pocket of time, so I thought I would catch up on my mini book reviews. Then I looked to see how far back I have to go, and oh my god I just can’t right now. But I will (soon!) because the longer I wait, the worse it gets. Same for my monthly round of pictures of Jack. The last one of those was February 2021. Whoops.
I have spent the last half hour doing nothing. Not a relaxing nothing. More like a deer-in-headlights nothing. A stuck-between-too-many-things-to-do nothing. Procrastination of the if-I-wait-long-enough-to-decide-what-to-do-with-myself-I-won’t-have-time-to-do-anything kind.
At the very least I could have been reading. I gave up on one of the Hugo books (nominated for the YA award) yesterday. It wasn’t bad, but it didn’t grab me, so last night I started one of the remaining Best Novel nominees, one I’ve been looking forward to because it’s by Seanan McGuire and I have yet to read anything by her that I didn’t thoroughly enjoy. So why wasn’t I reading that?
I can go do that now, but sleep is looming, and even though it’s the weekend, I’m planning on getting up stupid early to run (before it’s hot), and I don’t want to skip tomorrow because I skipped today because I was up for two hours last night with Jack and when I’m up that long with him in the middle of the night, my 5am run is the first thing to go in favor of just a little extra sleep before I have to get up anyway because 6am is work time for me.
[Pausing for breath]
Well, that was helpful.
Jack had a very exciting morning yesterday. He got to see a tow truck in action, up close and personal. I suppose it was exciting for us, too, but tinged with a wide streak of Really? This is happening now?!?
John loaded the car up with some yard waste to take to the transfer station, but he didn’t get far. The car sputtered to a stop right outside our front-yard neighbor’s house, and he pushed it into the parking area for the apartments right there on the corner. It had been running rough for the last few days (or the last couple of times I drove it, anyway), but we figured that was a spark plug issue and we were planning that kind of maintenance.
We called our local repair place, got a tow truck dispatched from USAA (using the repair place’s towing service, turns out), and found out this morning that the engine seized up.
I am SO not in the mood for this. Major engine repair, engine replacement, or new (used) car. No, thanks! Not now! But this is what we will figure out over the next few days.
The tow truck part was pretty cool, though. It was a flat-bed truck, and we (with Jack) watched the guy winch the car up onto the flat-bed and drive away. I got it on video for Jack’s endless perusal.
‘Twas the night before I have to start working again
And all through the house
I am pacing the floors
and if I find a mouse, so help me, I will squish it flat to help relieve the anxiety
Okay, I’m not THAT anxious, and if I see a mouse, I will jump on the couch and scream. I’m a little bit anxious about being able to find the time, and I’m pretty sure that at least some of the work time every day is going to be when I would usually be sleeping. But also, I don’t WANT to find the time. I’ve been perfectly happy spending nearly every waking (and sleeping) moment with Jack. But NO. I just HAD to buy THIS house. (Never mind that I love this house and I don’t actually regret the purchase.)
I want it the way I want it, and the way I want it is to not have to work. Any idea what the Powerball is up to these days?
Where did the weekend go? We ran errands on Saturday and went to the last Waterfire of the season (pictures to come). Today, we went out to breakfast and then got groceries and cleaned. I need another weekend. I need more time for reading and exploring and watching more Stranger Things (we started season 2).
Ugh, and I have to work again tomorrow. That keeps happening! Who needs work anyway? All work does is clutter up my life with things that aren’t reading. Buying stuff and doing fun things that cost money and, like, eating and wearing clothes are over-rated.
This has been this week’s edition of the Sunday Night Blues. Thank you for reading.
Neither of us felt great this weekend, but we picked a good weekend for it since it was mostly overcast and rainy. We’re better today, kind of. It probably didn’t help that we got caught out in it yesterday. We walked to the nearest grocery store to pick up a few essentials (and breakfast), thinking we’d detour a little to Starbucks on the way home. The rain wasn’t supposed to start until closer to noon, so naturally, since we were walking, it started early. It was just sprinkling when we left the grocery store, but it was raining outright two blocks later. It wasn’t all that unpleasant. It was a nice change to be out in warm rain. In Oregon, it only rains when it’s cold out. And luckily for us, the downpour didn’t start until we got home (barely). We had to dry all the groceries as we put them away, which was weird, but then we decided we weren’t going to do anything else. We watched all six episodes of the second season of Happy Valley (NOT a happy show), and I finished my book, and that was it. Weekend over. I sat in one chair for about eight hours.
I no longer get Columbus Day off, so today is a workday. Kind of a weird one, since plenty of people took the day off anyway. Hard to focus.
John isn’t feeling well, and we had a really late night last night, so we declared today a lazy day. We slept until 10, I went out to get breakfast, and then we watched The Crown for the entire rest of the day, curtains closed, world shut out. We quit at 8pm, seven episodes in, because we have to get up early tomorrow. All we want is to spend tomorrow repeating today, but that’s not the responsible thing to do.
Adulting sucks, but today was pretty good.
Despite going through a phase these last two weeks of skipping meetings and avoiding people (not avoiding individuals – more like avoiding group interactions and expectations), I went to the monthly NOW meeting. It was a helpful reminder that, oh yeah, I like these people. They’re fun and interesting and understanding about feeling overwhelmed by obligations. They didn’t need anything from me and I could just go and be and be helpful and useful, even if it’s just helping someone load her car with donations.
So that was good, and maybe it’ll make me more likely to go to the next thing. Which is Sunday afternoon. And I need all the help I can get when it comes to doing ANYthing on a Sunday afternoon. Being sick takes everything out of me. Even now, when I’m starting to feel better, I still want to be lazy. And then I feel bad about being lazy. And then I get annoyed because, damn it, I’m allowed to be lazy for a week. And then I’m grumpy. I might be a toddler masquerading as an adult. Don’t tell work.
I cannot be trusted. I didn’t keep any of my promises about horse pictures. Turns out I have demanding readers. However, I DID go back out there yesterday (a sunny day!) where I took a few more pictures. Having the pictures is a big step towards posting the pictures. Really. Although there still aren’t any of me riding or jumping. That requires bringing a photographer along with me, and that hasn’t happened yet.
Everyone (Dad), take a deep breath. The pictures will be uploaded. Put some positive vibes out in the universe today! The sun was up when my alarm went off and the sky is blue and I feel better. Now I have to work.
I am out of sorts. There’s no good reason for it – I just can’t decide what I want. No, it’s more like I have reasons not to do what I want, and I’m going to stick to them, and because sticking to them is annoying me (because I’m not doing what I want), I want to stick to them MORE because I shouldn’t be swayed just because the things I decided are annoying to me right this second. I am not at the mercy of my whims! Or my mood.
I’m going to scramble some eggs and read my book until the band starts rehearsing and then I’ll put on headphones and switch to a movie and it will be nice and relaxing. BECAUSE I SAID SO.
And I am in charge.
(I think I should hurry the eggs up. I might be hangry.)
John has been sick for several days now (a week?), and I have felt fine. I should have known my days were numbered. Tonight I could feel a sinus headache starting and my throat feels a little scratchy and please PLEASE I don’t want to be sick.
So I took a steamy shower and I’m in bed before 8, hoping to get real sleep. Maybe I can head it off. I’m writing this on my phone because no way am I going back downstairs to get my laptop.
The rest of the horseback riding story will have to wait.
Some days, the whole getting up really early and immediately working thing is hard. It’s dark, it’s chilly, and I want to go back to bed. It’s going to get darker and chillier (not today – that would be apocalyptic). I need to start searching for a really good incentive. Right now, I’ve been awake for 40 minutes, contacts in for 20 of those minutes, and I’m about to start a 90-minute conference call. Maybe they won’t notice that I’m barely following along.
I should work out, but I’m not going to.
I should do some laundry, but I’m not going to.
I should write about seeing Weird Al two Fridays ago, but I’m not going to.
I should write about meeting new people in Portland two Sundays ago, but I’m not going to.
I should plan something healthy for dinner tonight, but I’m not going to.
I’ll do all those things soon.
Instead, I’m going to read my book.
I’m going to fold the clothes I’ve already washed and do the rest tomorrow.
I’m going to think about what I’ll write about Weird Al and Portland peeps and be better prepared for it when I get there.
I’m going eat pasta and garlic bread and not feel guilty about it, even though I had Indian food last night and should never eat again.
I’m going to be still and quiet and go to bed early and get a normal night’s sleep that will end with my alarm at 5am tomorrow.
If I do it right, 5am won’t hurt that much, and when I get to the end of the workday, I’ll have the energy to work out and do laundry and make dinner and write bloggy things with pictures.
There is a place nearby that will deliver salads to our door. They’ll deliver other food, too, but they have these really good entree salads, and we can order them and eat them and feel virtuous and lazy at the same time. Best of both worlds.
Delivery is a dangerous thing. I could easily become a hermit. Let my hair grow long again, stop talking to people, have all our food delivered, stay inside and read all the time…it wouldn’t take more than a gentle nudge.
Of course, I say this after having spent the better part of the last two days outside around people, with plans to do the same tomorrow. I don’t mean it, and yet…I may be reacting to too much socializing.
Well, that didn’t last long. I have deactivated my Facebook account. Oh, you didn’t know I had one? That’s because, once again, I didn’t use it. I signed up to get the Messenger app so I could keep up with band chatter. That is no longer a thing I do, so I scrapped the account. I responded to one or two comments (seriously, no more than three, I think), liked two things, maybe? and used the Messenger app. A family friend of John’s had to comment on my profile picture because it was the only thing I posted.
So yeah, that’s over. I’m okay with it.
It’s Tuesday. We’ve been done with work for an hour or so. Neither of us has moved from our desks, but at least we’re not working. We should go for a bike ride, but the weather has been unreliable today. It has rained for a bit at least once an hour all day long. And it’s chilly. Chilly rain – no, thank you. We could go for a walk, but we have the same weather problem. We should go to the grocery store, but we’ve managed to convince ourselves it can wait. We have a frozen pizza in the fridge – dinner. I’m meeting Christina for lunch tomorrow – I can bring something home for John. Tomorrow night, we have plans and we can get dinner while we’re out. Thursday night, we have better plans, and we’re actually planning a nice dinner out. Friday – well, hopefully we’ll be on the coast somewhere for the weekend, and that means we don’t have to worry about groceries until next week.
Surely we can muddle through breakfast and lunch the rest of the week on the granola bars, oatmeal, bread, and eggs we’ve got in the house. Laziness is motivating, even if it sounds like an oxymoron.
Now, I have a headache, so I’m going to read. Stop making so much noise, please.
Right now, while I’m thinking about it, I’m writing our rent check. Hang on.
Okay, that’s done. ALL of our bills are due on the first of the month or just after EXCEPT the rent, which is due on the 15th, and it’s SO hard for me to remember that month after month. Drives me crazy. Also, I have to write a physical check and actually mail it, requiring envelopes and stamps – I had to order checks just to pay rent on this apartment because we didn’t have ANY. And I had a bunch of Forever stamps, but I’m running low, thanks to this particularly backward landlord. What else do we write checks for? Nothing. We can pay all bills online, over the phone via credit card or checking account. At the last apartment, we paid our rent online. Everywhere we go takes credit cards, or if they’re cash only, well, they’re cash only, not cash or check. If they’re cash or check, we make sure we have cash. If we want to give money to someone, we can transfer it electronically or give them a gift card that is a credit card or give them cash. CHECKS ARE BASICALLY OBSOLETE and I don’t like them.
Boo checks. And bills that are due in the middle of the month.
That is all.
Another shooting. Have a picture of kittens instead.
Also, apparently I have titled posts “Ugh” two other times. I am repetitive. Sorry! Also also, I upgraded WordPress today and finally installed JetPack, so now I have more stuff to play with. I got a LOT of spam comments on old posts (a group from 2011 and a group from 2014) all day long, so I added a CAPTCHA that makes you do math. You’ll have to let me know if it’s too hard for you. :/ AND I added a Share button. If it’s annoying, let me know that, too.
Have a puppy, too.
I gave up on another book today. Turns out I am not in the mood to read about Elric, Stealer of Souls. I may never be in that mood. But now I’m angry with my bookshelf, and I’m afraid to pick another book. What if I pick up a perfectly good book, one that I would enjoy if I were in another mood, but that might be forever colored by my current mood if I try it and reject it now? Because, oh yes, I’m in a mood. I have no reason for it (I could blame it on today being the anniversary of Riley’s death, but that would just be a handy excuse, I think, and not the real reason), but it’s true anyway.
I didn’t start the day this way. When I woke up, it was a nice morning. A bit cold, but I wasn’t planning on running. John and I decided that our Sunday brunch tour of Annapolis would begin today, so we headed out West St figuring we’d find something. The wait at Miss Shirley’s Cafe was too long (40 minutes), so we’ll try that some other week (earlier), but it was 10am when we came back by Rams Head, and they had just opened for brunch – no wait. The place was basically empty, so we picked a table all the way in the back. Shortly after sitting down, we found out that the jazz trio was going to set up right there. We couldn’t have picked a better spot. The trio was really good (they did a funky version of “Summertime” (from Porgy and Bess) that I liked a lot), and we were close enough that we could chat with them between songs. We ended up staying a lot longer than we planned (John has a lot of practicing to do – more on that soon), but we were having a really good time. When we finally left, I felt like doing some practicing of my own. We kept our bass guitar because I’ve been thinking about actually learning to play it (as opposed to the barely-getting-by fakery I had down for a few months my senior year in college), and after watching the trio, I felt inspired to start today.
For a while, that went well. I can get through scales (not prettily, but that’ll come with time – my hands aren’t tiny, but they’re not used to stretching for frets and strings), and before I stopped, I was able to play “Eight Days A Week” along with YouTube (thumping along on the roots only, but it was recognizable).
Then the phone rang (it was Ed, checking in with us since we checked out (and test drove) a Jaguar for him yesterday), and something about that soured my mood. That’s a little dramatic (and simplified) – I don’t blame the phone call or Ed – but it was around then that I lost any drive to do anything. I tried to read the Elric book, finishing the first story and starting the second, hoping I’d be more invested, and I just wasn’t. Skimming pages to get to the end of a chapter is a sign I’m not interested. BIG sign. So I gave up on that one and then got mad at books in general (when I scanned the shelf looking for the next one). I might be feeling the limits I set on myself. I have maybe 15 physical books left on the shelf, and I told myself that I was going to read them all (and get rid of them) before I went back to e-books. They’re only on the shelf because they’re books I want to read, so it shouldn’t be a chore. I could let myself off the hook for one book and read something on my tablet, but in my current mood, that might not work for me either.
John thinks we haven’t had enough down time (people coming to visit, I’m working all the time, we spent all day yesterday driving from here to VA to DC to Alexandria and back home, etc.), so it’s perfectly acceptable for me to melt my brain a little by watching Scandal. Rationalization is fine with me, so TV it is. May the magic of TV fix my mood!