I don’t have a fear of crowds. I don’t have a fear of speaking or performing in front of people. Right now, though, I can’t seem to make myself go back to my gym classes. I haven’t been in about four weeks (I’ve been to the gym plenty, thank you very much, but only to work out on my own), and even though I really like those classes and I really like the people who take them and teach them, I don’t want to see them. I’m hiding. My plan for this afternoon was to stop working around four, go get my nails done, and get back to the gym in time for Muscle Blast and then yoga. Four came along, and I found myself procrastinating. Why would I do that? Why would I waste time when I could be at the nail salon? The later it got, the less likely it became that I’d have time to get my nails done in time to make it to class. And then I started trying to decide which I would rather do if I only have time for one. And then I realized that it’s the Wednesday before Christmas and I haven’t wrapped any presents yet. If I don’t do some (or all) of it tonight, I’ll only have tomorrow evening to get it done, and really, where are my priorities? The gym will still be there tomorrow morning (for weights) and tomorrow lunchtime (for cardio) (same for Friday), and if I have time, I can still get my nails done. And if I don’t have time, who cares? They can wait. Or I can – brace yourselves – do them myself.
So the anxiety I was feeling about going to the gym morphed into anxiety about my to do list, and I’ve sent it all away by deciding to wrap presents and watch TV and drink wine until John gets home (from another office Christmas party). I win!