Dove Promises: cute little bites of chocolate with messages hidden for you inside the wrappers. Usually, I like the messages. “Why not?” “Build a bridge…with chocolate.” “Ignore the clock.” At worst, they’re dumb. (At best, they’re dumb, but I take amusement where I can get it.)
Today, though, I read one that went too far.
“Read the last page first.”
What? Why? What kind of monster would do that? Do you watch the end of movies first? Watch the series finale of a show with no context? Listen to the last 10 seconds of a song and then go back to the beginning? You’re probably the type of person who finds all of your hidden birthday presents before they’re wrapped, steals candy from babies, and reads spoilers for movies and shows and SHARES THEM WITH OTHERS.
Not cool, bro.
Michelle
Dude, I shit you not, there’s a whole community of people on Goodreads who do just that. I don’t even understand them.
Zannah
WHY? Do they also kick puppies?
Rhubarb
I vote we get a custom-printed foil wrapper that says “UR DOIN IT WRONG”, wrap it around a dog turd, and send it to Dove.
Those monsters.
Zannah
Okay, but you have to pick up the dog shit.
Rhubarb
No problem. I just visualize it as a Tootsie Roll. I have a Maltese, though. Might not work so well with a German Shepherd.
Zannah
Tootsie rolls are about as disgusting, so that’s pretty accurate. 🙂