Riley loves me, this I know

Who can resist those beautiful brown eyes?

He’s reminding me that I should be paying attention to him who adores me and not so much to the computer.  I’ll be right there, Doggy-dog.

I love Tom and Lorenzo.  They make fun of people in the most delightful way.

That appears to be all I have to say today.  Oh, wait.

This week, from an I-was-better-about-doing-the-things-I-need-to-be-doing perspective, has been much better than last week.  Last week was all about keeping weird and stupid hours, not getting enough sleep, eating like a piggy little pig, and NOT EXERCISING AT ALL.  All week.  I didn’t feel so hot when I got to last weekend.  I felt downright disgusting.  And very very tired.  So I’ve been better this week.  Not perfect, no, but better.  About that stuff.  I haven’t pigged out (as much), I’ve done some sort of exercise every day since Sunday, and I’ve been getting closer to eight hours of sleep every night.  This week was MUCH worse for work, though.  But I’m not going to talk about that.  (I vented to Jess on my way home today, so I feel a little better.  Thanks, Jess!)

The other thing I feel better about?  Calculus.  I got my midterm grade back over the weekend.  I got a B.  That’ll do.  I thought I did better than that, but considering…everything, I can be happy with it.  I take my final next week.  I turned in my last quiz twenty minutes ago, so the final is all that’s left.  That feels good, but so does knowing I can still handle calculus.  After all this time.

Now what do I get to do?  Clean.  Clean like crazy, like the wind, like I’ve never cleaned before.  Because the house is a WRECK.  It looks like a tornado came through.  See for yourself:

This is what happens when we don't pick up the clutter for a couple of weeks. We just keep shoving it to the side.

Note the calculus paraphernalia and the books stacked all over the dining room table (because the giant annual used book sale I LOVE was last weekend and we just HAD to leave work early on Friday to go before they closed at 7pm that night because we were out of town the rest of the weekend) and the toilet paper, giant bottle of ibuprofen, and tons of mail scattered on the island.  And that’s just this room.

I know where I’m starting, though.  All those new books need to be shelved, and before they can be shelved, they have to be catalogued.  Hey, it’s gotta be done.  I might as well be the one to do it.

Way behind

I’m behind on posting, behind on reading, behind on news…behind on the internet in general.  I have a draft I started during the day on Friday, but I got sidetracked that evening (big book sale – woo!) and didn’t post, and then Saturday we left early (after dropping our dead microwave off at a local high school for recycling) for PA so we could be there for John’s grandfather’s birthday party.  I didn’t bring my computer, so I was actually without internet (I’m not counting my phone ’cause I didn’t use it) from Saturday morning until now (we just got home).  Crazy, I know.  And it seems like a ton happened.  That may not be true, but it feels like it is.

My plan for this week is to get back on track.  I felt awful all last week (too much (and too rich) food, NO exercise, not enough sleep).  I slept pretty well, and long enough, last night, ran a couple of miles this morning, and managed to eat normal amounts of food today (okay, maybe six blueberry pancakes isn’t really normal, but I hardly had anything after that), so I feel like I’ve made a good start.  Short term goal (really short term): get a normal night’s sleep tonight and run tomorrow morning.

The clock is ticking

Work is getting in the way of studying.  And time is flying when I do study, so I’m not getting as far in the material as I plan to each time I sit down.  Stress-stress-stress, panic-panic-panic.  I need a few more hours.  Which probably means I’m not going to the gym tonight.  🙁  On the one hand, I’m not thinking about anything else when I’m working out, so I could use it to clear my head, as a break from studying.  But a) I don’t think I’ll really need a break (math is fun! and also, the midterm is tomorrow – who has time for a break?), and 2) I don’t think I’ll be able to stop thinking about it.  I mean, I figured out where I went wrong on the last problem in my latest quiz while I was in the shower this morning.  Not exactly the place for studying.  Why would I think I could escape it (or really want to, with the midterm looming so close) at the gym?

I’ll make myself a deal (’cause I really would like to exercise today): if I do nothing but study from the minute I get home and I make it through section 12.4 by 6, I can go.  If I don’t make it that far, I can’t.  I’ll run before work tomorrow morning either way.

Things I’m anxious about today

I woke up this morning a little crazy with anxiety.  The worst thing about it is that I woke up with a list of all the things I should be doing on a loop in my head, and then I froze.  I could have gotten up right then to get started on the list, but did I?  No, I stayed in bed.  Because I could put off all the hard things.  I do that all the time (procrastinate).   Of course, that gives me less time overall to get everything done, so all it really does is ratchet up the anxiety a little more.  Not exactly helpful behavior.

Instead, let’s a play a game (courtesy of Mom) called “What’s the worst that could happen?”

Anxiety Causing Thing #1: Quiz #4 for vector calculus and the midterm I have to take on Thursday

What’s the worst that could happen?  Well, I could get all the answers wrong on my quiz, but that doesn’t affect my grade (just makes my professor think I’m an idiot), so there isn’t anything to worry about there.  Of course, my performance on my quizzes is an indicator of my performance on the midterm, so if I don’t do well on my quizzes, I may not do well on my midterm.  And I could fail my midterm.  So what if I do?  I won’t have a very good grade in my calculus class.  That would be a blow to my ego (something I could survive), and it may put me on the road to failing this class.  What if I fail the class?  I’m taking it online at a community college because I need the prereq for grad school.  If I fail it, I’m out approximately $350.  If I fail it, I can retake it later.  Will I fail it?  Probably not.  I may not get an A.  I may not even get a B.  But I probably won’t fail.  I submitted my quiz this morning (confident that I got three out of four right), so that’s out of my hands, and I still have today, tomorrow, Wednesday, and part of Thursday to study for the midterm.  Breathe deep.

Anxiety Causing Thing #2: Work

What’s the worst that could happen?  I could get fired.  Or laid off.  Or whatever.  That could happen, but there’s nothing I can do about it (and there’s no immediate indication that it’s coming), so that’s not what’s making me edgy.  There’s nothing specific about work that’s bothering me.  No major deadlines, no one is asking me to do anything I’m not capable of, I don’t have any issues with any coworkers.  I just don’t like it.  I don’t want to come here every day.  (I know, whine whine whine, most people don’t actually like going to work.)  I want to do something with flexible hours where I can work from home and have more time for me.  The math that’s stressing me out is the first step in that direction, so this is more of a low-level, back-burner, always-bugging-me sort of thing that every once in a while jumps up and says, “Hey!  Loser!  Worry about me!”

Anxiety Causing Thing #3: Army Ten-Miler

Did I tell you about this?  A few weeks ago, John registered to run in the Army Ten-Miler this October, and I caved to the very mild peer pressure and registered with him.  So what’s the worst that could happen?  I’ll be so slow that the bus that picks up the slowpokes who aren’t going to finish in the required time will pick me up.  Humiliating.  I have 17 weeks to train for it.  I had more, but I didn’t use them.  I can’t procrastinate on this one, so every day I don’t start this training plan gets under my skin, and I didn’t run today.  Well, I kinda did.  I sprinted around the block (up the hills) a couple of times with the dogs this morning.  My math anxiety trumped my race anxiety this morning – I spent the extra time on my quiz.  (SuzRocks sent me a link to a half-marathon training plan.  I figure if I’m capable of running a half-marathon by the time I finish training, ten miles should seem easy.  Ish.  I just need to start the &^$* training plan.)

There are other things that bug me (there are always other things), but those are the three I woke up with this morning.  Peace, serenity, lots of gym time tonight, some studying…I’ve got it under control.

Happy thoughts!

Frequently? Or a person who has lost his parents?

Corrupt orphans screwed with my computer last night.  For reals.  They were obviously upset with Michigan State Senator Bruce Caswell, who recently proposed that money set aside for clothes for Michigan’s foster children should only be spent at thrift stores like Salvation Army and Goodwill.  (Story here, courtesy of (and with commentary by) Nancy Nall.)

I’m not kidding about the corrupt orphans, though.  I tried to boot up my computer this morning, and it got stuck.  I called my handy live-in IT guy to fix it.  He helped those poor orphans out.  Very competent, that guy.  I think I’ll keep him around.

You should be so proud of me.  I just got back from a long walk with dogs and started dinner.  Dinner will only take ten minutes,  but I’m hungry NOW and I want to munch.  To graze.  To eat food high in calories and not good for me.  Like those candy-coated chocolate eggs that are my favorite Easter candy ever.  Or chips.  (Not as exciting, but STILL.  Chips.)  I resisted the urge and reached instead for – wait for it (this is where you should be proud of me) – baby carrots.

I’ll wait for the cheers and applause to die down.

Thank you.

Yes, instead of pounding down delightfully tasty treats with no nutritional value, I’m chomping on crunchy orange CUTE little carrots, chock full of vitamins and other healthy things.  They only occasionally remind me of toddler fingers.  Or my own thumbs.  Not at all disturbing.

My doctor wants me to get fat

There are days when the internet is no fun.  Sure, I can still keep myself occupied (for hours, if necessary), but sometimes I find hilarious and interesting and share-able things, and sometimes I don’t.  It’s probably me, not the internet.  Maybe I’m not in the mood.  I need new fun websites to explore.

My oral surgeon told me I had to lay off the exercise for a week to ten days after my tooth thing.  I did that.  Today is ten days later, and I went back for a follow-up.  Know what he said today when I asked if I could go back to normal exercise?  “Stay off the stairmaster for another two weeks.”  What a strange thing to say.  Was he kidding?  So I asked.  “Are you kidding?”  “No.  You bounce too much on that thing, it’s part of the motion.  The bone around your implant needs to harden, and if you bounce, it could move around.”  Well, crap.  “So no running?”  “Nope.”  “How about light jogging?”  “Wear soft shoes.”  Again, what?  So now I’m paranoid about bouncing.

If there’s nothing wrong with my ankle, why does it hurt?

The health care industry worked at super-speed for me today.  I went from work to my doctor’s office to the hospital and back to work in 90 minutes.  The visit to my doctor lasted no more than ten minutes (if you count parking the car and waiting for the elevator).  It mostly consisted of twisting my ankle around and poking and prodding.  “Does this hurt?”  “No.”  ‘Does this hurt?’  “No.”  “Does it hurt now?”  “Not really.”  “How about when I poke the bone really hard?”  “Yup.  Hurts.”  (Before you ask why I was there at all if nothing hurt when the doctor asked, it hurts when I put weight on it and lean in any direction.  I was sitting down when she twisted, poked, and prodded.  I tried to tell her it mostly hurts when I’m standing up, but she wanted to do it her way.  Silly doctors and their silly training.)  Then she bundled me off to the hospital for an x-ray.  Apparently, the radiology department does walk-ins.  Fifteen minutes after I arrived, I walked out and drove back to work.  Super-quick.  I barely had time to read my book.

Later this afternoon, the doctor’s office called with the results: my ankle is fine.  So….what do I do about the pain?  Not much, apparently.  I’m not supposed to do any exercise that puts weight on it for a week to ten days.  Which is kinda not cool.  It pretty much confines me to the exercise bike, which is not my favorite thing in the world.

Tomorrow is going to be a busy day (no work – all prep for leaving town), so I’m going to take advantage of tonight’s quiet to listen to some yoga/spa-ish music and relax.

Bathrooms and deer and celebrities, oh my!

I had some major balance problems in my strength class last night.  I kept teetering over during lunges, and when we were doing push-ups on the balance ball (you lay on your stomach on the ball, put your hands on the floor, and walk yourself forward until the ball has rolled down to your shins and ankles), I rolled off three times in a row.  I wasn’t the only having problems, though.  The guy next to me tried to take out my knee with his weights when he rolled off during chest presses.  I forgave him; he looks like Jon Hamm.

Speaking of celebrity look-alikes (who are all around – it’s getting weird), I ran into young Stockard Channing again recently at work.  An eerie resemblance, at least in part because she’s not that young.  She’s like an alternate version of Stockard Channing – another way she could have looked if she’d aged in another direction.  I know exactly what I mean by that, but when I read it over, I don’t know exactly what that means.  In the same meeting, there was a woman who looked (and sounded) like Catherine Keener.  Maybe it WAS Catherine Keener!

To add to the weirdness in that building (I was downtown when I went to the meeting with all the celebrities), they have a public bathroom that – wait for it – actually smells good.  It smells like flowers, clearly an air freshener and not actual flowers, but it’s a nice air freshener that doesn’t seem to be just covering up bad smells.  I like that bathroom.  I don’t want to hang out in it or anything, but it’s my bathroom of choice before I hit the road to come home.

Oh, oh!  Wildlife sighting!  The dogs and I were jogging on the trail this evening, and I saw NINE DEER.  At once!  Just hanging out.  They saw us, but they didn’t run (which is why both of my arms are still attached to my body – I think if the deer had taken off, the dogs would have, too); they sort of ambled off into the woods, looking back at us over their shoulders.  Nine of them!  I don’t think I’ve ever seen that many deer in one place.

When I got home, I got a little lost in TV Tropes.  If you’ve never been there, be warned!  Don’t do it at work!  It can sometimes be hours before you come up for air.

It’s been a very exciting evening.

I particularly liked the last ten minutes of the yoga class

I stayed home today, hoping for a quiet and restful day.  I mostly succeeded (am still succeeding, really).  My gym offers yoga classes at 9:30 on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so I took advantage of my day off .  I’ve never tried yoga before.  Turns out I kinda like it.  Especially the end, with the laying down (big hit with me) and the quiet music and the breathing and the focusing.  I still feel fairly calm.

I like it.

I also like these things from The Daily What:

1st – If you like Stephen Fry or Molly Lewis, you will like this video.  If you like them both, you’ll be over the moon.  Super-cute.

2nd – Speaking of super-cute, here’s a puppy going head to head with an ice cube.

Zombie workout

Tonight’s Kukuwa class only had three students (including me), and all three of us came straight from the Monday night strength and toning class.  No energy left.  The mirrors reflected a line of zombies shuffling their way across the room.  No coordination, no life – just stumbling from step to step with one eye on the clock.  Not a good workout.

An evening to myself

John is in class tonight, so I have the evening to myself.  What have I done so far?  I’ve watched TV.  TV John isn’t interested in.  Two episodes of Glee and the Valentine’s Day episode of Cougartown (which, if you can get past the stupid name, was really good last season – not quite up there this season) later, it’s 8:30, and if it weren’t for the laundry, I’d be able to say I haven’t left the couch since I got home.  Sounds lazy (I’m not a couch potato!), but that’s what I wanted.  After last night’s class and this morning’s workout, I can barely move my shoulders.  Feeding myself hurt a little.  Good hurt.  Ooh, a bath!  I’m totally taking a bubble bath.  With candles and music and my book.  If I only I could figure out how to hold my book so I can see it without having to use my arms.

The dryer is buzzing at me.  Must go.

Fitness is fun

Maybe I’ll become addicted to classes at the gym.  There are worse things.  I feel SO much better than I did all day.  It was, to be blunt, a shitty day.  A few people at work were in bad moods and were being pricklier than usual, and that put the rest of us on edge, so we were all sniping at each other most of the day.  I texted John around lunchtime and said I was considering pretending to get sick just so I could leave early.  I wanted out of there.  But no, I stayed all day.

But then, I went to my new gym (I joined today – they won me over) for what was described as a high energy dance fitness class.  Everyone in the class was super-friendly and the steps were fun and I had a wonderful time and I feel MUCH better.

I love to dance

I really really do.  I loved the ballroom dance lessons John got us for our anniversary a couple of years ago, I loved faking my way through tap dancing in 42nd Street in high school (I probably would have loved actually tap dancing if I’d taken more than two lessons), I love aerobics classes with dance steps, I love to dance around my living room…

I went to an aerobics class tonight at the gym I may or may not join.  The class was a Kukuwa dance workout, which incorporates moves and music from African, Indian, and Latin traditions, and it was FUN.  All you need is coordination and sense of rhythm.  I have those.  When it was over, the instructor said I picked up the steps really quickly and then she asked me if I had any dance experience.  Flattery will get you everywhere.  Including back to her class, which I’m sure was the point.  Still – I WANT TO DANCE.  Who knew?

I want to sing, too.  I could be a triple threat!  Except for the triple part.  I can’t act.  To save my LIFE.

It wasn’t that hard

I downloaded a second installation of WordPress, created a second database on my hosting site (so it would belong to my domain), copied the theme over so it would match, and linked it here. Run, Zannah, Run! exists as a second blog at www.inanechatter.net and you can find it by clicking the link for it under Pages on the right. If you’re interested. You don’t have to be. It might only be interesting to me, and I can’t even say that for sure.

Not a good sales pitch.

Anyway, I took it down on Blogger just now. Which means I should probably disable the link in the last post. Hang on.

Done.

Now let’s talk about what irritated me today. Last night, while thinking about this whole being healthy thing, I stopped by the gym closest to our house to look into membership options. (It’s in the shopping center where the Bloom used to be.) They’re month to month only, no initial fees, no cancellation fees. All equipment and classes are included, and the only extra fees are for things like personal trainer sessions and massage therapy. It’s a chain, but it’s a small one (I think), and I talked to the owner of this one on the phone before I went for a tour. They gave me a free pass for the week to check it out. I’m mainly interested because I want to be able to join a class (yoga, dance-type aerobics, etc – something that’s not running) AND (more interesting to me) I want the availability of a treadmill when the streets and sidewalks are covered in ice or snow. So really, the month-to-month thing is appealing because I can join for December, January, and February, and then quit until next December. And it’s less than a mile from the house, IN the neighborhood. Anyway, I got the tour, everything looks nice, and the guy (not the owner) said the front desk isn’t manned all the time, but members can get a keycard for access during those hours. I didn’t think to ask which hours were the ones that require a keycard, and he didn’t volunteer them. Which brings me, finally, to why I’m irritated. I got all dressed to go run at the gym (in the warm), got in the car, saw the OPEN sign all lit up in the window, and then couldn’t get in the door. There’s a sign on the door listing the hours you need a keycard, and it includes most of Saturday and Sunday. AND the early morning weekday hours I was planning to try out the gym this week. Frustrated (just a tad, you know?), I went home to change into warmer clothes so I could run outside. Stupid winter. Tomorrow, I’ll try to get in touch with the owner again and see if he’ll let me borrow a keycard during my trial week.

I’m pretty sure there aren’t any vampires in this book – not entirely certain yet

I don’t think I should be awake more than about 16 hours in a row. Yesterday, we were up for 20 hours, and I’m completely worn out and was pretty much useless today. We got up way too early for a Saturday to meet Jess at a book sale in Annapolis (which was awesome – we came home with over a hundred books for a little over a hundred bucks), came home home in the early afternoon and sorted those books for a couple of hours, and then went into DC to meet John’s mom and sister for dinner. I think it was around 1am when we got home.

I spent about half of today in front of the fire with my book and the dogs. I’m getting better at keeping the fire going; I don’t always have to call for John when it dies down a little. I’m still not that great at it, though. It’s all trial and error – poke this log, turn that one over, move the other one over there. Reminds me of learning to sail. I never could figure out when I was supposed to tighten or loosen lines. I just tried it one way, and if that didn’t work, I tried the other way. I didn’t actually learn anything. I’m surprised I ever managed to bring the boat back to the dock.

I’m done with winter, I think.  Much as I enjoy days in front of the fire, I’m really not okay with nights where the low is 7 degrees.  7!  I just revised my exercise plan for tomorrow.  Inside, inside, inside.

For those of you keeping an eye on what I’ve been watching, we finally finished Firefly (we’d put it on hold because we didn’t want it to be over) and then watched Serenity (which I think wouldn’t have made sense to anyone who hadn’t seen Firefly, but we liked it), the BBC version of Life of Mars is really good (I’ll watch anything if it’s got DCI Hunt in it – we haven’t seen the US version yet), and TRON: Legacy has no plot.