Day: May 4, 2011

Nine professions I’m not well-suited for:

1. Construction worker
Pros – Working outside, lots of exercise
Cons – It’s hard work!  Also, I get sunburned easily.  And I don’t want skin cancer.  And pollution.  All that machinery puts out a LOT of exhaust, and I’d rather not breathe that in all day long.

2. Police officer
Pros – I’d get to keep people safe and chase down bad guys
Cons – I’d have to chase down bad guys, and I wouldn’t be safe.  I don’t particularly want a job that puts me in harm’s way.

3. Baker
Pros – The smell of freshly baked bread every day.
Cons – Trying not to eat that freshly baked bread EVERY DAY.  I’d gain weight like crazy.

4. Butcher
Pros – I like meat.
Cons – I don’t particularly want to wield the cleaver that dismembers Lucy the Lamb and Carl the Cow.  I like my food better when it doesn’t look like the animal it came from.  Becoming a butcher could turn me into a vegetarian.

5. Candlestick maker
Pros – Power outages would not be a problem.
Cons – From what I understand, it’s hot, sticky, smelly work.  So’s being a butcher, I imagine.  Hot, sticky, and smelly are three of my least favorite sensations, especially when they’re combined.

6. CIA agent
Pros – It’s very cool.  (I’m thinking of the Mission: Impossible type, of course.)  All that weapons training and fighting stuff, defensive driving and jumping out of helicopters – very cool.
Cons – DANGEROUS.  And probably pretty boring most of the time.  Because life is not actually a movie.  I don’t want to have to lie about my job to everyone I know.

7. Doctor
Pros – Money.  Helping people.  Saving lives.  Probably not boring.
Cons – I’m a little squeamish, so anything involving bodily fluids is most likely not for me.  And if someone breaks a leg or an arm and the bone is sticking out – I might faint.  LONG hours.

8. Tooth Fairy
Pros – I’d get to wear a tutu and wings (I can fly!) and hell – I’d be a fairy!  That’s pretty cool.  And I’d have so much money I’d be constantly giving it away.
Cons – I’m not a night person.  Working all night, every night does not sound like a good time to me.  Also, I’m crazy clumsy (constantly bruising my knees and elbows), so sneaking around kids’ rooms and reaching under their pillows without waking them up is probably impossible for me.  I’m not qualified.  And what would I do with all those teeth?

9. Lion Tamer
Pros – It’s the circus!  And oh, the baby lions I’d get to train…so cute.
Cons – Adult lions.  Christian the Lion aside, I doubt adult lions would really want to perform in front of huge crowds.  I don’t want to get eaten by my “trained” lions.