Anxiety reared its ugly head again, but I beat it back with presents and winter penguin wrapping paper.

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I don’t have a fear of crowds.  I don’t have a fear of speaking or performing in front of people.  Right now, though, I can’t seem to make myself go back to my gym classes.  I haven’t been in about four weeks (I’ve been to the gym plenty, thank you very much, but only to work out on my own), and even though I really like those classes and I really like the people who take them and teach them, I don’t want to see them.  I’m hiding.  My plan for this afternoon was to stop working around four, go get my nails done, and get back to the gym in time for Muscle Blast and then yoga.  Four came along, and I found myself procrastinating.  Why would I do that?  Why would I waste time when I could be at the nail salon?  The later it got, the less likely it became that I’d have time to get my nails done in time to make it to class.  And then I started trying to decide which I would rather do if I only have time for one.  And then I realized that it’s the Wednesday before Christmas and I haven’t wrapped any presents yet.  If I don’t do some (or all) of it tonight, I’ll only have tomorrow evening to get it done, and really, where are  my priorities?  The gym will still be there tomorrow morning (for weights) and tomorrow lunchtime (for cardio) (same for Friday), and if I have time, I can still get my nails done.  And if I don’t have time, who cares?  They can wait.  Or I can – brace yourselves – do them myself.

So the anxiety I was feeling about going to the gym morphed into anxiety about my to do list, and I’ve sent it all away by deciding to wrap presents and watch TV and drink wine until John gets home (from another office Christmas party).  I win!

Going to bed now

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I started a post today on my work laptop when I didn’t have internet access.  To get it, I’d have to turn on my work laptop, wait the half-hour for it to boot, and then wait another five minutes for Word to open.  Not worth it.  It wasn’t that great anyway.  Something about getting up early and being sleepy.  It wasn’t done, but still.  It can wait.  But I really did get up early and I really am sleepy.

For the Doctor Who fans (who are up to date), here’s a neat timeline (from here via The Daily What).  I’m being careful not to look at the very bottom.  Still not caught up.

Not exactly ahead of the game, but at least it’s not the absolute last minute.

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The shopping for presents, it is done.  Except for one small thing, but it’s easy to get.  We spent SIX HOURS at the mall yesterday.  It was insane, but everyone seemed to be on their best behavior.  We didn’t witness any tantrums or pepper-spray attacks, although the staff at the restaurant we had dinner in dropped five plates, broke a glass, and spilled some wine right next to our table.  (Those were three separate events, not one big disaster.  All in the space of an hour.  Not their best night, I think.)

All that’s left is the wrapping.

I am easily amused. It helps to be absentminded. Seriously, you can tell me the same joke over and over again and I will find it hilarious every time. Ask anybody.

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You know how it feels when you find something unexpected?  Something good.  Like last year’s $10 in your winter coat pocket.  (That one in particular hasn’t happened to me, but you know what I mean.)  It doesn’t have to be big.  It just has to be nice.  A couple of weeks ago I was writing test scripts for work, and I needed a fake name to fill in a particular field.  I picked a fairly innocuous name, familiar to me and many of you, but not to most people.  I moved on.  Today, I was helping out on that project again, setting up the test data and tweaking some of the scripts.  I got to that field and asked the guy who took it over from me what name to use (having completely forgotten what I’d chosen weeks ago).  He told me, and I laughed, thrilled with myself for setting it up that way so I could have a private little geeky giggle.  Yay me!  The name?  Harriet Jones.  (No room in the application for a title, sadly.)

It went a long way towards making my 4:15 wake-up call (to get to Baltimore today) bearable.  Not all the way bearable, but closer.

Whistle a happy tune

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It’s amazing how much better I feel, how much looser, more relaxed, now that my exam is over.  I didn’t know how much it was weighing on me until I was done.  (It went well, for the most part.  I think.  (Does a comma go in that sentence?  I can’t decide.))  I was telling Mom earlier that I think most of the stress comes from trying to balance school and work.  I don’t feel like I have enough time to devote to school because of work, and I don’t want it to take up all my free time because, you know, free time is necessary, but I can’t really relax in my free time because I know I have schoolwork to do.  I know – life is hard, and I’m only taking one class.  Boo hoo.  Now shut up.  I’m saying I personally don’t handle it very well.  But now, now that the test is over, now that all that’s left is work (which slows down during the holidays because everyone takes time off) and present shopping, I can maybe enjoy these here holidays.  Take some deep breaths.  Look at the pretty lights.  My neighbor at the bottom of the street has these icicle lights that actually look they’re dripping.  But she might think it’s weird if I go stand on her sidewalk and stare…

No time to chat

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In between memorizing steps for how to solve different types and systems of equations and doing practice problems, I browsed my usual sites.  Just a little.  When I needed a break.  Since I still have some stuff to do, I’m going to bombard you with links.  Good ones, I promise.

From Catalog Living, this caption cracked me up.

From reddit, a letter from the Kentucky Commissioner of Education to a superintendent explaining why, yes, KY schools will continue to teach evolution as part of the biology curriculum.  Go Kentucky!

From a Nathan Fillion tweet, don’t get my hopes up about Firefly, man.  It’s not nice.  But could it come back?  Could it really?

Last, the funniest thing I read all day was from Corey’s blog.  The 2nd Harry Potter movie has been renamed permanently.

This is not something I can put off much longer

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Why am I putting off studying for my DE final?  I’m sort of studying now (I’m listening/sometimes watching (because the professor is long-winded and inclined to digress) to a recording of the most recent e-meeting.), and I’m definitely absorbing information, but I’m not in the mood.  Not a good sign when you consider that I have to take this final this week.

Yes, but you don’t go

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I have no words of my own stuck in my head.  Only songs.  Songs from commercials, songs from musicals, Christmas songs – all kinds of songs, but nothing to write about.  Unless you want song lyrics.  I’ve got plenty of those.  Rhythm, too.  Who could ask for anything more?

I’m sorry.  I’ll go now.

(I said often frequently only once.)

Sunny days

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My moods are tied way too closely to the weather.*  I woke up to a bright and sunny (and cold and windy, but who cares when you’re inside?) morning, was in no rush to get up, and had tea and pop tarts.  (Mmm…pop tarts.)  Then I found the funniest thread on reddit about mispronounced words, I’ve been laughing my ass off for about 20 minutes, and I can’t imagine why I wouldn’t start every day like this.

*This is not entirely true.  There are plenty of rainy, snowy, or otherwise gloomy days when I am happy as a clam (usually because I’m snuggled up warm and dry with a book).

I’m having a day

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Today was a good day to stay home.  And luckily, that’s what I got to do.  It rained nonstop (it’s still raining), serious, steady rain, and I didn’t have to go out in it.  Except to go to the gym this morning with John.  In the early morning (but not too early) when there are practically no people there (and the ones who are there don’t want to talk), the gym is a nice place to be.  I mean, it’s always a nice place to be, but I’m not capable of dealing with people today.  Not all people, of course.  Just the not-close-friend-and-family kind.  The acquaintance kind.  The kind of person you run into when you go to the store or take the dogs for a walk or go to a class at the gym.  The kind you have to smile for, even when you don’t feel like it.  Ooh, that didn’t come out right.  Smiling is fine.  I don’t want to put the effort into chitchat.  It’s been gloomy and I have a headache and I want to take a bath and read my book and write run-on sentences.  And fragments.

Did I mention the headache?  Breakfast for dinner tonight, then a bath (glass of wine and book included, of course), then hiding from the band rehearsing in the basement.  Although they’ll be a jazz combo tonight, so it might be mellower.

Isn’t that always the way?

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The Bloggess recently discovered Doctor Who.  She pinned this…

…on her Pinterest page.  It came from here and here, and since I’m not caught up (and I’m putting off being caught up because who wants to wait a year?), I’m not looking too closely at those.

But I’m SO happy she’s hooked.  I’m a new convert, and I want to convert EVERYBODY ELSE.  Because that’s how it works.

Happy Sunday

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It’s the Sunday after Thanksgiving.  I finished my calculus quiz last night.  I don’t have to do ANYthing today.  I feel like I should.  But why?  I did some stuff.  I updated my book list so it’s a table and includes dates and stuff, now that I’m tracking that (see?).  What else?  Um…the internet.  I’m all caught up.  On EVERYthing.  Or I was ten minutes ago.  I’m sure I’m behind now.  But that doesn’t matter because I just got my quiz back from my professor and I got an EXCELLENT.  Because I am excellent.  One final exam to go and I will be done with differential equations.  And with that, I have permission to continue doing nothing today.  Because I am what?  Oh right.  Excellent.  That’s me.  Excellently lazy.

This holiday snuck up on me

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I don’t know why I expected to be productive today.  I really really wasn’t.  At all.  Nope.  The only good thing I did all day was keep the dogs company so I could put off the guilt of dropping them off at the kennel.  Something I will be doing within the hour.  The guilt is rising.  At least it’s only two nights.  We’ll be back before they know it (I hope), and they can spend the whole weekend draped over our toes as we spend lots of quiet  hours working on our schoolwork (John plans to put in some quality thesis time, and I have my last calculus quiz to work on).  We may watch the rest of Twin Peaks.  We started it a few days ago, and we’re five or six (seven or eight) episodes in.  We’re looking for stuff to put off getting caught up with Doctor Who and Torchwood.  I’m not ready to not have any new episodes of those to watch.  So I’m treating Twin Peaks like a movie, kind of.  The end isn’t far off (it wasn’t on the air that long), and I want to know what happened!  I could do without the music, though.  Truly awful stuff.

I’m not ready for Thanksgiving.  Mentally.  How did it get to be late November?  Wasn’t it August, like, yesterday?  What happened to August, anyway?  Well, crap.  I must be old.  Maybe I can find a way for the weeks between Thanksgiving and Christmas to slow down a little so I can enjoy them.  Unlikely.  I can’t get today to slow down – how could I get whole weeks to stop rushing by?

On the other hand, no work for four whole days!  Yay!  Save some green bean casserole for me.  That’s all I care about this year.  That and sweet potatoes.  And stuffing/dressing/however it’s made – I love it either way.  Really, it’s just the turkey I can do without.

Happy Thanksgiving!

I always wanted to Impress a dragon

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Anne McCaffrey died today.  She was my first favorite author.  (I think.  Asimov came soon after.)  My tattered copy of Dragonflight is the same copy I read for the first time when I was ten (ish), after Dad and Corey read it.  So is my copy of The White Dragon.  (I had to replace Dragonquest – it survived being dunked in a pool because of a lousy toss (NOT my own), but not falling into chunks on a school bus after a sudden stop.)  I always wanted to meet her.  My never-quite-planned trip to Ireland would have included a trip to County Wicklow, just to be where she was, where she imagined and wrote.  She seemed so cool.  She had horses and cats and all those worlds in her mind that are now in mine…well, damn.  I might be tearing up.  Reading the comment thread here (he’s how I found out) isn’t helping.