Power of suggestion?
I mentioned last night that I felt vaguely anxious about today. I didn’t have any reason to be worried, and there was nothing about today that was any different than any of the last two Mondays. Maybe I shouldn’t have talked about it, ’cause this morning was weird. I didn’t have any trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, and I got close to seven hours, I think. Not too bad. I needed to leave a little early to fill up the car, but that wasn’t a problem, and I didn’t eat as much breakfast as usual. Maybe a third of my tea, and just a small bowl of cereal instead of my usual piece of toast with peanut butter (out of peanut butter). I had a hard time staying alert on the drive, so I resorted to yelling at myself and making loud noises. Strange, I know, but effective. You’re not going to fall asleep at the wheel mid-yell. I was starving after I set up for the morning, so I went to the coffee place in the food court and got a small chai latte and a bagel. I had time to eat the whole bagel before class, but I only drank maybe a third (probably less) of the chai. I’m mentioning this in such detail to point out that I don’t think I was either over-caffeinated or under-nourished when I started class.
Anyway.
In the minutes before class and up to about mid-morning (so…more than two hours, closer to three), my heart was not exactly racing, but beating faster than normal, my hands were shaking, and I had to fight to keep my voice from sounding scared. I have NO IDEA what was going on. I’m fine now, and I was fine by lunch, but what? What was that? I didn’t even feel particularly anxious while all that was going on. I had all the physical symptoms of anxiety without any of the unease.
I mentioned it to John when he called me on his way from work, and he thought maybe it was lack of sleep catching up with me. Could be. Whatever it was, I’ve resolved not to worry about it unless it happens again.
Tonight, ravioli with Wegman’s delicious vodka blush sauce (the one in the bag. John’s mom is totally right. The one in the bag is SO much better than the one in the jar.).