Welcome to Raleigh

Or Durham.  Or Chapel Hill.  Or wherever the hell I am.  It’s not any better where I live, but I know my way around there.  I found dinner, I found Kroger, and I found my way back to my hotel.  I haven’t yet found where I can run around here, but that can wait until tomorrow.  I’ll start out in the hotel fitness center and then ask people who live around here.  When I meet them.  Which will happen in class tomorrow.

It’s entirely too quiet here, so I’m going to turn on the radio, read my book, and try to settle down and sleep.  The class I’m teaching tomorrow has a focus I haven’t really taught yet, so I’m not as comfortable with it.  Meaning I’m not as relaxed as I’d like to be.  A bath may be in my future.  Once I find a radio station I like.

The traveling part of this trip was totally uneventful (aside from some turbulence during the flight), no talkative seatmates, and it was surprisingly easy to find my hotel, so I’ve got nothing good to share tonight.  But I’m wireless!  Yay!  Here’s to posting from bed!  Maybe tomorrow.  🙂

Oh the bun-anity!

My neighborhood was Grand Central Station for bunnies this morning.  I’d forgotten about that aspect of spring, so when I took the dogs for a run this morning (for the first time in more than two months, I think), I wasn’t prepared for their reaction.  Nearly got my arms yanked off.  Over and over and over again.

I am looking forward to tomorrow.  Very much.  I asked for the day off a couple of weeks ago, just because (and also because I thought I’d need the escape since I was convinced I would be less than a month from unemployment by this week), and earlier this week I thought about not taking the day off and just going to work anyway, but then my boss reminded me that this was meant to be an easy week for us trainers (to give us a break from all the stressful traveling) and I don’t have anything to do, so why not take it?  I saw her point.  So now I have plans for tomorrow.  Plans to run, to get a mani/pedi, to get my very first ever massage, and to buy a new suitcase.  Almost in that order.  I need a new suitcase…do I?  Well, yeah, I do.  The one I’ve been using (big, rectangular, purple, on wheels) is coming apart at the seams.  I have another rolling bag, but it’s more of a rolling duffel and I have to travel with some stuff for work that wouldn’t fit very well in that.  I could borrow John’s (and I will if I don’t find something pretty easily tomorrow), but eventually, I’ll need one of my own.  I’m putting too much thought into this.

Hamburgers tonight!

What a difference a day makes

Will it be all sunshine and flowers from now on?  Let’s go with yes.  Why be realistic when I can be optimistic? Seriously, that weight on my shoulders?  Gone.  I’m not saying I love my job or anything now, but holy hand grenade of Antioch, do I feel better.

I don’t ever want to go here.  I had nightmares after Jurassic Park and I was half-convinced raptors were going to leap through my bedroom window and kill me, so a forest full of dinosaurs and GIANT SNAKES is not the place for me.

Curiosity blames her absence on Nicholas Cage.  Lots of things can be blamed on him.  I’m just glad she’s back.

One last thing: the last paragraph of this review of the new Robin Hood movie made me laugh.  Twice.

Now I’m going to bed.  Sorry for the choppy post.  (I tried to call it a chippy post.  Not sure what that means, exactly, but my spellcheck thinks it’s a word.)

Think happy thoughts

For real.  It might work.  Wait – bad title.  That’s not what I did.  Well, kinda…never mind.  Starting over.

I had an emotional day.  I saw my doctor and sobbed incoherently while I tried to explain what’s been going on (with the help of my notes – yes, I brought notes).  She basically told me that this anxiety is situational (and all related to work) and I should feel better once I can get myself out of that situation.  That’s pretty much what I thought, too, but it was good to hear it from someone who should know.  So that was Emotional Event #1.

Emotional Event #2 happened this afternoon at three when I met with my boss.  I managed not to cry, but I was close, and she could tell.  I explained how the travel and the commute were causing problems for me, promised to stay through June, and suggested we work together to figure out the best way for me to leave after June without causing any big problems for them.  Her response?  To figure out how to keep me.  (And, of course, to sympathize, ’cause she’s gone through similar situations in the past.)  She asked me if leaving the company was what I wanted and I said no, but I was prepared to do that if necessary.  She said she’d find out if there was anything else I could do, and then she sent me home for the rest of the afternoon (which almost made me cry again).  And then, less than two hours later, she called me at home to suggest another position for me, same project, no commute, no travel, that will get me at least through the end of the summer, and after that, something else at the company.

Moral of the story?  Ask for what you want.  I feel better already.

I filed it under D. For donut.

I bought a donut today.  The woman asked me if I wanted a receipt.  I said yes, and I think you know why.

I’m in the airport now, waiting for the plane to arrive.  It’s a day early (me going home, not the plane – I’m sure the plane will be right on time (Okay, no, it won’t, but it won’t be a day early.)), and because it’s work-related, I don’t think it’s a good idea if I go into why I get to go home early.  But it’s not bad news or anything.  So, you know, nothing to worry about.

I had the BEST airport food when I got here.  I know, crazy, right?  Well, it’s not really airport food any more than any other restaurant in an airport is airport food, but still.  UFood Grill.  I’ve never heard of it, but there’s one near my gate and I got my lunch there.  It was GOOD.  (I just checked locations and they do seem to be mostly located in airports, so I guess I was right to characterize it as airport food.)  I had the Chopstick Chicken Bowl, which is chicken, broccoli, and carrots in a teriyaki thai chili sauce, all over steamed brown rice.  Spicy.  And good.  And healthy!  (Not greasy, for real.  I watched them make it.)  What a surprise.

I’ll be home in less than three hours, and I get to stay home for a whole week.  More than that!  Yay!

A few links to keep you entertained while I fly home:

The dishwasher was cold.  She cracks me up.

Jess found a baby chicken cam (similar to the puppy cam from a few years ago).  Go!  Look!  Melt into a puddle from all the cutesy cuteness!  (And while you’re there, steal her recipes for homemade strawberry ice cream and arugula pesto.)

Getting better all the ti-i-ime (can I be depressing and say that’s unlikely to last?)

I feel so much better today.  For now.  I went to bed early and set my alarm for 4:50.  I slept mostly okay (weird dream that turned into a horrible nightmare (with people chasing me and trying to kill me) around 4am) and wasn’t too shocked when the alarm went off that early.  I took my time getting up, reading a little to wake my eyes up, and then I got dressed to go for a run.  I already knew I was heading to the fitness center (it was still dark out, and I’m not running in a strange place in the dark), but when I opened the door, I found out it was raining.  Pretty steadily.  I dashed across the courtyard area to get to the little fitness room.  I don’t really like treadmills, but that’s what I had to work with, so I set it up to go for 30 minutes and I turned on the little TV that was attached to it.  I had headphones, but I couldn’t find a jack on the stupid thing, so I watched TV (an episode of Married With Children) and tried to read lips for half an hour. 

About halfway through my workout, the thunder and lightning started, and the rain switched from steady to POURING.  Like the clouds were hurling all that rain down as hard as they could.  I was soaked after my dash back to the room.  Rain like that doesn’t usually stick around for long, but it was still raining as hard or harder when I splashed through the parking lot to my car to get to work.  I have to park about a block away from the building (at work, not at the hotel), so I stopped at my friendly neighborhood Kroger and bought a tiny little red umbrella.  You know what that means.  By the time I parked in the lot downtown, the rain had slowed to a sprinkle and I hardly needed the umbrella.  If I hadn’t bought it, though, it would have been pouring still. 

My point, if I had one, is that despite the soaking wet hem of my pants, and despite knowing that I don’t get to go home until NEXT Friday, I feel a little better because I RAN this morning.  (“SO much better” from the first paragraph has already been downgraded.)  Also, I get to see Mom, Dad, and Gaby tonight.  They’re stopping here to see me on their way back to KY.  AND (see? lots of good things today) my first couple of hours at work this morning have already been a vast improvement over the rest of this week ’cause I’m sitting down and I’ve only had to talk to two people.  Sitting down is crucial. 

Make that five people.  Still better than the rest of the week, and I have a built-in, supervisor-approved excuse so I don’t have to stay here all day.  Yay!

One thing at a time

Caprese salad, steak, and asparagus.  Fresh (except for the steak – it’s been in the freezer for….a while), healthy, and delicious.  John is grilling (both the steak and the asparagus), and I’m getting hungrier by the second.  I’m also back in planning mode.  Trip-planning mode.  I managed to avoid this phase last weekend.  The trip to Pittsburgh snuck up on me, and when I thought about it, I wasn’t remotely stressed, so I never really planned, aside from packing the day of and setting up the pet sitter a few days before.  This time, though, I’m about to travel for work.  I have to have work clothes, after-work clothes, all the stuff (papers, training guide, copy of my contract, tax-exempt form, etc) I need for work, and who knows what else.  What does John need while I’m gone?  What will I have to do next weekend, when I’m home for about 48 hours before I leave again?  Can I plan ahead for that now?  Wait – stop.  I can do this later.  (Like tomorrow, when I might have the morning to myself at work.)  Now is for dinner.  Only dinner.

Emotional rollercoaster

Clearly, the stress is getting to me, and today (at least right now), the ups and downs seem pretty funny.  This morning I started out generally tired and not quite awake.  Middle of the road, emotionally.  I got to the part of my commute where I always need additional waking up, so I turned off my book and switched to music.  Some song I really like (I don’t remember which one right now) came on just as the sun came out from behind the clouds.  Combine that with the fact that I was on the GW Parkway (beautiful drive), and the sunlight was being filtered through all the trees, and all of a sudden, I was happy.  It was a beautiful day, I was up in the early morning sunshine, and I was singing along to a song I like.  Unfortunately, the next song was “Everything I Do” by Bryan Adams.  I like it, and I can sing along to it, but instead I got all sappy and cried.  In the car.  On Constitution Avenue.  Tears streaming down my face and everything. For no good reason.

(Just after I wrote that, Roxy puked on the floor, and I can’t identify what she threw up.  Seriously, what was that?)

Anyway, I got over the tears easily enough and quickly moved on to annoyance.  My class got moved to a new room starting this morning.  The new room has a keypad, and the people in charge of the room won’t give me the code.  No big deal as long as they’re around to let me in every day.  The agreement (or so I thought) was to meet me at 7:45 to let me in so I could set up.  I was there by 7:45.  They did not show up until 8:40.  Class is supposed to start at 8:30.  So I spent almost an hour parked outside the door to that room, determined to be there when this person showed up, trying to reach anyone I can think of who might be able to get me in.  Since they refuse to give me the code to the room, someone has to be there to open the door for the class every day this week at 8:30 (they refuse to come in any earlier, so my class will start late every day) and at 1pm so we can get in after lunch.  You know, I’m still annoyed by that.

At lunchtime, I left the building.  I ate my lunch on a bench in the shade in the plaza outside the building.  Perfect weather, wonderfully pleasant, and I finished lunch feeling MUCH better.  The good feelings continued during my drive home, with more perfect weather and a beautiful drive, and then I took the dogs on a walk.  All is well.  As long as I get to bed on time tonight.

I’m on my way, but first, watch this.  I know it’s a little late (not last Saturday, the week before), but we just watched it tonight, and I think it’s hilarious.  The guy is one of the SNL writers, and he’s adorable in this clip.  Little boy adorable.  Makes you wanna put him in your pocket and take him home.

Puppies make everything better

Check out this adorable picture.  Roxy used to ask to be picked up when she was a puppy, and I miss that a little.  It’s probably just as well she got too big (and grew out of it – thank goodness.  I don’t need a 55-pound dog asking to be picked up.), or I’d carry her everywhere and she’d be fatter than ever.

Today is the last day of class (for this week).  It sort of feels like summer’s coming, like it’s the end of the school year.  Everyone’s getting a little antsy, but more relaxed at the same time, so it’s kinda fun.  And yet, it’s only the end for them.  Not so much for me.  I’m here again tomorrow, and then I start a new class next week.  Same thing, different day.  They go back to work, so I guess it’s not really all that great for them, either.  I’m trying to enjoy the day, and mostly I’m able to, but then I remember how many more times I have do it.

And then I look at adorable pictures of puppies, and I’m ready to pick back up after lunch.  🙂  (Too cutesy?  Too bad.)

Power of suggestion?

I mentioned last night that I felt vaguely anxious about today.  I didn’t have any reason to be worried, and there was nothing about today that was any different than any of the last two Mondays.  Maybe I shouldn’t have talked about it, ’cause this morning was weird. I didn’t have any trouble falling asleep or staying asleep, and I got close to seven hours, I think.  Not too bad.  I needed to leave a little early to fill up the car, but that wasn’t a problem, and I didn’t eat as much breakfast as usual.  Maybe a third of my tea, and just a small bowl of cereal instead of my usual piece of toast with peanut butter (out of peanut butter).  I had a hard time staying alert on the drive, so I resorted to yelling at myself and making loud noises.  Strange, I know, but effective.  You’re not going to fall asleep at the wheel mid-yell.  I was starving after I set up for the morning, so I went to the coffee place in the food court and got a small chai latte and a bagel.  I had time to eat the whole bagel before class, but I only drank maybe a third (probably less) of the chai.  I’m mentioning this in such detail to point out that I don’t think I was either over-caffeinated or under-nourished when I started class.

Anyway.

In the minutes before class and up to about mid-morning (so…more than two hours, closer to three), my heart was not exactly racing, but beating faster than normal, my hands were shaking, and I had to fight to keep my voice from sounding scared.  I have NO IDEA what was going on.  I’m fine now, and I was fine by lunch, but what?  What was that?  I didn’t even feel particularly anxious while all that was going on.  I had all the physical symptoms of anxiety without any of the unease.

I mentioned it to John when he called me on his way from work, and he thought maybe it was lack of sleep catching up with me.  Could be.  Whatever it was, I’ve resolved not to worry about it unless it happens again.

Tonight, ravioli with Wegman’s delicious vodka blush sauce (the one in the bag.  John’s mom is totally right.  The one in the bag is SO much better than the one in the jar.).

The weather doesn’t always cooperate

We’ve been watching the weather all day, looking forward to the thunderstorms, but the forecast kept pushing them later and later.  It would have been nice to stay in while thunder boomed today.  Now they’re not supposed to start until after ten.  And since that’s past my bedtime, it looks like I’ll miss them.

All of a sudden, I’m nervous about tomorrow.  I don’t know why; tomorrow shouldn’t be any different than the last two Mondays.  I have everything I need, and in fact, most of it is already in the car, so I’m not even in danger of leaving anything crucial at home.  I don’t like this sense of general anxiety.  Makes me nervous.  ( 🙂 )  I might try some sort of meditation to get to sleep.

I’m sorry, I spaced out again.

I can’t concentrate.  Not happening.  The band is rehearsing (Roxy’s fine – no more seizures today), I was trying to do a couple of things to be ready for work tomorrow, but those are going to have to wait (I’ll get in early tomorrow and do them), I’m trying to watch TV (Fringe – I’m like three episodes behind.  Speaking of TV, or movies – actresses, anyway – there’s a woman in my class this week who looks dead on like a very young (pre-Grease young) Stockard Channing.  She’s SO cute, it’s almost irritating.  Why can’t I be that cute?)), and I can barely keep a thought in my head long enough to write it down.  I certainly can’t write a coherent sentence (as I found out after re-reading that one).  I’m not even sure I can call that a style choice.  It’s just messy.  And not coherent.  Which I already said.

See?

My lack of concentration led me to stalk the Internet, and I’m sorry, Bloggess, but I think you need to move in next door to me.  Yesterday’s post made me howl.  (With laughter, not pain.  In case that needed to be explained.  Shouldn’t by now.  In fact, your assumption whenever I mention the Bloggess should be that I’ve fallen out of my chair from laughing so hard.)

I’m going to put the computer down and try to finish this episode of Fringe.  Then?  Bed.

Look what we did!

By we, of course, I mean mostly John.  After mowing the lawn (John), some light weeding (me), dog poop scooping (me), and then tying up a sagging bush (blame the three feet of snow that sat on top of it for a month) with neon yellow string (mostly John), John decided that today was the day to somehow attach these extra pieces of latticework (or trellis?  not sure what you’d call it) to the corner of the deck.  In the morning, we’ll have a little shade.  I haven’t figured out what to do about late afternoon.  I took pictures!  I forgot to take a before picture, but here’s one when we were two-thirds of the way done.

Actually, here’s a before picture, no trellis yet, with John hard at work doing…something.  On a ladder.

And here’s the finished product.  From the yard…

…and from the deck.

Since I had my camera out, I figured I’d take some pictures of the yard when it’s at its best.  And the dogs.  So here’s most of the backyard, with my flower bed in need of mulching.  Maybe next weekend.

Here’s the rose bush that’s trying to take over the deck.

Technically, that’s two rose bushes.  Here are few pictures of the dogs taking advantage of the shade.

It’s breezy and the wind chimes are…chiming, I guess, and we could hear them clearly if the windows were open, but did you see how high the pollen count was today?  My car is covered, and even though I was outside most of the day, there’s no way I’m letting clouds of pollen get into the house.

Most of the day got away from us, but all the chores are done (minus the grocery shopping) and John asked for two hours to himself so he can concentrate on his project for school before we settle in with dinner and maybe a movie.   He’ll have to spend much of tomorrow on his project, too, but at least he’ll have done something today, and he won’t have to worry about the lawn and stuff.  And tomorrow morning, we can catch up on the four hours of Lost we have saved on the DVR.  Hopefully, the rest of my weekend will include nothing more taxing than a morning run tomorrow, catching up on TV, lots of Internet time (I have to get my fix in on the weekends, now that I know what my weeks at work look like), a trip to Wegman’s (hardly a chore), and some play time outside with the dogs.  Maybe at the dog park.

For now, I need a shower.  And comfy clothes.  And I’m in for the night.  Oh, one more thing for tomorrow – set up a couple of lunch dates with a couple of friends.

I have priorities, really I do

And they don’t include working after I get home on a Friday evening for several hours.  But I promised myself I wasn’t going to talk about that.  Instead, I’ll mention that Roxy got so excited about the pieces of lamb fat she was going to get that she repeatedly walked herself into the narrow dead end between the arm of the couch and the wall.  Head first.  She doesn’t like to back up, so she’d stand there, tongue out, tail wagging, with her nose just barely over the arm, until I nudged her backwards with my hand on her chest.  Like three times.

John is in the office pretending he’s Brian May, and I’m pretending I have time to check some of my favorite sites before my eyes close.  We don’t have any plans this weekend (other than the usual light house cleaning, lawn mowing, grocery shopping, and something (I know there was something else I wanted to do, but did I write it down?  Say it with me.  No!)), so I hope to run and relax.  And relaxing had better include catching up with my favorite online people.  Also my new favorites, thanks to a recent thread at the Dooce Community and, of course, Spoke’s Blog Love series (first day here).

Before I go to bed, this is for Mom, Sandwich Stealer (not that one), Jess, and other people I could name but will not.  Today.  Just you wait.

I think the point of mentioning my priorities in the title was so I could say I still have mine, and I think they’re in the right order, but I need to work a lot harder at figuring out how to make them happen every day.  Or most days.  I feel a bit overwhelmed, and not by anything bad, but by not being able to make time for all those little things I like to do.  But I will.  I will figure it out.

Stop talking about work!

I was convinced for most of the morning that my students were going to give me terrible evaluations.  Things kept going wrong in class today.  We had some technical problems I’d never encountered before, so even though I tried to handle it well, I felt like I came across like I didn’t know what I was doing, and then some students thought they followed my directions (they didn’t), and when they didn’t end up where I said they would, again, I’m afraid it looked like I steered them in the wrong direction.  And after THAT, they were all in the right place, the same place for once, and a button that has always appeared (and that they have to press to continue) wasn’t there. All before lunch.  But it was getting close to lunch, so I called it technical difficulties, said I’d check with my team to see if they were working on something, and sent them to eat early.  I sent a HELP email, found out there is a bug, got a workaround, and by the time they got back from lunch, we were ready to move past it.  I don’t think I fully recovered from that during the afternoon, but I peeked at the evaluations after they all left, and everyone said really nice things.  No mention of how incompetent how I felt or how frazzled I thought I looked.

What?  Don’t judge me.  Of COURSE I peeked.  Like you wouldn’t.

Yesterday, one of the guys in the class came up to me during a break to tell me how relieved he is about the system and how confident he feels about being able to use it.  He used an older version of it at another agency and hated it, so he wasn’t all that positive about having to use it here.  But he said the training was good, this version was much improved over the other one, and he liked my teaching.  He taught English in Kenya while he was in the Peace Corps, apparently.  Nice guy.  (Of course I think so.  He complimented me!  (I am that shallow.))

And I need to stop talking about work.  Let’s pretend I don’t have to work.  Gee, I have an awful lot of free time…

Writer’s block?

Is it really writer’s block if you’re so drained you can’t come up with any thoughts?  Probably not.  I’m sure I could think of something if I’d taken a nap today or something.  Seriously, thinking is hard.

I’m several days late posting pictures from the 10-miler, and I’m almost too lazy to get the camera off the island and plug it in.  Wait – I am exactly that amount of lazy.  I remembered I’m running linux, not windows, and I haven’t tried to connect my camera since that change.  Now don’t get the wrong impression – I’m not afraid of troubleshooting any technical problems that might come along (where troubleshooting = appealing to Google for help and then asking for John’s help if I’m still stumped), but I don’t have the energy to face those as-yet-hypothetical problems.  Have I mentioned I’m worn out?  On the plus side, my new shoes are working out.  The balls of my feet feel a little sore at the end of the day, but it’s the kind of sore that will go away as I get used to the shoes.  No pain in my poor pinched toes like with the last pair.

I’m bad at endings.

(See what I did there?)

Mid-morning excitement

So I’m teaching this training class today when the fire alarm starts flashing and we hear a garbled and crackling announcement come out of speakers we didn’t even notice were in the ceiling.  No idea what the announcement kept repeating, but we came to the conclusion that we should probably evacuate the building.  We joined all the other people streaming up the stairs (the class is held on the lowest basement level), but no one knew what was going on.  The security guards on the main level said only the alarms on the basement levels were going off and no one in the rest of the building had any idea what was going on.  They determined it was a false alarm pretty quickly (or so we heard) and we all went back inside, but the whole experience makes me a wonder a little.  I can only assume someone somewhere was taking it seriously, but I haven’t seen any evidence of that.  Nuclear summit, anyone?  Federal building?

I remembered one other reason I don’t want to make metro my primary way of getting to work: I can’t read on the train anymore!  How horrible is that?  I discovered that I get a little carsick on the metro (train-sick?  Motion-sick doesn’t sound right.  Nauseous will do, but that’s a little strong for how I felt.) even while not reading on Sunday, when we took the metro to and from DC for the race (but that could have been ’cause I’d hardly eaten.  Maybe I was hungry).  Then yesterday, I tried to read in the morning and found I couldn’t.  I tried again on the way home (Persistent, right?  Well, it’s important!), but I could only read when the train was stopped.  So if I can’t read, where’s the advantage of letting someone else drive?  Sure, I can’t read in the car, but I have books on CD.  And yes, I could download those books to mp3 and use my headphones, but that takes work.  And lest we forget, I’m lazy.  And super tired when I get home from work.  I’m barely able to make dinner.  I didn’t mean to start whining.  Not that much, anyway.